Amy's Blog - Transformation, continued . . .

Started up the new blog . . .

2012-01-02T11:41:00.002-05:00

Please see . . .

http://becomingexuberant.blogspot.com/

New life, almost started

2011-12-14T11:17:00.002-05:00

This is a brief update, for anyone who has ever read this blog. I've actually decided I'm going to start a new blog and discontinue this one shortly. The new blog will include much less personal information and much more information about things I'm interested in, things I'm doing, things that excite me and I think will excite other people, etc. I decided this original blog had too much of my history in it, too much that was bogging me down mentally/emotionally, etc. Things are changing in my life and I'd like to make a clean start of it, even on blogger. No need for everyone to re-read all of my stresses of dealing with my kids, my husband, from my past, when I'm thinking things are really looking up at this point.

So, before diving into the new blog, I'll provide a brief wrap up of what's currently going down in my life I have been working in Gainesville, Florida since October. I LOVE my new job. The people I work for are wonderful, the atmosphere is relaxed, it's all good in a way I've never felt at a job before. The pay is much less than I made before, but you know what? I've learned that salary is DEFINITELY not the most important thing when it comes to a job! My last job sucked the life out of me with daily stress and negativity. Being free of that is such a blessing. I'm actually happy to come into work in the mornings. As they say in the credit card commercials, that's priceless.

I am moving to Gainesville in early January, with my kids. The husband is staying in Jacksonville for the time being. I believe we'll both be happier living in separate households, though for his sake and the kids' sake, I do hope he'll be able to transition to Gainesville in the near future, as well. Jacksonville is 90 minutes away from here, so it is a bit of a commute.

I am BEYOND excited to be making my move. I've found a wonderful apartment community, a wonderful apartment, and it's really a wonderful town to live in. Well, from everything everyone tells me, anyway. The University of Florida is located here, and there is something really vibrant about college towns. Plus there are lots of trees and nature everywhere, in a way you don't see it in Jacksonville. I'm going to be taking lots of photos and posting them of the area, our life, etc.

I have a number of things that I want to try out, experiment with, incorporate into my life, and that's the stuff I'm planning to document in the new blog. Just want to make it a fun place for me to record my transition into the new life.

I've been reading (re-reading?) some of the motivating on-line bloggers lately, and I've really embraced the concept of goal setting, particularly in regard to ones personal life. Making life lists, bucket lists, etc. Call it what you will, I've felt like my life has been in a limbo of malaise for the past 15 years, really, and I'm so ready to break free of that and really begin to do the things that make me happy, instead of just slogging along fielding criticism and negativity and just trying to get by. Hope at least a few people that read my old blog will be interested enough to follow my new one. Keep you posted.

Hello again!

2011-10-27T16:14:00.000-04:00

I had all these plans to blog daily, be interesting andupbeat, clever and witty, etc. Threeweeks later . . . (drum roll, please)

Actually things are really great right now! I started my new job on October 10^th,so I’ve been on the job almost three weeks, and I’m loving it. Plus, they seem to really like me, as well –always a plus on a new job. I’m nowworking at a small engineering firm (8 employees) in Gainesville, Florida, homeof the University of Florida. In fact,UF is one of our biggest clients, from what I can gather. We do mostly site design (which is the civilengineering associated with new buildings, parks, etc.), but also some roadway,drainage and streetscape projects. I’mLOVING being back in site design. I didsite design back in 2004-2006, and I really missed the creativity of it (versesthe pure number crunching of roads and drainage).

Anyway, I really like my job and I really likeGainesville. I don’t really like mycommute, which is 1.5 hours each way until I can actually move over here. And I won’t be moving over until probablyend of December due to money issues.

Anyone who follows me on Facebook knows this, but on the 17^th,we were driving back from a visit with my mother-in-law in Arkansas, when I hita blasted deer in the middle of Interstate 10 at 2 am. Yes. My van is pretty messed up. AndI didn’t have comprehensive insurance because I had paid for the van outrightand figured I’d be able to absorb a loss rather than paying out the nose forfull coverage (reminder that I was unemployed at the time). I’m still torn about that decision, but it’sgoing to be fine. The dealer told myhusband it would be $3700 to fix the van. Jerry thinks he can fix it himself for around $500. I’m skeptical – I feel like often the stuffhe fixes is kind of half-assed (but don’t tell him I said that). At any rate, I’m considering the van finisfor the time being. I’m going to buy mybrother’s old car for cheap – it’s a 2003 Dodge Intrepid (I think). And is apparently a good vehicle. So it’ll be alls well that ends well, thougha couple thousand dollars later.

So, as I mentioned above, I’m really looking forward tomoving to Gainesville. I think I’m goingto try and rent a house with some land this time around. I’d love to find a home with at least anacre of yard, but even more would be better. As the area around Gainesville is quite rural, it looks like it’s verydoable. Of course, I have certainstandards and constraints that will make it more challenging. I want to pay no more than $1000 permonth. Here you can get a swankyapartment for that much, and I don’t want to pay more or much more forsomething less desirable. I don’t wantto live in something that looks like it belongs in a third world country. It has to be at least a 3 bedroom, 2bathroom abode. And it has to haveenough sun on the yard for me to plant a sizable garden. I’d also like some trees, though, for thekids to have a more varied play area. Theyhave to allow pets, as I’ve promised the kids a dog. And I’ve promised myself a cat. So all are things I need to take into consideration. I’m psyched, though! Freedom and independence at last!!!

On the health front, I have not been exercising and have only partly been eating well. I usually do well until about 8 pm, at which point, I stuff whatever into my mouth that strikes my fancy. Somehow the willpower and even my desire to eat well are gone. It's like after 8pm I truly don't care. And then I wake up the next day and see my fat ass and then regret the 37 cheezits :-). Right now my commute is definitely sucking the life out of me. I leave home at 6 am and usually get home around 6:30 to 7 at night. Now that may be normal for some of you, but it isn't for me. I definitely don't have the energy for a run/walk after work, and in the morning I typically sleep as late as I can (5:20 is the latest I can get up and get to work "on time"). So I'm just treading water until I can make my move and move on with my life - at least it's finally happening, though!

What's up with me today?

2011-10-06T12:23:00.001-04:00

So today I'm trying to enjoy my last few days as a free woman (i.e. unemployed). I've begun eyeing my garage to see what can be / should be taken to my new apartment when I move, in order to minimize purchases of new stuff. I went to lunch with my son at his school (went with my daughter yesterday), since after this I'll be working again and knew this week would be my last opportunity. Had a healthy HUGE breakfast (whey protein shake first thing, then a couple of hours later: 1 egg + 2 egg whites, mixed greens, saurkraut, roma tomato - OMG yumm). Next up: cleaning front bathroom, which I share with my kids, then cleaning Cailyn's room, which is a pit from hell. In the next couple of days, I need to get my hands on some boxes and begin sorting/packing my extraneous stuff (paperwork, bills, etc. crap). Of course, I'm kind of being on the down low about all this because the situation with the husband is so up in the air (more on this later).

I'm determined to be organized and efficient in my new place, and make an attempt at voluntary simplicity, by not accumulating crap I don't need. That is a problem in my current life, as my husband keeps EVERYTHING he has ever owned/touched/come across. It doesn't help that my current apartment complex is really swank, and people here throw away really good stuff. Stuff you just want to rescue and appropriate for one's own. Voluntary simplicity and living only with what I need is one of the major changes I want to implement in the future.

So regarding my personal situation, the husband's legal issues are still ongoing. Yes. That is the American court system. He got his DUI on April 24, 2010, and it's FINALLY going to court later this month (that would be 18 months, almost to the day, for those who are counting). During this time period, we have paid his lawyer a LOT of money, along with the original bail, some of which required me to assist by cashing in my meager 401K, which I wasn't happy about. Anyway, for the past year and a half, I've been in limbo, unemployed, and unable to move out and on without an income. He's still hoping to be found innocent of being impaired that night. I have zero idea how likely this is, nor am I voicing an opinion on whether he was impaired or not - I wasn't there, so I don't know. If he's found guilty, he could be sentenced for up to a year in jail (maybe more?), large fines, and will definitely lose his driver's license for the rest of his life. Or he could be found innocent and everything will go back to normal life for him. Either way, I'm over it.

I need to move on with my life, and I'm finally in a position to do so. Anyone who ever read my old blog knows there's WAY more than this issue, and it's still going on - stuff I'm not going to post on here, but suffice it to say, the decision to leave has been long time in the making, is well thought out, and will definitely be happening. I'm just hoping to do it in such a way as to avoid fighting over the kids and remaining amicable.

In any case, I'm really upbeat, positive, and completely optimistic about life again. It's amazing how having the ability to stand on ones own feet is so key to self-esteem. I sometimes wonder how stay-at-home moms deal with that aspect of the situation. I have nothing against stay-at-homes, but having lived the life for the past year, I know I didn't like the feeling of being dependent on someone else for my well-being (at least when I wasn't sure his priorities and mine were the same). And I received unemployment benefits, so I wasn't completely without resources.

At any rate, I'm psyched for the future. Now I'm just counting down the days until I make it a reality. Job starts Monday, October 10th. Husband's trial is Thursday, October 27th. And I'm really hoping to move into a new apartment the following weekend. I'm realistic, though. The weekend of the 14th-17th, I'm going to Arkansas to visit my wonderful mother-in-law, who is EXTREMELY ill with advanced cancer. The weekend of the 22nd, we will be celebrating my daughter's 6th birthday with a party at Monkey Jungle (kind of like Chucky-Cheese, but on a lower dose of steroids). So it's a busy month.

Right now, I'm concentrating on me, though. Eating right, getting some exercise, and thinking healthy, calming thoughts. It's going to be interesting, one way or the other!

Believe it or not, I'm still alive!

2011-10-05T09:29:00.000-04:00

Yes, I'm finally back from the limbo-land that was unemployment and stagnation. Well, that's a little overdramatic, I suppose, but the fact is I just didn't feel like posting when I felt like all I'd be posting was boring, depressing, looking-for-work-but-not-finding-any and moderate chaos in my personal life.

Good news as of yesterday! I've just accepted an engineering consulting job offer in Gainesville, Florida. For those of you who don't know, Gainesville is located in north-central Florida, is the home of the University of Florida, and is an all-around pretty town with lots to see and do, excellent schools, and good climate. As I recall, it's regularly on those "Best Places to Live" lists. So, I begin work on Monday and I anticipate moving myself and my kids over at some point in the next month.

I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am about this. There are still a number of things that are up-in-the air in our lives right now, but at least my employment isn't one of them. This is the step that will allow me to begin working on living my life again, after feeling like what's been two years of limbo.

I'm dedicated to blogging regularly again, so stay tuned . . .

Update, but not really

2011-01-28T17:19:00.000-05:00

It appears I didn't get chosen for the job I was hoping for, which is a definite bummer. On the other hand, thank GOD for unemployment. Its the one thing that's made it relatively nice being unemployed. I've really enjoyed the time off with my kids, and not having the work stress that was killing me this time last year.

On the other hand, I have some serious reasons to really, really want a decent job and soon. I'm still applying at many city/county municipal governments. I recently applied down in Naples, Florida. That would be sweet. Far from my family, which is a bummer, but I could handle southwest Florida! We'll see.

Things are ok otherwise. Just same old, same old. Ok. Hear my kids shouting, so I'd better hit "post"!

Yes, I'm still alive

2011-01-02T09:15:00.000-05:00

So its 2011. 2010 did not turn out the way I had planned at the beginning of the year, that's for sure. Last year could best be described as life-chaos. Work reduced everyone's hours, then laid a bunch of us off. Major issues in the husband's life, that affects all of us. Unable to find work for 6 months, has led to financial chaos.

But 2011 is a new year and everything is looking up. I really feel it in my bones. I had a job interview on December 20th that went really well. I won't hear about it for a few weeks, but you will get the details if I get the job.

I'm back to running and eating well, after a year of off-and-on emotional eating.

I'm going to make a concerted effort to begin posting again. It was just not fun to post when I was kind of depressed about my personal situation, my work situation, my health situation . . .

It's all good right now, though. Hopefully I'll have some good news in a week or so.

More later (I swear!)

Health update, Sept. 9

2010-09-09T21:10:00.000-04:00

Miles walked/jogged (at an average pace of 13.5 minutes per mile) : 4.2 miles - took me 57 minutes.

Calories consumed: around 1350.

Pretty good, as I didn't really track until the end of the day.

Current schedule:

6:00 am - get up and hopefully be awake enough to do 15 to 30 minutes of yoga.
6:30 - 7 am - start waking up the big kids
7 am - start harrassing the big kids to get their butts out of bed and into the living room, begin cooking their breakfast
7:15 - start nagging about getting to the table and eating breakfast
7:55 - leave for school
8:15 - drop Connor off, after waiting in line at the school for 15 minutes - there are 860 students in his elementary school, and I'd guess the majority get dropped off in the morning.
8:25 - drop Cailyn off at PreK
9:00 - weight lift on days I'm scheduled to do so. Otherwise, run or watch Dora with Colin, or do chores.
11:30 - pick up Cailyn from Pre-K
3:00 - meet Connor at the school bus stop
rest of the evening is chaos until I go for my walk/run and then lock myself in the bathroom for an hour-long bath, praying to be uninterupted by the kids.
9:00 pm - start nagging kids to get to sleep. They generally start collapsing sometime between 9 and 10. Same time as me.

Lather, rinse, repeat the next day. I'm ready to go back to work . . .

Update - September 2010

2010-09-08T10:25:00.000-04:00

So things are still kind of in limbo here, but I'm in a better place mentally and emotionally. I'm still unemployed, but am actively looking. Hopefully something will turn up soon. The husband's issue is still in limbo as the court system takes a while to work through all the kinks. Financially we're getting by, probably much better than many in my situation. My eldest started 1st grade a few weeks ago, and my middle started Pre-K, so my days are a little less hectic, which makes for more time for job hunting and house cleaning.

I'm still very much planning a future on my own, but am in limbo until something happens on the job front, and unless something happens in the next few weeks, we probably will be filing for bankruptcy, because there's just no way to make the math add up regarding our bills verses income at this point.

Regarding CR/Longevity/Heath, which is how this blog got started, I'm doing pretty good right now. I'm shooting for a calorie count of 1400 per day, and have been running/walking about an hour several times a week. I'm trying to do yoga more often, but that's the one I'm struggling to get done because it requires the kids to be out of the living room or else everyone tries to do it with me, which turns into a chaotic comedy more reminiscent of Twister than yoga. I also lifted weights last week and again yesterday, and am planning to make that a twice a week thing. We'll see how it goes.

I had several months of not really looking after my health and wellness while I was going through my workplace stress and then my early unemployment, but I'm feeling good about things lately. I feel healthy, prospects are looking up, and I have a vague plan for my future that is just awaiting certain triggers before I can implement them.

So it's all good. Other than my two-year old yelling at me right now for another Dora on the TV when I wanted to do yoga. Durn it.

Still here

2010-07-15T09:15:00.000-04:00

I appreciate the comments, Judith, and believe me, all options are on the table at this point. I'm hoping to get an appointment on Monday for an initial consultation with an attorney who handles both bankruptcy and family law, so I can get some good legal advice on my whole situation, which is complicated, to put it lightly.

I had a really unhealthy last week or so - stress related eating and not exercising. But I'm back on game today. Am groggy this morning, though because I took some Tylenol PM last night for a headache (kids were insane out of control). So I'm on a 2nd cup of coffee and I need to figure out what diversion to plan for the kids today.

My goal for the summer has largely been to find at least one major activity for the kids for each morning, and then the afternoon is for siesta - to try and get the little one to take a nap and the big ones to not murder each other from the play fighting. Probably will take them to the park this morning, but I need to get my butt in gear and cleaned up. Am still sitting here in my jammies, trying to break up the inevitable fights over who gets to pick the next TV show. The 2-year old isn't so good at understanding the concept of taking turns. He just wants Go Diego, Go, and he doesn't care that the older kids like Scooby Doo more.

OK. Gotta get to it . . .

Saturday night. . .

2010-07-03T19:40:00.000-04:00

This is my Saturday night approximately 7:40 pm:

Husband: comoatose, possibly asleep. Same as every night.

Connor & Cailyn (oldest 2 kids - ages 6 and 4): Singing commercials, fighting ninja style, being loud.

Colin (asleep since 4 pm - no doubt will wake up when everyone else is ready to go to bed).

Me: Tipsy. Allowed myself wine with hot bath shared by Cailyn. Now debating crappy tv lineup verses watching documentary on terraforming Mars for 67th time. Probably will go for Mars documentary. Am obsessed with Mars.

My life today in one blog post . . .

2010-07-03T09:09:00.000-04:00

It's Saturday morning. Don't know what we have planned for the day, other than buying what groceries I didn't get yesterday afternoon. I'm probably going for a run today. I didn't feel like it when I first woke up, but now that I've had some coffee, I'm in the mood. I need to see what the husband has going on today, though.

And yes, for those of you who may be wondering, I am living back with the husband. I guess I'll take this opportunity to bring everyone up to speed. Some of this is fairly personal, but nothing is a secret, so I may as well put it out there. Better people understand why I'm where I am than to misunderstand and just think I'm an idiot who stays with someone who isn't good for me for no good reason. Whew. Am I brave enough to put this out there???

Back in January, probably shortly after my last post before my hiatus, I decided to move back in with the husband. During our separation, there was no way I or we could have afforded a divorce. It would have meant a lawyer for sure given the fact that we have kids. The reasons I moved back in were primarily financial (on both our parts), but also the kids were struggling with the assinine schedule "we" (meaning my husband) came up for our custody.

It was a good thing financially, because in March, my employer cut my pay to where I was getting paid for 30 hours per week (essentially a 25% pay cut), but still expected me to be at work all week. I wouldn't have been able to keep it up on my own with the pay cut, largely because of the crazy daycare bill I still deal with.

Thing were ok between the husband and myself, though we largely live as roommates. Partners in parenting, I guess you'd say.

Well, in late April (I think it was), he was arrested for a DUI. And this won't be his first, by a long shot, though his previous ones were years ago (last one was in 1996, way before I met him). So now he's paying a lawyer big money (which we don't have) to try to avoid jail time. And he has to wear a scram bracelet (a la Lindsey Lohan) as a condition of his bail.

I'm not going to try and defend the whole DUI thing. I have no idea how "impaired" he was. I understand his desire to avoid jail, but I'm ambivalent. The fact is he was out from around 5 pm until 2 am, hanging out with friends at a local pizza place (less than 1 mile from our apartment) drinking beer. He was stopped for excessive speeding on our street. Stupid, stupid, stupid, in my opinion. Thank god no one was hurt. It was selfish, reckless behavior that will change all of our lives. If he is convicted he could serve up to a year in jail and lose his drivers license for the rest of his life. Yes, its that serious.

So there are some very serious changes in store for the lives of my children and me. All of this precipitated in the past two months.

The problem? I'm now unemployed - though actively looking for a job. That means I'm kind of stuck where I am for the time being. Of course, if he goes to jail, all bets are off. Hopefully by the time his whole "situation" works itself out, I'll have another job and then can do what it takes to move on with my life. I just can't stay financially linked with someone who makes bad decisions that don't take into account the rest of us in the family.

Aside from the DUI thing, I've been struggling with our situation for years. Anyone who's read my blog knows that. Because I made the most money in the family, I took on the responsibility for most of the bill paying. He always had some reason he couldn't do more, but somehow would find the money to buy (a) a speed boat, (b) 42" flat screen HDTV for his bedroom, (c) new laptop, etc. etc. ad nauseum. I'm really over it. I'm tired of not having spending money for myself, not having money to pay off my debt, and seeing the other half of this partnership doing his own thing.

At any rate, I'm thinking and planning and trying to figure out how to move forward at this point. Oh, and trying to stay healthy, sane, and be a good mom to my kids.

This has been a pretty serious post, but don't think it's all black. I'm actually in a really positive place mentally. I guess it's knowing that I will be making changes, and soon. I think our lives will be completely different at this time next year. And I am bound and determined to go back to school. I just need to figure out what I need to do in the next year to get the classes I need, take the GRE, and get my butt accepted at University of Florida. I'm already developing a plan and schedule, and that's half the fun.

Will keep you posted . . .

So here I am

2010-06-30T09:03:00.000-04:00

Day 2 of official unemployment. Have filled out form for unemployment benefits. Have sent my resume to two firms who have open positions (received one response). Have gone running both yesterday morning and this morning.

Today's goal is to come up with a plan and schedule for what I want and need to accomplish. To be honest, I'm kind of torn about finding a new job.

During my absence from blogging, I did a lot of soul searching about what I wanted to be when I grow up. I'm now halfway through my 39th year and will turn 40 in November. I figured I needed to come up with SOMETHING, or I'd be foundering indefinitely. Unfortunately (at the time), I felt chained to my job. I couldn't just up and quit - too much debt and small children in daycare. So I thought, and I pondered, and I contemplated. And I decided . . .

I want to go back to school and study horticulture. I contacted the University of Florida, which is a little over an hour from here and found that I can't go back as an undergrad, will have to get a graduate degree, which is ok, but means I'll need to take a bunch of undergraduate prerequisites on my own as my original degree in civil engineering did not involve any life science classes AT ALL. So that's a problem. Coming up with the money to take the undergrad courses.

Plus, I knew there was no way I could afford to quit and go back to school full time until all my kids are in school. That means three years away (2013). Kind of depressing, given how miserable I was in my job, but on the other hand, it'll give me a couple of years to pay off my stupid debt and my vehicle, so I can go back without struggling with my finances on a graduate student's stipend. Plus, as noted above, I'll need to take a bunch of prerequisites, so I figured I could try to take as many as possible during this two-three year period, so I'd be ready to go back full time when the kids were happily ensconced in elementary school.

I had just begun the process of signing up for a class at our local community college for this fall in biology. Figured I'd dip my toes in the water, given I had a full time job and three small kids. And then I got laid off.

So there are two aspects to this situation: first, it would seem to be ideal - no job means more time to take classes! But no! No job means no money to sign up for classes. And still tons of debt. And don't even get me started on my personal situation.

So I'm going to spend the next week or two trying figure out what to do.

Regarding my health and fitness, well, I'll post about that later. It's going well, finally. Am losing weight, and I feel healthy and calm. Have received some medical assistance (ahem) with my stress about a month ago and it has made a WORLD of difference in my life and my ability to manage all the balls I have up in the air.

So that's it for now. More later, I'm sure . . .

I'm back, again . . .

2010-06-28T19:54:00.000-04:00

As promised in a comment on April's blog, I'm now posting again. The past six months have been eventful and not in a good way. I'm in a surprisingly good place right now, though, given the circumstances.

I was laid off my job this afternoon. And I'm almost relieved. You saw in my last post how the stress was killing me. That's been going on for months. I was totally burned out. There was no more enjoyment about being there at all - other than the paycheck, of course. However, I didn't feel like I had an option due to my personal situation, which is as complicated as ever.

I'd seen the layoff coming, and while I don't have any job prospects just yet, I'm completely cool with it. I've been wanting to go back to school, and while I don't know if I'll be able to afford it, I'm sure going to try. You know what they say, when one door closes, another opens.

I said at the beginning of the year this was my year of transformation - I just didn't know in how many aspects of my life it would manifest.

More later . . .

Good times at the workplace. Hello 2010.

2010-01-14T15:40:00.000-05:00

OMG. I had all these good intentions to blog at least three times a week – nay, DAILY!! So where have I been? Struggling some with the health thing. Am eating healthy, but not CR’ed. Have lost zero weight since New Years. The primary reason, is what it always is: STRESS. No time. By the end of the day, my will to give a crap has been zapped, and all I want is a glass (or three) of wine :-).

My work is turning into an intolerable daily hell of stomach churning, fighting anxiety attacks, and suppressing the urge to either lose my temper or burst into tears, depending on the time of day. My boss held a project managers meeting on Tuesday in which he informed us that as PM’s we would have to commit to working 60 hours a week or be reclassified, which means de-motion and a pay cut. Ouch. I have zero desire to work 60 hours a week, given I have three young children. But I’m going to say I’ll do it. And at the same time, my job hunt has begun. Unfortunately, the economy bites, so there’s just not much out there that’s appealing.

Still, it’s all about daily renewal. Trying to not let yesterday’s suckiness eat into today’s motivation. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

On the other hand, I had my first annual physical in about 15 years on Tuesday, and today the blood work took place. Even though my finances are stressing me out, I’m actually feeling pretty decent right this minute.

Crud. Am at work and need to get back to it. No time to blog!!!

Happy New Years - Game On!

2010-01-01T13:11:00.002-05:00

It’s a new year and I, for one, am really excited and optimistic about how things are going to go for me this year. I’m truly dedicated to getting my life back under control. For the past 5 years or so, I’ve sort of felt like I was just floating along, being directed by others and not really feeling like I could control my own destiny. There are still things that could happen this year that could knock me off kilter (am concerned about my job situation, and if I were to lose my job it would be a HUGE life change for me), but I’m trying to not worry about that until it happens. I’ll be the first to admit that not worrying isn’t always easy, but the trick, I suppose is in controlling those things I can control.

To that end, as I’ve said before, I’m rededicating myself to CR and to establishing a workout schedule. As a kickstart for a year of regaining my health, so far today I have done some yoga and lifted some weights. I’m going for a run once my lunch settles.

Am sitting at 432 calories after having eaten lunch, so that’s going well, too. I’m going to try and post my intake reports on this blog as much as possible, but I’m not going to freak out about it, as I have enough things on my plate as it is.

So my goals for the year, as written in my journal:

1. Consistent CR
2. Aerobic workout at least 4 days per week
3. Weight training at least 3 days per week
4. Yoga at least 5 days per week
5. Drink at least 80 oz of water/tea per day
6. Drink at least 32 oz green tea per day
7. Make one new recipe / meal per week
8. Clean my car monthly
9. Get my apartment organized and clean it on a regular schedule

I took the kids to visit my mom and stepdad (and my three brothers) in Tennessee the week after Christmas. That was fun and a nice visit. I also had lunch with an old friend from my Nashville days, which was great. We drove back down to Jacksonville on Wednesday and then I took the kids over to their dad’s apartment yesterday afternoon. They were driving me NUTS! I guess the excitement of being home, plus having been cooped up in the car the day before, plus the fact they’re totally hyperactive and nutso anyway – well, for about the first time since J and I separated I was not sad to drop them off with him.

Last night I did New Years on my own, which was just fine. I drank too much wine and just watched TV, knowing that I was going back on the straight and narrow today. So today has been just lovely so far. I slept in – was almost 8:30 am before I got going. Did some yoga, lifted some weights, ate some breakfast, started cleaning and organizing the apartment. Remaining goals for today – going for a run in a few minutes and must take down the Christmas tree.

Will try to be more consistent in my blogging. It’s going to be one way of me keeping myself motivated and accountable to my goals. Stay tuned!

Back on CR!

2009-12-01T17:03:00.000-05:00

It’s now December 1, 2009. One month before New Year’s Day. And two weeks (approx) after my 39th birthday. I have major plans for transformation this year.

1. Get my diet under control.
This means choosing an eating plan and sticking with it. Minimizing the calories, and maximizing the nutrition. I know what needs to be done – I just need to do it.

2. Get back into the gym habit.
After my separation from J, a week with sick kids, a week of vacation/traveling, and a week of illness myself (head cold and cough), I haven’t been to the gym in a while. I went a few weeks ago, once. Clearly not enough for improvement in my cardiovascular fitness, or the size of my ass!

3. Yoga, yoga, yoga!!
I not only need, but want to incorporate yoga into my life regularly and often. I love it when I do it – I just need to do it.

4. Organizing my car/office/apartment.
The apartment isn’t too bad right now (kids’ rooms notwithstanding), but my office and van are another matter. They’re bad. Embarrassingly bad.

That’s good for a start, though there are other things I’m planning this year, too. Right now I’m starting with the diet.

I’ve waffled over the best way to get back into a more strict CR mode. Clearly my plan to be “moderate” and just generally eat healthy is a failure. If I am not regimented, it becomes way too easy for me to cheat. When I am carefully tracking calories and nutrition, I am WAY less likely to make poor choices. Plus, as almost any serious cronnie will tell you, people who think they’re getting required nutrition without tracking their input, probably aren’t getting their required nutrition.

So I thought to myself, the best way for me to really get motivated and stick to an eating plan is to have an actual plan (duh!). I debated what I should try out. Vegan? Vegetarian? Pescatarian? Zone? Low Carb? April Smith has pretty much convinced herself to go low carb, and I thought, I’ll just jump on that bandwagon. Thing is, what IS low carb? How do you define it? I ran by the library at lunch and picked up a couple of books on low carb living, including the bible of low carbers, Atkins.

I have to confess that I never really read the Atkins books over the years. I just felt like it was probably too extreme, and the one time I tried an uber-low-carb diet I lasted like 2 days. So in skimming the Atkins book this afternoon (Atkins for Life), I think there are things in there to learn, but I’m now not convinced that I want to do a REALLY low carb diet. For instance, Atkins recommends you stick to less than 20 g carbs the first two weeks of his diet. 20 grams??!! For real??? There is no effing way!

Today I have been legitimately minimizing my carb consumption, and still I’m already at 40 grams of carbs for the day. Here’s what I’ve had so far today:

Can of sardines in mustard and dill sauce
2 cups coffee with creamer
2 Halls cough drops
Spinach salad with mushrooms, bell peppers, and a couple of cherry tomatoes (small salad), low fat Italian dressing with some extra red wine vinegar added for taste
Green Giant immunity blend steamed veggies (broccoli, carrots, red and yellow bell peppers in a garlic-herb infused extra virgin olive oil seasoning)
4 oz 2% cottage cheese

Other than the cottage cheese, nothing was really starchy – no pasta, rice, potatoes, beans, etc. But still I’m at 40 grams! And when I did a preliminary planning test on Cron-O-Meter, I checked to see how many carb grams equate to 30% of my daily diet if I’m at 1200 calories for the day (am going quite low to start out – want to drop a quick few pounds before Christmas) – it came to 90 grams.

So now I’m thinking I’ll just shoot for a zone ratio, just like the good old days when I was first doing CR.

I wanted to write more here, but as time has once again slipped away from me, I’ve gotta go pick my kids up from school.

The plan for tonight – baked or stir fried chicken breasts (100 grams for me), one oyster (while plugging my nose and with lots of hot sauce and a soft drink chaser), 30 almonds (for my vitamin E), and more veggies. I’ll still be short on potassium, iron, folate, and B1, but I’m going to take a multivitamin just to cover my bases.

Ok. Seriously gotta blow this joint!

Post Thanksgiving Recap

2009-11-30T19:59:00.003-05:00

So the Thanksgiving holiday has passed. We had a good one. We (the kids and J and I, along with my oldest stepdaughter and her two kids in a second vehicle) all road-tripped it to Arkansas to visit with J’s mom and sister. Despite our separation, things are fine between J and I so it was an ok visit. The drive totally blew, however. 14 hours in a vehicle with three small kids. Two of them barfed on the way. Yes, it was that kind of trip. Still, it was really nice to visit J’s mom. She is 78 and has cancer, so I’m more than a little worried that this might be the last Thanksgiving visit with her. I hope I’m wrong, of course, because she truly is a wonderful person. Picture a sweet little old southern grandma – that’s J’s mom.

Tonight I’m at home, sans children. That’s one thing I can’t get used to. The first thing after opening the door to my apartment it seems so quiet and empty and I always, invariably feel a catch in my heart and I think I’m going to cry. After I put the television on I manage to get over it, though. It’s funny that no matter how crazy, hyperactive and ornery my kids are when I’m with them and would give anything for a break, the second that I’m without them there’s like a giant hole in my heart. They just belong with me, I guess.

Ok. Gonna sign off. I’m tired and I just want to veg before sleeping, but I hadn’t posted for a while so I figured I’d better get off my duff and write something before I get out of he habit again.

Tomorrow I'm going to work out and make the right food choices, etc. Am looking forward to it!

Back to normal

2009-11-19T21:13:00.000-05:00

So life is back to normal now. I've been too busy to write/blog/do anything more than just live lately, but I did want to check in and let the 5 of you who read this know that everyone is ok now. Actually the whole family got sick last week. Baby Colin was sick Monday through Wednesday. Connor was sick with fever and cough Thursday and Friday. Cailyn woke up Saturday morning with an ear infection.

Good times.

Everyone seems to be back to normal now, though.

I'm 39 years old now. I'd like to say that I've been a pillar of willpower and stauch healthiness this week. Umm. Ups and downs. Guess that's life!

Ok. Gonna go. Am on annoying laptop with missing "shift" key (due to violence by almost-2-year-old during previous "Go Diego Go" computer episode). Am going to wake up tomorrow, healthy, vital and ready for new future. Right. . .

Sick child!

2009-11-10T09:18:00.001-05:00

My youngest is sick. He started getting a cough last weekend - and its a gross, wet nasty one. Then Sunday he started acting lethargic and, well, sick. I'd been dosing him with cold medicine and ibuprofin, by turns. Then yesterday, he was obviously running a fever, so I took him to the doctor. 103.1 degrees at the doctors' office.  They did a flu test: negative.  They did a strep test: negative. So its just an unnamed virus. They say he has a throat infection and upper respiratory infection, so we're using a nebulizer for the cough, but that's basically it, other than using ibuprofin to try and keep his fever down.

I just hate when my kids are sick. I'm not freaking out with worry - it's kind of a relief to know that the doctor has at least seen him.  But its still a concern that he's still got the fever. It was high again last night and this morning, and he's sleeping right now. Unfortunately, he HATES being poked at, so I haven't been able to really "take" his temperature - it'll take two people to hold the little bugger down if I want to get a true reading. I could tell it was up, though, by how hot he felt.  I figure as long as the medicine is obviously bringing it down, I'm not going to worry about it too much.

I sure hope that after today the worst will be over, though.  Guess I'll go back and check on him again now.

Kids!

2009-11-07T19:55:00.000-05:00

So the kids are with me this weekend, and things are great - we've done tons of fun things (playground, Museum of Science & History - we have a membership, playing here at the apartment, etc.). Then I think, why not check my e-mail?

20 seconds later (give or take), I look up and Colin (the almost 2-year old) has pulled approximately 27 wipes out of the wipe box and is systematically piling them up on the living room floor. Yeah. Kids!

At least they weren't chasing each other with the giant exercise ball at full volume throughout the apartment (like they were earlier). Or deliberately tipping over the recliner in the living room just to hear it thump (like they were earlier). I lovingly call my children "spirited". In other words, my kids are the ones you cuss out under your breath in the restaurant/grocery store/post office (insert location here). I SWEAR it isn't because they don't have discipline.

Believe me when I say that there are definitely kids who are just ornery by their nature - I like to think its part of their unique charm. Please be patient with us if you encounter us in your daily routine, and try not to think less of me as I yell/holler/scold/whatever to try at appear like a normal well-behaved family in public.

Thank you,
Amy

Giant stressball, plus, some Halloween pictures

2009-11-06T11:38:00.001-05:00

Have you ever had one of those weeks when you feel so overwhelmed with stress that it’s hard to breathe and you feel like your stomach is the size and density of a walnut? Yeah. That sucks. And I’ve lived it this week, baby. I hate writing really bummer blog posts, which is one reason why I had been avoiding posting this past week. I’d been so upbeat and optimistic about the future, but right now I feel like I can barely breathe I’m so stressed. So I decided to post anyway, thinking it might be cathartic to vent a little. I don’t really have many people I can fully vent to.

I’ve been trying to be upbeat and positive, and there are many things that are very excellent in my life right now. My kids, for one. I love them, love them, love them. See photos below from Halloween!

I love the fact that I have my own apartment and am making a life for myself and decisions for myself again. I’m excited about trying to make the right choices for my health, but I must admit to struggling the past few weeks, mainly due to the stress. When I’m stressed I eat too much gak and drink too much wine. It’s a poor compensating strategy. My plan is to become a person who turns to yoga during times of stress instead of unhealthy behaviors – for obvious reasons. Frankly, lately I’m stressed, like, ALL THE TIME, so if I don’t find a healthier outlet, I’ll be 300 lbs and a full-blown alcoholic to boot. Thankfully, I haven’t reached that point yet, but this week just about did me in.

Work is awful. I’m not crazy about my job in the best of situations (for a lot of reasons that I won’t go into here or it’ll be a 30-page blog post), but on top of that my company has very little workload, which makes all of us fear being laid off and most of us feel like we have very little support from our boss on this issue – not going into detail here, but the morale in our office is REALLY, REALLY, bad, me included. I’m not the only one that’s feeling this way by a long shot, but while misery may love company, it doesn’t make you feel any more secure in your own personal situation.

I believe I’ve also mentioned that I’m broke. That’s also a major stressor for me right now. I’m really, really broke. I can pay my bills, barely, but there’s no fluff at ALL. The split with my husband might have been welcome emotionally, but neither of us was financially ready for this and it’s been really challenging these past few weeks. Frankly, being broke wouldn’t be so bad, but it makes me feel hamstrung in my job situation. I’ll be honest. If I could quit my job and be ok financially, I would right this second. But I can’t.

Besides, I really don’t want to quit until I figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I can tell you this – it isn’t a civil engineer, THAT’S for sure! Its funny – that’s actually one of the “transformative” changes that I was so looking forward to this year – researching potential careers, potentially takings steps to move forward in changing my career. But I thought I’d have time and leisure to do so. I’m just so overwhelmed here now that I’d give anything to be able to go back to school right away or move directly into something new; I just can’t do it financially, though, which is depressing, to say the least.

I guess I’ve vented enough. I’ll try to end this on an upbeat note. I have a plan for healthy CR eating for today and the weekend. I went to the gym this morning and logged 3 miles on the treadmill (much of it walking, but whatever – it was a workout!). I’m planning to do my new Rodney Yee yoga DVD each day this weekend (kid permitting – I have the kids this weekend – YAY!).

I’m sure the weekend will do me wonders. Somehow as soon as I leave the office about 75% of the stress leaves my shoulders and I’m able to have a good time of it. I just need to work toward finding a solution to the whole job thing. And just keep plugging away at the money thing. I have hope that after the holidays I’ll gain a little breathing room again in my budget.

Hopefully my next post will be awesome and exciting with lots of plans, schemes and good things to report. Until then, I think I’ll make some green tea and try to think deep, calming thoughts :-).

Transformative life?? More like insanely busy life!!

2009-10-27T16:58:00.000-04:00

So life has been busy here.

I moved into my apartment over a week ago, and have spent the past week trying to get organized - putting together beds and bedding, moving furniture from one room to the other, etc.

Last weekend my parents came down from Tennessee, delivering a washer and drier that I’m buying from my youngest brother. Very helpful, as I am broke, broke, broke. They visited from last Thursday through this morning, and are now on their way back home after a nice visit in which they helped me organize my new space, bought the family some meals and were generally helpful. Nonetheless, I’m happy to have my space to myself again.

Tonight is my night with the kids, and we are having tilapia, rice and broccoli for dinner. And I’ll probably have a big salad myself in lieu of the rice as I’m trying to keep my calories low today, but ate not-so-low-calorie leftovers for lunch (ribs from Chili’s and a burrito from Cha Cha’s Mexican restaurant). I think the gakky leftovers should be all gone now, though, so tomorrow I can go back on the straight and narrow.

After doing really well with the eating and working out, this whole separation from the hubs, move into a new apartment, and really stressful financial situation have thrown me for a loop and I confess I haven’t been taking care of myself the way I should. In short, I feel fat, out-of-shape, and frumpy. So I’m looking forward to a fresh start.

I ordered a Rodney Yee yoga DVD, which should be delivered tomorrow, and I look forward to doing it daily. It’s one I had previously, but my kids lost it somehow. (As an aside – how the heck to things like DVDs completely vanish off the face of the earth? It’s like there’s a black hole for these kinds of things – the case is still around, but no DVD!)

This weekend is my first weekend without my kids, and while I know I’ll miss them, I’m also looking forward to it. I’m going to try and give myself at least one “home spa” day, where I fast, take long baths, work out and do some yoga. Kind of a detox. Think I’ll shoot for Sunday, as I really want to paint my kids’ rooms on Saturday. Plus, Saturday night is Halloween, and I know I’ll be with the kids doing the trick or treat rounds.

Guess that’s my only update for right now. These recent life changes have kind of taken over my whole being lately, so I’m hoping I can re-center and re-gain control of things. I hate feeling scattered and out-of-control! Wish me luck.

Apartment Planning . . .

2009-10-14T16:45:00.001-04:00

Am completely preoccupied with my forthcoming move to the exclusion of everything else.

I am able to take possession of the apartment this Saturday afternoon, but am not planning actual “residency” in said apartment until the following weekend. I really want some time to get everything in and organized, get the kids rooms painted and decorated, and food purchased, etc. before the kids actually show up. So my plan is to spend next week going over during lunch and doing things to organize, then, being the magnanimous person that I am, I’m going to let FEH have the first weekend alone with the kids, which will give me Friday night, Saturday and Sunday to get their spaces ready and the overall apartment organized, decorated, and painted. I just don’t want them to come in and feel like it’s either too empty or too chaotic.

Of course, they’re little, so I’m probably over-thinking it.

BTW, we have come up with an unconventional visitation arrangement for the kids. FEH and I will both have the children an equal amount of time (which I have some concerns about, but am willing to give it a shot and see how he does), but we’re going to alternate daily, at least while the kids are young. So I’ll have them M-W-F-Sa-Su, then the following week he’ll have them that schedule. It sounds a little chaotic, but we will be living less than 1 mile away from each other, the kids’ daycare and Connor’s school, so we really don’t think it’ll be too bad. Essentially, if it’s my day, I’ll be the one to pick them up from school and take them in the next day; then it’ll be FEH doing the picking up the next day. Lather, rinse, repeat. I’m going to see if it seems to work and how the kids deal with it. I like not being away from the kids for more than 24 hours, except on the FEH’s weekends with them. And frankly, I’m skeptical that he won’t be overwhelmed dealing with them full-on with no support. Am going to watch with interest things like (a) what he feeds them (I’m the one who does all the cooking right now), (b) how does Connor’s homework get done (I’m the one who does the homework right now), (c) that info gets transmitted from the various schools as necessary.

Today was my gym day (FEH and I alternate days, since we can’t leave the kids home alone – I get up between 4 and 5 am to get to the gym early). I actually woke up a little late this morning, and didn’t get to the gym until around 5 am, so I only did the treadmill – spent 60 minutes on the treadmill, for a total distance of 5.2 miles. Am very satisfied with that. The goal for tomorrow is to get up and lift weights in the living room while FEH does his gym day. I think I’m going to develop an all-new workout plan for the new life-schedule. Will keep you posted.

Ok. I'm back.

2009-10-13T16:57:00.003-04:00

You know, I don’t know that I like Wordpress as much as blogger. So I think I’m going to stay here for now. Sorry for the psych out to those of you who may have followed me over there.

I’ll give a quick recap for anyone who didn’t read the stuff I have over there for the past couple of weeks:

1. Had an epiphany while trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, mainly centered on the fact that I’m no longer in love with my job.

2. Said epiphany led me to develop an elaborate plan whereby I will explore a year (or so) of transformation in every aspect of my life, from fitness, to goal setting, to meal planning, to developing hobbies, to getting back to a more rigorous CR regimen, to yoga. You get the picture. All the stuff I’ve been wanting to do, but was (a) too overwhelmed, (b) too busy with the kids, (c) too depressed to get myself out of the hole I’d dug for myself.

3. I’ve already lost 30 pounds or so, but had hit a plateau and a funk after getting the flu and was still kind of depressed about my home situation, wherein I wasn’t happy, but wasn’t sure what to do about it.

4. Then, approximately two weeks ago, the husband proposed that we should separate, which frankly, was a Godsend. Over the course of our marriage there have been many times when we almost went our own ways (read this to mean that I almost left), but for over a year now, though I’d been in a funk and wasn’t happy at all, I wasn’t convinced it was the right thing to do given the young ages of our kids, made me feel selfish to think about it, was worried about how my husband would fare financially, etc. So when the husband (henceforth to be known as the future ex-husband, or FEH), said he wanted to separate, I happily concurred and began making plans to move out (with the kids, of course, more on that later).

5. So here I am, REALLY, REALLY making changes in my life, more than I even thought I would be experiencing when I started blogging again. There are a lot of things going on, and a lot of changes to be made, but I’m totally excited that I’m finally able to move forward in my life, when I’ve felt like I’ve been on a treadmill in hell (well, maybe purgatory) for the past 5 years.

New blog / Moved my blog

2009-09-23T14:27:00.004-04:00

Hi all three of you who still read this from time to time.

Thought I'd let you know that I decided to move over to Wordpress. here's the new blog address:

http://thetransformativelife.wordpress.com/

Not entirely sure if I like the new format or not. Maybe I'm just used to Blogger.com. We'll see. If I feel like wordpress stinks, I may end up moving back over here. But for now, click the link above to find my new blog.

Bye all . . .

Working out like a fiend

2009-07-08T09:07:00.002-04:00

On the other hand, do fiends work out? I've heard that expression so many times, I find myself using it, though it doesn't really make sense intellectually. Oh well.

Fact is, a big part of me getting my act together has been working on getting into shape physically in addition to tackling my eating and drinking habits. Currently, I go to the gym every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 4:30 am. Yes, you heard me right. I get up at 4 am. On the other days I've been trying to go to the gym during lunch, but my legs are generally shredded from my M-W-F workouts, so I gauge whether I go based on how I feel.

Since January 1, I've lost over 30 pounds, so it's working. I generally try to lift some weights before running on the treadmill (mondays = back, wednesdays = legs, and fridays=arms, though I sometimes do something different depending on how my schedule works out during the week), and my goal is to spend at least an hour on the treadmill for each workout. I love to run and that's been my favorite aspect of my working out.

My goal (which I ironically had mentioned briefly on my blog some time last year, when I was still completely huge and unhealthy) is to run a 10K Road Race (6.2 miles) on my birthday this November (I'll be turning 39!). And then I want to run the Gate River Run (15K, or 9.3 miles) in March. I really would like to run a marathon by the end of next year, too, but I feel like I should see how the first two go before I commit. I'm a little worried about the minor arthritic-like pain I'm getting in my right hip. Will have to see if this becomes a problem in my training. If it doesn't ease up I may end up changing over to the ellipical machines and kiss my road racing career good-bye :-).

I'm back, I guess

2009-07-06T21:46:00.002-04:00

So I'm back. I haven't posted in forever mainly because I went through a period where I was just very inward. Just didn't feel like being out there. I was kind of depressed, I guess. I think I had a little post-partum depression going on after Colin. Nothing major, but enough that I felt like I was in a major funk.

I'm feeling fabulous lately, though.

I'll try to summarize where I am, without making this a "War and Peace" length post. Last year, while in said funk, I gained a TON of weight - was as high was 182 lbs at one point on my 5'3" frame. Yikes! There's no hiding that kind of fat.

So earlier this year, the fog seemed to clear from my mind and I just started getting my shit together.

I'm now working out 3 to 5 times a week - training for some road races (more on that in another post, I'm sure). And have gotten my eating habits back under control. I've now lost nearly 30 pounds and am back to where I was before I got pregnant. My nutrition is good, my calories are low, and my fitness levels are slowly coming back (though I'm sure I exercise more than most CR folks would recommend).

I feel fabulous, skin has cleared up, eyes are bright and alert, and things are looking up. Still not in love with my job, but that's why they call it work, right?

Kids are doing well. Connor just turned 5, Cailyn is 3, and my baby isn't a baby anymore - Colin is now 19 months old.

Just so you know, I don't think this will be an isolated post. I've been itching to blog lately. And in case any of my old friends still has alerts on this blog - I still read ALL of your blogs, even though most of us have slacked off on the posts this past year. Except April, of course, who still motivates with her CR even though she's busier than just about any of us.

So that's all for tonight. It's nearly 10 pm, which is actually as late as I like to be up because I try to get up at 4 am on gym mornings. Tomorrow is technically the husband's gym morning (we alternate, due to the small children who can't be left alone), but he's kind of under the weather, so I'm hoping he'll bail so I can go.

Later, then . . .

How can I feel so good on a Monday?

2008-09-15T10:10:00.002-04:00

I feel fabulous!

I didn’t do a lick of work over the weekend, but I convinced myself not to feel guilty last night because it really was a great weekend.

The kids and I went to the pool on Saturday, which is not unusual, but it was still a lot of fun because it was hot as the dickens, and a cool pool is just wonderful when its really hot. Then yesterday we went to the beach, and it was Colin’s first visit. He liked it ok, but at one point he tipped over in the water so was less enthusiastic after that experience. Still, it was fun. I wished we’d taken our boogie board, though, because the waves were perfect for it. Next time, I’ll remember. I do love to boogie board. Catching the waves on the Atlantic isn’t like surfing on the Pacific (not that I’d know), but it still fun and doesn’t seem as scary as some of those Pacific waves look. How do kids even get in the water at all out there? I’m already having heart failure because my 4-year old is Mr. Surf Boy and thinks he should be able to get way out to where it’s above his waist. He isn’t the best at gauging how big the waves will be, though, so it freaks me out when a big one heads his way!

In addition to the pure recreation this weekend, I went for an outdoor run/walk yesterday morning, and gosh, do I miss that! I just don’t get out much because I don’t feel comfortable running outdoors when its dark out, which may sound like a fraidy-cat thing, but I just don’t like taking chances. If I work out in the morning, it has to be at 5 am, which is WAY before sunrise, so I’ve been treadmilling it lately. I’ve pretty much decided that I’m going to start doing a regular lunchtime workout again, though, because 5 am hasn’t happened as often as it really needs to. Besides, I’ve been doing yoga every morning, and I really like having that as part of my morning routine, plus, it doesn’t require such an early wakeup. There’s just something about stretching and getting inverted that really elevates my mood.

Back to the lunchtime workout thing. Right now I’m still content to do the treadmill during lunch until it begins cooling off a bit more, but hopefully by mid-October, the weather gods will begin to grant North Florida a bit of Autumn and I can again enjoy being physical outdoors. Right now, if it doesn’t involve immersing myself in water, I’d rather be in the air conditioning :-).

CR-wise, I’m still doing really well. I feel great. I wish the pounds would drop off quicker, but it took me 9 months of pregnancy and a few months of pigging out to get here, so it isn’t coming off in a week and a half. In addition, I know intellectually that its better health-wise to go slow. It’s the mirror that’s driving my desire for fast, fast, fast!!!

Ok. Back to work!

2008-09-09T14:12:00.003-04:00

Yeah, slacker blogger here. I’m still alive and kicking.

In fact, I feel really good this week. I’ve been sticking with my exercising, and sticking with a healthy eating plan. I guess semantically I’m not “CR’ed” since I’m not actually tracking my calories and nutrients, but I know (from my mental tracking of my calories) that I’m definitely at a lower calorie intake than I was before, so that’s enough for me.

At this point, I’m just going to do what I can do. If I get too wrapped up in worrying about tracking every little thing, I’m just going to get overwhelmed with it all. Right now, I’m concentrating on making the right choices.

I’ve also begun to work on a goal I formulated at the beginning of the year, which is to run the Gate River Run next March. This is a 15K (9.3 mile) run that goes through downtown Jacksonville, Florida and across two of our bridges over the St. Johns River. The St. Johns River is really big, so the bridges are the biggest challenges of the run. These are the two bridges: on the top, the Main Street bridge, which is a drawbridge in the western portion of the downtown area; on the bottom, the Hart Bridge, which is in the eastern downtown, and lands right beside the Jacksonville Jaguar's football statium. They are definitely daunting to someone who lives in an area where the vertical elevation difference is like 10 feet. Gotta crank up the incline on the treadmill!

I’ve always wanted to run a road race, but even when I was a really dedicated runner, I just never entered one. Nervous I guess. But I’m approaching 40 years old (38 in two months!) and it’s getting to the point where I need to start doing the things I’ve always wanted to do. I can’t keep putting these things off, or they won’t happen at all and then I’ll just have regrets. I’ve got the baby-making finished; now I can concentrate on some of my personal goals!

Had the best salad at lunch today. Dole Italian Mix (romain, raddichio, and a few other types of greens), shredded carrots, radishes, scallions, lentils, sun-dried tomatoes in olive oil (OMG I LOVE THESE THINGS), roasted red pepper vinaigrette with parmesan (Kraft brand). V. Good (as Bridget Jones would say). Breakfast was cereal with skim milk. Ho hum, but served its purpose.

Ok. Gotta get back to work. Not wanting to do the thing I have to do. But if I do it, maybe I can get out of here early enough to go for a run before getting the kids. So just need to do it. Really.

Bye.

Is it only Tuesday?

2008-08-19T12:52:00.002-04:00

Just had lunch at the cutest little cafe located inside an antique mall here in Jacksonville. My parents are in town visiting the kids and they love taking me there for lunch (and I'm always up for a free lunch). So I had black bean soup, a side salad, a wedge of watermelon, and a raspberry tea. Yummo. Also had a bunch (too many) almonds this morning.

I'm torn about almonds. I acknowledge that they are almost mandatory if one wants to get 100% of ones Vitamin E daily. On the other hand, I have major issues restraining myself. I could probably eat 400 almonds in one sitting if I applied myself. Almonds are a dangerous food for me, so I don't buy them often just because I can't control myself!

In other news, the first rain bands from Tropical Storm Fay just hit a minute ago. Lovely downpour going on outside my office window. I think we're not going to get anything more than rain and some wind up here in Jacksonville. At least I hope that's it. I've neglected to do my "hurricane preparedness kit" that we're all supposed to do here in Florida. You know, get lots of water stocked up, make sure you have batteries and flashlights handy (I do have these), make sure you have foods that don't need to be cooked, get all your important papers together, etc. I probably actually have most everything I need, but it isn't organized. I really do need to get off my butt and get organized. Even though Jax almost NEVER gets hit directly, you never can tell . . .

Ok. Gotta get to work now. Maybe a cup of coffee for an after lunch pick me up, then work.

On marriage . . .

2008-08-18T15:29:00.002-04:00

Mademoiselle Z has once again commented (on a post from a few weeks ago) about my marriage and lack of support from my husband. I’m not going to get into a long drawn-out discussion on-line about my marriage. I’ll try to keep this short and sweet.

I have my reasons for maintaining the status quo in my relationship with my husband. Lately, we get along fine, and he really has been helping out more than he had previously. He is much more involved in keeping the apartment clean and getting the kids to do the stuff they need to do than he used to be. Plus, as the two oldest kids have gotten a little older, they need less hands-on assistance with every little thing.

I admit, though, that I feel I do the bulk of the kid-work. I get all three kids up and going in the mornings, get them dressed and take them to and from daycare. I generally cook dinner, and make sure the kids get to bed at a decent time. I'm always the one who takes them to the doctor and takes off work if they are sick and can’t be at daycare. I’m the one who buys the groceries, washes the kids’ clothes, and gets the bottles and diaper bag ready every day. But frankly, I really don’t think this is unusual for any working mother. I think these are things that moms are responsible for in the vast majority of two-wage-earner households. In our household, my husband is almost always the one who vacuums and/or sweeps the floor, takes out the trash, and makes the kids play pick up in the living room. He does interact with them a lot and does some diaper changing and bath supervision.

Do I still get stressed out sometimes? You bet! But lately, my stress is more related to my work than my home situation. I guess we’ve just finally reached an understanding of how things will be, and I can acknowledge that maintaining the status quo has its advantages for both my kids, who live in a two-parent household, and for me financially, because even with me picking up the vast majority of the financial burden for myself and the kids, I still save money compared to what it would cost for me to run my own household. Is it an ideal situation? No. Does it work for us? Yes, for now at least.

At any rate, that’s all I’m going to say about my marriage in an online blog. The fact is, you may still hear me bitch or moan occasionally about being over stressed, etc. Just understand that as with any family, we’re still just figuring out the best way to deal with things. We’re not right or wrong, and there are others who would no doubt do things differently, but for now, this is our life.

Amy, on moderation . . .

2008-08-12T15:50:00.001-04:00

Lunch yesterday: Fabulous combination of stir fried garlic, onion & mushrooms, with added kale, chick peas, canned diced tomatoes, and artichoke hearts. As Rachael Ray would say, “Yummo.” Dinner? Not so healthy. Still low calorie because I kept my portion sizes down, but I had lasagna and a small slice of garlic bread. The husband had cooked it and I got home so late from the office – starving – that I couldn’t bring myself to come up with something unique for myself. Also had some snackies in the evening (hand full of doritos, 8 oz glass of milk, a few brazil nuts, almonds and pecans). I think my calorie count was fine for the day, but the nutrition was no doubt lacking. Didn’t input anything into COM, so I don’t know what I was short on.

Frankly, as much as tracking is important, this time around I’m trying to not go completely all or nothing as I’m just too busy. I struggle with having an all or nothing mentality, which leads me to get borderline obsessive about things, and then when I can’t track things, or I don’t have a good healthy option, I tend to just say, “What the heck”, and eat whatever. This time around I’m trying to just stay balanced and eat healthily. I’m going to try and track things, but I’m also going to try and not freak out if I can’t some times.

Today has been ok so far. Breakfast was yogurt. Lunch, a southwestern taco salad from Wendy’s. So lunch may not have been the ideal nutrition, but it was one of the best options in a situation when I had to eat out and eat something fast (was out of town for a meeting and had to rush back to the office for another). Not sure what dinner will be, but will probably be stir fry veggies of some sort. Hopefully I can get some fish thawed out quickly, as I forgot to telephone the husband earlier to have him thaw the salmon. Annoying.

These are the things that cause me to end up eating unhealthy choices. You know, you get home from work, tired, kids are hungry, need to get something on the table before you freak out, so you do whatever’s easiest. That’s why prior planning is so important. Unfortunately, some days I just don’t quite get around to it. Clearly I have to find some middle ground between obsessive planning and eating whatever I can stuff into my pie-hole. This is where I am making strides.

I’m sure I’ll never have April’s dedication to measuring everything (maybe when my kids go to college – ha, ha), but if I can just consistently make good choices, I’ll be happy.

Monday. Yuck.

2008-08-11T09:13:00.001-04:00

Had a lovely weekend. We FINALLY made it to the beach on Saturday, and it was fabulous, as I knew it would be. I got a bit of a sunburn, but I put enough sunscreen on the kids that they were fine. Yesterday we took the clan out to my stepdaughter’s house and all the kids had a “water play” day, where they played on a slip-n-slide, kiddie pool, sprinklers, etc. That was fine.

This morning it really stunk to have to come back in to work. I hate dreading work! I wish I could just love what I do. And I’m really spoiled. The fact is, I have a good job! Yes, it’s stressful, but gosh, I could be digging ditches for a living or standing on my feet all day as a cashier at Walmart, both of which would be much more physically challenging. But most days I envy people with those kinds of jobs. I think it would be refreshing to have a job that wasn’t so intellectually challenging. No wait; that’s not what I’m trying to say. I guess it’s just that my job requires me to always be “on”. Things don’t get done if I’m not “into it”, and lately I’m just not into it! And therefore things don’t get done, which leads to even more stress. It’s an annoying cycle that I’m having problems breaking out of. I just can’t seem to keep myself motivated!

Take this morning. My “To Do” list includes:

- Do fee proposals to client #1 for three bridge replacement jobs
- Do fee proposal to client #2 for construction administration work on a roundabout project that is about to go to construction
- Get some serious work done on stormwater master plan for Client #2 (this has been neglected due to the other major to do items I have been working on for the past month)
- Get to work on roadway study for Client #3 (also neglected!)
- Do fee proposal for client #4 to recover some $$$ that we spent doing extra work to get the project permitted.
- Contact Client #5 (who I can’t STAND) to set up public meeting (very important! Must do this today)
- Go over another fee proposal with one of my colleagues for a project we’re competing for (this is due tomorrow, so must do today)

I think that’s it. As you can see a bunch of fee proposals and a couple of neglected projects that I can never seem to get to because of all of the other stupid things that I have to do. I also have two other projects that I’m waiting for comments from my clients on, so they’ll probably kick back into gear in the next few days. None of the above is at all appealing to me. It’s not hard work. Just totally unappealing. Boring. I wish I could find a true calling!

So this wasn’t a very CR’ed post. Basically I wasn’t very CR’ed over the weekend. One of my big challenges is to maintain my CR when I’m not in a structured schedule. We had my stepdaughter this weekend, and we tend to eat more junky when she’s over because she doesn’t eat anything healthy. That’s silly, of course. I should just tell her she can eat what the rest of us eat and tough. I think I subconsciously let her visits become “free days” for me when I feel like I can cheat. Which is just dumb, because it only affects me. I’m the one who’s trying to be healthy and lose weight. In fairness, I didn’t eat a ton of gak over the weekend. Most of what I ate was healthy; I just at a LOT of it.

So I’m back on the straight and narrow this morning. I’ve actually only had coffee so far; but that’s mainly because I forgot to grab any breakfast food as I was rushing out the door. I think I need to try to come up with some megamuffins or something that I can make ahead of time and just grab as I sprint out the door with kids in tow.

Ok. I’ve seriously got to get to work now.

No more procrastinating.

Seriously.

Ok, getting to work now. (Really!)

And the latest adventures of Jello-Legs . . .

2008-08-05T10:18:00.002-04:00

So the working out is happening! I’m enjoying it. I like the way I feel after. I don’t like getting up at 4:45 am, but that’s neither here nor there. The way I look at it, I’m usually kind of awake at that time anyway, but am just laying in bed snoozing or watching tv, so I might as well be getting up and accomplishing something.

So anyhoo, I did treadmill and lower body today, and can I say my lower bod has obviously had no weight-bearing anything for a while because my quads were Jello. And since I did my quads first (mistake), the glute exercises didn’t go so well because generally you use your quads in a number of the glute exercises, too (reverse lunges, for today). In fact, I could only do two sets of reverse lunges with teeny tiny 10 pound weights in each hand. I ended up just doing some leg lifts with no weight to try and round out the buns exercises. Arguably, my glutes are what need the most work down there. I didn’t have time to get in the ab work I had planned, so I’m going to do that tonight, or tomorrow morning. My abs are pretty desperate, too. After having three kids with little to no ab work in the interim; well, it’s affecting everything, especially my posture, which has never been too fabulous due to a hereditary tendencies for slumping, widows humps, etc.

Actually, other than my weight, my posture has become one of the major trigger points to get me off my ass and get my act back together. I looked at a photo taken last fall (when I was still pregnant) and I was so slumped over I looked like my mom, who has a SERIOUS widows hump on her back. I’m determined to not go down that road. I’m hoping the yoga I’m starting up again will seriously help with that; open up my chest and back.

Breakfast today was Total Raisin Bran Cereal with 1% milk. Yeah, yeah, not the best nutrition, maybe, but I didn’t make good use of my time this weekend with planning. As it is I’m trying to decide what to cook tonight. Maybe tilapia again. My kids only want tilapia and broccoli all the time. I’m serious. That’s all they’ll eat. Well, black olives and rice will often make the grade, too. Normally I’d be thrilled, but they really need to eat a variety of foods. I just keep cooking different things and forcing them to eat at least a few bites of everything, but it always comes back to tilapia and broccoli. I’ve actually been cooking broccoli from 3 to 5 times a week, just so I can be sure they’re getting some veggies. They’ll also eat raw carrots sometimes, but never cooked. Same with the canned baby corn (like you sometimes see in salads). They’re just hit or miss on most things. Some days they’ll eat it, some days they won’t touch it. I guess it’s a pre-schooler thing.

So I’m planning to do around 30 minutes of yoga at lunch today. The plan is treadmill & weights in the morning, yoga at lunch. I definitely need the yoga for the flexibility benefits, but also for the stress help. I’m hoping having a lunchtime break where I do yoga will help keep me from going nuts at work. Wish I had a job I actually loved. The only things I love about my job are the paycheck and the people I work with. Not fulfilling at all. I’m still serious about finding my bliss, but I’m realistic enough to realize it probably won’t happen until my kids are in school. Until then, gotta bring home the bacon, baby!

Ok. Seriously have to get back to work.

Day 1 and Work Motivation (or Lack Thereof)

2008-08-04T14:22:00.000-04:00

In news of the weird, I’ve already lost two pounds, according to my bathroom scale this morning. Ironic, given that I wasn’t CR’ed at all this weekend. I ate very healthily, but the calorie counts were high. I wasn’t planning to really kick it into gear until today, so I didn’t stress about the calorie counts over the weekend.

I can tell I’ve lost a couple of pounds, though, because my pants fit better. I’d gotten to the point where I felt like a packed sausage in most of my pants, but didn’t really want to buy new “fat” pants.

I’m setting a personal goal that I want to get down to a healthy BMI of 25 or less before New Years. That should be doable, but it will mean me sticking to it and not letting myself go again. That BMI would put my weight below 140 lbs by January 1, 2009. My real goal weight is 125 pounds, but I want to be realistic in my weight loss goals. Nothing like setting yourself up to fail with unrealistic goals.

So I worked out at lunch today. Did the treadmill for 30 minutes and a single set of upper body weights (triceps, chest, shoulders, biceps). Didn’t have time to do more weights. Yogurt for breakfast, soup for lunch. Dinner will be high calorie as I am cooking pot roast today. With potatoes, carrots, celery. Maybe a side salad as well (to take up space in my tummy so I don’t eat 3 pounds of beef).

I’m still struggling to motivate myself at work. I seriously got burned out over the past few months. I’ve been so overloaded with work and have had the guilt trips put on me about getting things done. I’d been taking work home every day, and getting up at 3 or 4 AM every morning to work on it, because that’s the only time I can do work at home since I have 3,000 kids. (Ok. Just 3. But it feels like lots more). I seriously came close to having anxiety attacks about the workload. I mean, what kind of life is it to feel obligated to put in 50 or 60 hours a week? I hate that! Especially given that I have small children that I need to be there for. Still, it’s gotten to where I feel weird if I leave the office before 6 pm. I just got so used to staying until 6, that it seems naughty to leave at 5 pm now! Crazy!

At any rate, with the nasty deadlines past, I now am having problems getting myself to get going on everything else that still needs to be worked on. I think when the kids are out of daycare and I have more disposable income again, I’ll probably go job hunting. Right now I can’t afford to take a pay cut, but I’m definitely not prepared to spend the next 25 years of my life working like a corporate slave, shackled to my desk through guilt and stress!

At least I’m well compensated. There are a lot of people who have to work a lot harder than me, but who make peanuts compared to my salary, so I guess I shouldn’t complain.

Anyone with any ideas of how to motivate oneself to work on things you really don’t give a crap about, chime in!

Hello?

2008-08-01T11:10:00.003-04:00

So here I am. Back from the void of non-blogging.

I know it’s been forever, and maybe there’s no one out there listening now (echo, echo, echo), but this blog was more of a journal for me than as a public forum to discuss “issues” anyway.

So why so long with no posts? I just didn’t feel like it. I honestly think I’ve been dealing with a touch of post-partum depression. Or maybe just work depression. But I’ve not been feeling sociable. Things have just been kind of yucky, and I just didn’t feel like writing about it. I always hated that half of my posts were about how overwhelmed I was with work and kids and how I was struggling to stay on the straight and narrow. No one likes to listen to a whiner.

Things are improving, though. I’ve reached a point where I think work shouldn’t be so overwhelming for at least a little while (this was probably the biggest thing I’ve been dealing with). The kids and I have settled into a routine where it isn’t too horrible getting everyone together and getting out the door. And I think I’m ready to pull myself back together, physically.

Ever since my son was born, I’ve just let myself go. I told myself I was just too busy to exercise (though I tried a few times), eat right, etc. Well, I’m now the heaviest I’ve ever been and am tired all the time and I just can’t live like this any more. I’m approaching my 38th birthday and I’m ready to regain control of my life. Like I said, I think I’ve finally reached a point where I’m emotionally ready to do it, and I think that life is slightly less stressful right now, which should also help.

Today I’m going home for lunch and am going to inventory my pantry to see exactly what foods I have on-hand, so I can plan our menus for next week. I’m determined to stick to the menu planning thing, not just for nutrition sake, but also to try and cut back on our grocery bills; they’ve been outrageous lately! I always keep a fairly stocked up pantry, so I want to see what I have prior to going grocery shopping later tonight.

I plan to take my oldest two kids to the beach tomorrow (Connor is now 4, Cailyn is 2), which we haven’t done yet this year. That’s one of my favorite things to do and we just haven’t done it. Jerry’s never into the beach and the idea of taking all of the kids just seemed too much. But I’ve already arranged to leave the baby (Colin, almost 8 months old) home with the husband, and the other two kids and I are going to do the beach thing tomorrow. I’m really looking forward to it!

I’ve started working out again, as well. The plan is to do the treadmill/free weights thing first thing in the morning (5 am), then do yoga during my lunch hour. So far, so good.

Guess that’s all I’ll say for now. I’m going to make a real effort to keep blogging. I do think it helps me to write things down. And this time around I can at least be assured there won’t be any more unexpected pregnancies to trip up my progress – I’m finished with that, thank you very much! I have goals. I have a plan. Now I just have to get to it!

Be talkin’ to ya!

Kids and kale and kicking booty at the gym

2008-04-01T16:12:00.001-04:00

I’m feeling good today. Was back “off” the CR wagon the last few weeks, imbibing too much wine, eating too much cheese, Doritos and other crap. Yesterday, however, I went back to the gym for the first time since early in my pregnancy. I had gone to the exercise room at my apartment complex a few times during my maternity leave, but nothing consistent, so yesterday was a big step. It’s funny; I felt almost intimidated before I went in, largely because I’ve put on some weight (I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been in my LIFE), and I hadn’t been in for so long. As soon as I went in, however, I realized my worries were needless. My gym is very non-hardbody, at least during the lunch hour. I’d say there are more overweight and/or old folks than young pretty things (male or female), so as soon as I got in, I felt at home. Almost like it hadn’t been a year since I worked out there. I had a good workout, too. Ran for about 10 minutes and walked an additional 35 minutes. Of course, it’s a telling thing that I’m completely sore this morning after a paltry amount of exercise, but I’m cool with it. At least I got myself in.

I also was excellently CR’ed yesterday. Last night for dinner I cooked kale, edamame and various other veggies, along with a baked chicken breast. Happily, my kids now eat kale as well as their old stand-by, broccoli! Connor turned up his nose, but as soon as Cailyn tried it and said, yum, Connor was willing. He doused it with lemon juice and is now a committed kale-o-phile.

Went to the gym again today and had another lovely workout. I have to say that my MP3 player is REALLY a motivator in the gym. The time just flies by when I have some jammin’ music on. My perennial workout favorite: Weapon of Choice by Fatboy Slim. Almost anything by Madonna also is fab, particularly her most recent techno-dance stuff also really gets me moving.

Ok. REALLY busy at work. Gotta get back to it. . .

Is anyone still out there reading me at all?

2008-03-03T15:33:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know, I’ve been horribly neglectful of my blog. I’ve just been SWAMPED both at work and at home and I haven’t been even remotely CR’ed, so it seemed pointless to post when I did have some time.

I’m back on the CR wagon as of today, though. I’d actually gained about 10 pounds over the past few months and I can’t live like this. My clothes fit poorly and I feel like even my complexion is off – I feel way older than my 37 years. So as of today, I’m back with the program.

Breakfast was egg substitute w/ fat free cheddar cheese and a serving of low-fat deli ham, and a cup of coffee with coffeemate creamer. Lunch was a can of Muir Glen Organic Minestrone Soup. Dinner will be tilapia, steamed veggies, salad, maybe a little bit of rice. I’m trying to go pretty low calorie today to get me kick-started well on getting healthy again.

In personal news, the baby is fabulous, Connor & Cailyn are fabulous. It’s all good. Other than the usual - kids get sick, I get sick, kids get sick again. That’s just same-old same old in our household.

Right now I’m in a glorious mood because it’s been remarkably spring-y lately. In the 70s and sunny. Quite fabulous. I’m thinking we may need to make a beach run next weekend. Or maybe we’ll hit the zoo. They have a new stingray exhibit there that sounds kind of cool. Of course, I have to survive this week at work. I’m REALLY busy lately, and I have a major plans submittal on one of my larger projects next Monday, so we’re all frantically trying to get everything done. Speaking of which, I’m at work, and I should really get back to it.

Back at it . . .

2008-01-28T09:55:00.000-05:00

Hi everybody. Sorry for the lack of posts. There was just no time to do ANYTHING when I was at home with the kids. Honestly. When I’d get on the computer, they’d want to get on and would hound me; its just better to not even make the effort when they were awake. And then when they were in bed, well, I was generally pooped and not in the mood to post either. I haven’t even been reading everyone else’s blogs! Plus, we went to Tennessee for a week to visit my family. So I’ve been out of the loop.

As of this morning, however, I’m back at work. And right now I’m taking time to post before we have a big staff meeting where everyone will bring me back up to speed on all my projects. You could say this is the calm before the storm. It sounds like things are going well here at the office, though, so maybe things won’t be as stressful as it was last fall. Plus, I’m no longer pregnant – hurray! That’s bound to help. I feel healthy and normal again.

I will confess to a serious lack of self discipline on my nutrition (and calories!) during my maternity leave. I’ve actually GAINED 5 pounds since giving birth. I really do not do well with a lack of structure in my days. And with the kids home with me, it was just hard to get any real “me” time. I’m really thinking things should be much better now that I’m back at work. No snack foods sitting around. As long as I plan my lunches, I should be able to control the calories during the day quite easily.

Today, here’s the plan:

Breakfast:
4 oz cottage cheese
Dannon Light and Fit Yogurt
2 tsp Benefiber
165 calories

Lunch:
½ c rice (approx)
1 – 2 c veggies (broccoli, carrots, cauliflower)
Chicken breast
(leftovers from last night’s dinner)
350 calories??

Snack:
Large Navel Orange

Dinner:
Tuna steaks
Veggies
Probably more rice or some pasta

Dinner is up in the air because our deep freeze got accidentally turned off a few weeks ago and a number of things thawed. The steaks still look ok, but I won’t know until I actually open the package if they’re really fine. If they don’t work, it’ll be tilapia.

OK. Got a meeting in 5 minutes. Later . . .

2008 - Day 2

2008-01-02T10:26:00.000-05:00

Things are going pretty well today. The kids are being surprisingly good (for once). Little Colin is fine. I'm fine.

Yesterday the weather was fab - in the 60s, breezy and sunny - so the big kids and I took a nice long walk then we went to the park so the kids to play for a while. Today, I may take them to the play area in the mall - the temperature had a rapid drop, so the high today is only in the 40s. Plus, the husband isn't home to watch the baby, and I don't want the baby out in the cold for an extended period of time. As it is, everyone in the family except the baby is sick.

The good thing about the new year is that I have resolutions for everyone in the family; not just me! I'm trying to convert the kids to a no (or minimal) food coloring and preservatives diet to see if it will calm down the hyperactivity. I'm also (starting tonight), going to be very strong and not allow the kids to have anything but water after 8 PM. The lack of sleep is killing me - they regularly wake up in the night, having peed the bed. And then they want to come in the bed with me, which is also going to be off limits. It wasn't so bad when it was just once in a while, but it has become a regular thing. They'll stay in their rooms until 3 am or so, then one or the other (or both!) inevitably ends up with me (then I don't sleep fully the rest of the night). Up to now, I've generally allowed these noctural shifts (especially since it wasn't a nightly occurance), but I just can't do it any more, not with the baby also getting up several times a night to eat. When I go back to work its going to be serious sleep deprivation unless I am more disciplined with myself and with the kids.

So those are a few things I'm working on. For myself, of course, its mainly the health thing. Eating more disciplined; exercise regularly. Fiscal responsibility (leading to freedom).

The last of those has become even more important, as my husband's oldest daughter and her two kids are apparently going to have to move in with us at least temporarily in February. Yes. A 25-year old, another 3-year old and a 1-year old, moving into our already cramped 3-bedroom apartment. I wish I could afford to move out right now. I don't mind Jessica, particularly. Its just going to be stressful to have all the extra people in the house. I mean, our kids are bad enough :-). I frankly can't invision just how this is going to work, unless it really is only for a week or two. Naturally, the husband can't tell me just how long the situation is supposed to be for. Freedom has become my biggest priority this year. I'm tired of having everyone else's needs take precidence over mine.

Foodwise, I've been good so far. I haven't been diligently tracking, so I guess I'm not technically "CRON", but I am certainly eating mindfully. This morning I had oatmeal with blackberries mixed in, plus two cups of coffee (see: sleep deprivation discussion, above :-).

I cooked up a fablulous taco pasta salad for dinner last night. It was actually really easy - just whole wheat pasta (rotini, in this case) topped with ground turkey mixed with taco seasoning, onions, green and red bell peppers, a dollop of reduced fat sour cream & salsa, all then placed atop a bed of raw spinach. It was DELICIOUS! The only downside was I could have eaten about three plates-full.

Dinner tonight will probably be tilapia, rice, and veggies. A staple in our house.

Ok. Gotta go. Its 11 am, and the baby will be waking up hungry shortly. I need to get lunch going early today, because we're all going to the doctor at 12:40 for Cailyn's cough. Good times.

Here I am!

2007-12-27T12:50:00.000-05:00

So Colin is now two weeks old and is doing very well. The first week he was a bit jaundiced, but not enough to require any additional treatment. He's really skinny looking, but that was true of my first two, as well (he's in the 25th percentile for weight and height compared to other infants his age).

I'm feeling pretty good, though I haven't really jumped back on the CR/weightloss bandwagon until today. I immediately lost about 11 pounds from my highest weight, so I'm now sitting at a staggering 162 lbs. I went to the gym for the first time today, and was really trying to see where I stand regarding both my fitness and potential pain and soreness. It went well. I walked 20 minutes at a 3 mph pace then lifted some light weights for my upper body. Nothing major - I'll be surprised if I'm sore tomorrow. The walk was actually more of a challenge than I thought it would be, though. I had some lower back pain, which was kind of a surprise. It wasn't major soreness, and I don't think it'll hold me back from trying to go a bit faster tomorrow. My biggest issue is having my two oldest with me in the exercise room. I've pulled them from daycare entirely for three weeks of my maternity leave, so they're with me 24/7, which is challenging. They'll be back in daycare 3-days a week for the last four weeks of my leave, which I think will be good for all of us!

I debated waiting until January 1 to really dive back in, but I want to have lost as much weight as possible when I go back to work at the end of January, so I decided it would be better to get going right away. I don't feel too guilty about not walking the line the first two weeks; I've been trying to stay sane. My mother was here for the week before and the first two weeks after Colin came, and we nearly killed each other with bickering (can she BE more critical?) And, as I mentioned briefly in my last post, my two adorable older children have become really, really, really naughty. Really.

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Ha, ha. I started this post yesterday afternoon and had to abrubtly dash away because Cailyn tried to carry three bowls stacked one atop the other and dropped them, breaking one into a million pieces.

Its now 8:00 am and I'm REALLY tired. That's the one aspect of the early baby days that I'm ready to be through with. Actually, the early baby days are always kind of stressful. Infants are so delicate! When they get to be like three months old, you don't have to worry so much about "breaking" them :-). We all had heart failure a few days ago when Connor decided to crawl under the bouncy seat, with Colin inside it. The whole thing started to tip over. God. We freaked. I'll be much more relaxed in a month or two!

Ok. Gotta get this posted. Need to download the latest version of Cron-o-meter. Need to fold laundry. Need to pump some milk for junior. Need to make my bed. Need to plan my meals for the rest of the day. Gotta fix my hair. Gotta do lots of stuff. I swear staying at home with the kids is three times the work of having a full time job as a civil engineer! Kudos to those of you who do it and don't completely lose your sanity!

Am Here. Have Baby.

2007-12-24T12:59:00.000-05:00

Don't have time to say much. It's 1 PM on Christmas Eve and we still need to buy some presents for my stepdaughter (because my husband, of course, didn't yet).

I do want to say that I have a brilliant, fabulous baby boy.

William Colin Wright.
7 lb 9 oz.
19.75 inches in length

Already knows his ABCs (just kidding).

All is well, other than the fact that my other two kids have become demon children and all I do is spend my days yelling, screaming, and spanking. Am ready for them to go back to daycare. Am clearly horrible mother :-).

Merry Christmas, everyone. Will post more when I have time.

THanks for all the well-wishes!

Love,
Amy

Tomorrow is the day!

2007-12-10T20:12:00.000-05:00

Went to the doctor this morning and I was almost 3 cm dilated and they said they were happy to induce me tomorrow! So Tuesday, December 11th it is.

It's now 8:20 pm and I think the kids are mostly in bed (there's usually a few get ups before they truly settle), and I need to get up at 5 am tomorrow to be at the hospital by 6 am. So, I'm just going to settle for posting this, and let you know how it goes after the fact.

Thanks for all the well-wishes.

Bye, all.

Friday = False Labor Day

2007-12-09T04:12:00.001-05:00

I hereby declare Fridays to be False Labor Day in Amy-land. Yes, that's right, in what was a near repeat of last Friday, junior caused me no-end of discomfort, nay - pain, and stress all night long on Friday, only to deny me that blessed release of an actual delivery. Darn it!

So it's now Sunday REEAAALLY early (4:15 am), and I'm stil pregnant. I woke up about an hour ago because my son had peed in his bed (good times) and the resulting mayhem (changing his clothes, washing him off, getting his bedding into the laundry room, etc) woke me up enough I can't go back to sleep.

I need to get up fairly early this morning anyway - 6-ish - to help my mom drive my step-dad to the airport. He's flying back home to Tennessee, while my mom sticks around to see the new baby and help out with the kids when I first get home. Of course, that is highly dependent upon me actually delivering a baby at some point this week.

I joke, but I'm really not too concerned. My doctor's appointment is at 9:45 Monday morning and if there's any discussion other than which day I'll be induced this week, I'm going to turn on the tears, rant and rave, and beg if necessary. I don't think it'll be necessary, though. My guess is Tuesday or Wednesday will be delivery day. Hurray! I should know in just over 24 hours!

Well, guess that covers my news, or lack thereof, for today. Stay tuned. As soon as junior comes out, I'll be back to CR'ing and posting about health, nutrition, etc. again. Later . . .

Baby update (again!)

2007-12-03T14:35:00.000-05:00

So as of 11:00 am this morning, I'm 2 cm dilated and the doctor says I could go anytime (that's progress from last Monday, when I was only 1 cm). But they won't schedule an induction until next week, assuming I haven't delivered by then.

I'm really hoping Junior cooperates and just comes out already! I'm tired and just READY. Plus, my parents are already in town and as much as I know my mom came to "help", its causing me more stress to have her here.

Plus, my motivation at work is GONE. I have no interest in anything work related. I just want to "nest". And plan my meals for "after baby". And plan my workouts for "after baby". Etc. Everything is "after baby".

Oh, I should mention, I'm supposed to hear about the uber-cool job prospect some time this week. I think its mine, but I'm not 100%, because they did short list 3 of us, so if one of the others made a really knock-out impression . . . Plus, in my last interview, they took me around to meet a number of the (multitudes) of people who would be working under me, and frankly, it IS a bit intimidating. While I consider myself to be intelligent, capable, and a good engineer, I can't pretend to have vast experience in managing people. Just the small groups of engineering teams who work on my projects. In this position, I would have 9 people reporting directly to me (department heads, essentially), and beneath them, staff of 40 or 50. So a fairly major change in responsibility level. I'm confident I'm up to the challenge, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't freak me out at least a little bit!

At any rate, my current job is very secure, so there's no-harm, no-foul if the prospect doesn't turn into an offer. I'll just consider it something that wasn't meant to be.

Ok. I'm at work and should at least try to get a few things done. Though I've been fairly successful in foisting off a lot of my stuff to other people since I could need to leave at any time.

As always, I'll keep everyone posted regarding little Colin. Hope he's out this week!

False Alarm

2007-12-01T19:47:00.000-05:00

Ok. I'm still here. After over four hours of timing my bloody contractions and feeling like crap last night, I fell asleep at 4:30 am and when I woke up at 7:00 am, nada.

Today, I felt relatively normal, for a woman who is 8.5 months pregnant, of course.

Still hoping for some action before I have to go back to work on Monday.

Will keep everyone posted.

Am I having a baby?

2007-12-01T01:45:00.000-05:00

So beginning Wednesday/Thursday, there have been signs that my labor is immenent. And the last two nights, I've had major cramping - like menstrual cramps - which is how it felt with my first two, until I got my epidurals.

I'm really nervous, though, because I feel like a first timer! My first two kids were induced. I never went into labor on my own, so I don't know what to expect and how to know if its real (other than what I read online, of course). Its frustrating!

Tonight, for instance, I woke up at 12:00 am or so with major crampy pain and contractions. It must be false labor, though, because even though it lasted over an hour and a half, I feel better now. I haven't cramped up in at least 15 minutes.

I'm actually glad; it's now almost 2:00 am, and my kids are asleep and I really don't want to wake them up for a trip to the hospital only to find that its false labor. As much as I want this child delivered and NOW, my parents won't be in town until late tomorrow morning, and we don't have good childcare lined up if I should need to go in tonight. In fact, if the contractions kick in again and DO seem to be regular and increasing in intensity, like they say to watch out for, I guess I'll have to call a friend of mine from work to come over and stay at my apartment until morning because I don't know where my idiot husband is. He had a work Christmas party earlier this evening (right after work), and hadn't yet come home when the kids and I went to bed. Well, I know he's been here because the tv and lights are on in his room, but no Jerry. I've even tried calling him three or four times now and not gotten an answer. I would be worried, if it weren't for the fact that this has happened before and he always shows up eventually. I'm REALLY steamed tonight, though, because he KNOWS theres a very real chance I could go into labor this weekend and he has no business not being here, and probably having imbibed enough alcohol that he wouldn't be able to drive me to the hospital if I needed him to. Jerk.

Luckily, I live literally 5 to 10 minutes from the hospital. Its just down the highway, so if I had to, I could bloody-well drive myself. Seems like I do everything else myself. But hopefully it won't come to that. It's 2 am, and hopefully this little drama was just false labor and the real thing won't happen until my parents arrive tomorrow from Tennessee.

Will keep you posted.

I survived!

2007-11-26T16:09:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving ended up being just fine. Hallie and Alexis came over by Grandma Amanda did not. Hurray. Furthermore, it was a very simple Thanksgiving meal. The turkey took about 30 minutes to prep in the morning, then I made the sides really quickly in the afternoon (including plain corn, green beans with almonds, brussels sprouts in butter sauce (from the freezer section), pre-made mashed potatoes, instant stuffing, and Hallie provided the desserts, which was good because even when I do cook, I don't bake.

We had a nice weekend, and now I'm back to work.

Went to the doctor today and found that I am 1 cm dilated and the baby's head is down. Which isn't real news, actually. For those who have had children, we all know you can sit at 1 cm dilation for WEEKS. Still, 1 cm is better than 0 cm, and I'm not losing hope that Colin will come out soon. I'm really hoping for some progress.

I'm going to get the heck out of here a bit early today. Its now 4:15 pm. I have work that I will be taking home (yuck), but I'll deal with it later. I'm just too tired and unmotivated to tackle anything further this afternoon.

Will try to keep everyone posted if I have the baby any time soon. Bye for now . . .

Thanksgiving Drama . . . stay tuned!

2007-11-19T12:10:00.000-05:00

Still pregnant, but I’m now feeling twinges and moderately painful sensations WAAAAY down low, so I’m PSYCHED! I’ll be four weeks away as of this Wednesday, but I’m close enough now that if Colin wants to come out, he should be just fine. He’ll be officially full term (37 weeks) next week. I feel really good, and in an excellent mood regarding the baby and all in all am looking forward to his arrival.

Now, with all that said, I’m about to unleash a vent/rant about my Thanksgiving plans. I can’t vent this to anyone else. They’ll think I’m a complete drama queen. And maybe I am, but if you can’t vent on your blog, where can you vent?

I now have an added reason for little Colin to arrive in the next 24 to 72 hours: I went from expecting a small family Thanksgiving of just the husband and my two kids to now cooking for my step-daughter Alexis (age 7), her mom, and her grandma. Now, Lexi’s mom (henceforth to be called Hallie – not her real name) is just fine; I like her perfectly well and we could have a fine time with her coming over – in fact, I was the one who suggested she come over when I heard about her situation (more on that later), but HER mom (Lexi’s grandma) is not my favorite person to hang out with. Moreover, she's completely nuts (IMO). But I digress.

I’m not exactly sure how the invite to Hallie resulted in grandma coming too, but now it’s going to be a Thanksgiving EVENT and I have to cook a reasonably decent meal, or look like a domestic failure. Not that Hallie or Amanda (Grandma) are domestic AT ALL, but still . . . So if little Colin should decide to be delivered early and get me out of what’s sure to be a major fun-fest on Thursday, I won’t complain!

It is definitely getting lively around our apartment lately. Ready to hear some MORE drama? Unfortunately, Hallie’s four-year marriage appears to be going through major turmoil. Really, really bad turmoil. As in: her husband appears to be having an affair with a family friend. Not only that, though he’s only Lexi’s step-father, he keeps taking her over to the girlfriend’s house along with his two kids (Lexi’s half-sisters), who all call the “other woman” Aunt So-and-So (of course, HE claims she’s just a good friend). In addition, he isn’t shy about arguing with Hallie in front of Lexi and even bringing Lexi into the marital arguments, asking her to take sides. She’s SEVEN YEARS OLD, for heaven’s sake!!!! Needless to say, Hallie and my husband are less than thrilled about this. Hallie’s husband also has major anger management issues – throws things, yells, has been arrested for assaulting a security guard at a hospital, among other things. However, he’s in the military and I believe he’s never been prosecuted for any of the really bad stuff that has gone down in the past (I believe the Navy handled his arrests “internally”). Unfortunately, Hallie is still in love with the SOB, and still apparently holds out hope that they’ll “work it out” if only the other woman were not around (yeah, right!), so she’s never able to put her foot down when he takes all the kids over to his “friend’s” house, even though she doesn’t like it.

So, this jerk’s anger issues and the fact that he appears to be trying to turn Lexi against her mom have all of us very concerned. To the point where Lexi will now be staying with us for a “yet-to-be-determined” length of time; we picked her up on Saturday. So when we heard that Hallie’s husband’s “friend” was bringing Thanksgiving over to their house, and Hallie said she didn’t want to be there and would probably just spend the afternoon driving around town to kill time, of COURSE we invited her over. I really do feel bad for her. But now I’m officially cooking Thanksgiving dinner for company – good times! Last year was the first year I really went whole-hog and cooked a full Thanksgiving all by my very own self, and I have to say, it went really well. So I’m not too intimidated by the cooking thing, it’s more the company aspect that fills me with dread (Amanda is not really fun to be around for more than about 60 seconds at a time, for reasons I won't go into right now!)

Enough venting. This week I plan to do a fabulous Martha Stewart-worthy Thanksgiving, get the baby-stuff washed, hospital bag packed, and hopefully finish up my work obligations without completely going INSANE! Yoga, anyone?

A new me, sort of . . .

2007-11-15T09:30:00.001-05:00

So this is me now. I got my hair chopped over a month ago (maybe two months), in an attempt to look a little more professional for my interviews with the potential job. I wasn't sure I'd like it so short, but I actually do. I'm not in love with this photo, but that isn't unusual. I'm not terribly photogenic. Even on days when I think I'm lookin' HOT, somehow pictures taken of me never seem to look like what I think I look like. Self delusion? Maybe. This particular photo, though, just makes me look like I'm slightly sedated, which I'm not. It was taken for a work proposal, and for that purpose, I don't mind - I'm not trying to drum up dates; I just want to look like a professional engineer :-).

Anyway, thought I'd post it since I don't look like my profile image any more. Will probably update that eventually, too, but I gotta get back to work now. I need to leave the office in 30 minutes to take my son to a doctors appointment.

Later . . .

Update alert!

2007-11-13T16:36:00.000-05:00

A friend just pointed out that, once again, I’ve been a negligent blogger, going too far between posts. So, an update!

First, still pregnant. 35 weeks along. That means 5 weeks to go. I’m seriously thinking (hoping) it will be sooner, though. I’m as big as a barn and am increasingly uncomfortable, just getting around. My biggest turmoil over the past two weeks was a hideous cold that turned into an even more hideous cough. That, in turn, led to an actual bruised rib/pulled rib muscle/plursey – take your pick – the docs wouldn’t commit to a real diagnosis. All I know is a little over a week ago, I was coughing in my bed one night and I felt/heard a pop and immediately felt a sharp, horrible pain in my right side beneath my ribs. I thought for sure I had broken a rib, but who does that, other than someone who has serious osteoporosis issues? I fought the pain, but when I nearly couldn’t get out of bed because of it (in combination with my ENORMOUS belly), I called my doctor in a panic, crying from the pain. Ultimately, I went in to the emergency room the next morning (after an extremely uncomfortable night), where they took a few chest x-rays, noted that I hadn’t punctured a lung, and prescribed me some (a) mac-daddy pain medicine, (b) mac-daddy muscle relaxants, and (c) antibiotics (for the cough, just in case). BTW, all meds are doctor approved for pregnancy.

It’s been over a week now, and, happily, the pain has dulled to a minor throb – kind of feels like a bruise. I felt like a complete drama queen, but was reassured by my doctor when she told me that there are apparently lots of nerve endings in that area and when you do injure yourself there, it does in fact hurt like a bee-yotch. Made me feel less like a compete baby. I’ve always been proud of my pain tolerance. I’ve had numerous dislocated shoulders (4 or 5), a few broken bones (ankle, finger), dislocated thumb (unfortunate dodge ball accident), and stitches on my face twice (with accompanying black eyes), but this rivaled any of those for pain.

Oh, and as for my multitude of previous injuries, all I can say is that, no, I’ve never been physically abused. I was always a tomboy, into sports and physical play, and I’m also the clumsiest person you’re likely to meet. Just ask my mom. Of all of the folks in my family (I’m the only girl, with three younger brothers), I’m the one who will (a) walk into the sides of doorways, (b) fall down the stairs, (c) fall out of trees, (d) slip on the ice (broke my ankle), (e) dislocate my shoulder while (1) water skiing, (2) snow skiing, (3) playing flag football, and (4) falling on more ice, until I finally had surgery to fix said shoulder (apparently I have a shallow rotator cuff - no dislocations since the surgery, though – hurray!). I’m like a real-life comedy skit. My mom always tells me, “Amy, you just need to be more careful!” Like I hadn’t thought of that in my 37 years on the planet! At least I moved to Florida, so I don’t have to worry so much about the ice thing.

And yes, tomorrow is my birthday. 37 big years. Am looking seriously forward to getting back into the CR lifestyle, as I’ve been feeling every one of those 37 years this year. Nothing like an unexpected pregnancy when you already have a 2-year old and 3-year old in tow to wear the heck out of you.

Weight update: Exactly 19 pound overall gain so far this pregnancy. Just right, according to my doc. If I can convince junior to come out before I gain much more I should be hunky-dory. Unfortunately, even my maternity clothes have become uncomfortably snug. I’m too big a cheapskate to buy anything new this close to the end, though. I’ll just be busting out of my pants until the big day.

Ok. Guess that’ll do for now. I’ll try to keep everyone posted when I actually have some real news to post. For now, I’m just counting down the days, thinking positive thoughts, and jumping up and down regularly to try and convince little Colin (did I tell you guys that we changed our mind on the name?) to come OUT already!

Things I love about my bod . . .

2007-10-25T14:11:00.000-04:00

Here's my list:

1. Good skin tone. I tan easily, always have (it's the American Indian in me, from both sides). It's a blessing and a curse. Probably if I didn't tan, I'd have less wrinkles because I would have avoided the sun. On the other hand, I'm less likely to get skin cancer. Plus, I probably wouldn't have developed my obsessive love of the beach if I were concerned about exposing too much of the bod to the sun!

2. Good teeth. I'm very lucky in that my teeth are naturally straight (no braces!) and were quite white before my red wine obsession wreaked its havok on the shade. Plan to get them bleached at some point, but am not too concerned about it!

3. I'm well proportioned. Even when I'm a little overweight, I have good proportions. I know some women who are cursed with a big behind even when their skinny. I like my shape. Arse not too big, boobs not too small. Just right :-).

4. I like my height. I'm 5'3". I wouldn't mind being a bit shorter or a bit taller, but, in general, I feel "just right" (same as the proportions :-).

5. I'm strong. Even when I'm not weight training, I've always been strong. I could always do pushups and pullups, without working too hard at it. Even when I was WAY out of shape (IMO), I still had good muscle tone, which is very helpful when you're pregnant and still carrying two small children around the house!

6. My reproductive tract. Yes, I know this is a weird one, but the fact is, I'm apparently quite fertile and my pregnancies have actually been blissfully uneventful (my bitching and moaning notwithstanding). Lets face it, I know lots of women who had horrible morning sickness (I had almost none - no barfing for me), or an inability to carry to term, etc. I'm apparently a baby-machine. Would have been more helpful 100 years ago, probably, but still, its a blessing. I've my fingers crossed that my good luck with hold out until I deliver my current little bundle of joy (in 8 weeks and counting).

7. Good joints / minimal aches and pains. I don't know that this is really a "body part", but I consider myself blessed that I don't have a bad back, bad knees, bad hips, arthritis, etc. It seems like LOTS of people I know (even ones my age, which is a tender 36 - hardly over the hill!) have joint issues. Mine are just fine, thank you, which means I can run if I want to, can do yoga, can jump, flap, pound, whatever. I also keep my fingers crossed that this good fortune will continue as well.

8. As with Robin, I have a very expressive face. I'm EXTREMELY animated. A little too animated, if you ask my mom. She thinks I'm borderline manic. She may be right. But its better than being completely boring, in my opinion.

So that's my list. There are a few things I wouldn't mind fixing on the old bod, and I might, should I ever have enough spare change to pay for it (nose job? chemical peel?), but in general, I'm happy with my overall picture. It's me, and like it or not, I've gotten used to wearing this bod over the years. I'm comfortable in my skin, I guess. And that's just fine!

Ok, I give up, I'll post something :-)

2007-10-23T14:38:00.000-04:00

On JD’s prompting, I guess I’ll do an update. Sorry for being such a lax poster. I just haven’t been in a chatty mood lately, I guess.

Pregnancy is still fine. I’m on week 32 this week – hurray, only 8 to go! I’m sitting at about 167 lbs in weight, which is 14 pounds more than I weighed when I found out I was pregnant, so its all good, I suppose.

I’ve already started mentally planning my get-back-in-shape routine for after I have the baby, though I haven’t started the process of writing anything down. For me, writing things down makes it official, somehow. Just haven’t quite gotten in the mood for that yet, though.

Interesting news, job-wise. The job I was excited about, then wrote off? Well, it appears that they are willing to wait for me to have the baby. They contacted me a couple of weeks ago and apologized for not being in touch, said they were still interested, wanted to know if I was, etc. Long story short, they brought me in for a “formal” interview, at which time they told me I was still their top choice, and they are not in a hurry to fill the position as they would rather have the right person. I got the impression they were still interviewing other people, but he told me I was the top of the list, so I think the job is actually going to be mine (yay!). The problem is that they don’t have provisions for maternity leave (short term disability, which I have with my current employer), and because it’s a government entity, with the salary paid by taxpayer dollars, they can’t just make a special exception for me. Not to mention it would be a tough sell for the guy who really wants me to convince the powers that be that they should pony up a bunch of money to pay me for 6-weeks that I won’t be working right shortly after I’m hired. Soooo, I fully anticipate a job offer, but I most likely won’t be making any moves until after my maternity leave. It was a relief to hear from them, though, because work has still been stressful and yucky at my current employer, and I’m ready for a change. Not to mention that this would be a REALLY good offer for someone my age and level of experience. A really good position to have on my resume, even if I decided it wasn’t really for me and I needed to move on eventually. So, I probably won’t be spilling the beans formally until everything is settled, which will probably be sometime in January (depending on when Junior decides to enter the world).

This week my parents (mom & step-dad) are visiting from Tennessee. It’s always nice to have them down; as you can expect, they miss my kids like crazy and wish we lived closer. My two kids are the only grandkids now and for the near future (barring some unforeseen “accident” by one of my brothers’ girlfriends – ha, ha!). Speaking of which, attached is the latest and greatest photo of my children. . .

I have no idea why I'm having such issues w/ posting photos lately. When I scan them on our office copier, they scan to PDFs, then I copy them down to an image file, but they always seem to end up skewed. I played with this one to try and keep the proportions, but its still really crappy quality. Oh well, they DO look like my kids, I suppose, so I should be ok with that :-).

So that’s pretty much it, news-wise. You can see why I haven’t posted much. Not much to say. Not much going on. Just trying to stay sane and complete my womb time before making the next step into the future. Ho, hum. Maybe I should take up running again to see if it gets junior to come out sooner . . .

Week 30 - still pregnant . . .

2007-10-03T10:34:00.000-04:00

It’s officially week 30 of my pregnancy! This really feels like a milestone for me because it feels like I’m almost there! I can look at a calendar and see that its still two months, which seems like a long time, but somehow 10 weeks doesn’t seem all that long at all – weird self-delusion? Maybe, but if it makes me feel like I’m finally getting there, then who am I to question it?!

I made it over another major work hump last week, so this week is another nicely slow-ish one. I am playing catch-up with some things that were supposed to be done AGES ago, but which had taken a back seat to other fires, but I just can’t get worked up about it. I know my boss would like me to work 50 or more hours per week to get the things done that need doing, but I just can’t do it. I’m nearly 37 years old and am quite pregnant and by the time 5:30 pm rolls around, I just can’t focus on work. My thoughts get scattered and my motivation slips. I truly hope that when I go on maternity leave, the break from work will refresh me and help me to refocus when I come back. I don’t like feeling like someone who doesn’t get things done, but I’ve just reached a point in my life where work isn’t my number one priority any more, as much as my boss might dislike that fact. I’d rather take a pay cut than feel guilty for not slaving in my office all the time!

Regarding my other job opportunity, I’ve basically written it off. They’ve never gotten back to me, which IMO is really unprofessional. It does bum me out, though, because while I wasn’t the one who approached them about the opportunity, after talking to them I really got excited about the position. I’d rather not have interviewed at all!

Given that this is supposed to be a CR blog, I will note that as I’ve discussed previously, I feel like my nutrition is basically OK, though I haven’t been tracking and I’ve still been consuming some bad with the good. Yesterday, for instance, I had a very healthy pasta with steamed spinach, broccoli, baby corn, carrots and water chestnuts for lunch, but then had frozen pizza for dinner. In fairness, it was a fairly healthy pizza, relative to some brands one can buy. Sometimes you just have to have convenience foods on-hand for days like yesterday. Left work late due to excessive rain (was hoping it would slack off, but it didn’t), so I got home late, and didn’t feel like cooking.

Today I had a cottage cheese pack for breakfast (Breakstone’s Live Active 2% Lowfat Cottage Cheese) with coffee, two packets of Splenda and a Coffemate French Vanilla Creamer Pack. I was going to have raw strawberries with the cottage cheese, but discovered my strawberries had turned gross since I last checked, so they had to be thrown away :-( - waste of good healthy food! For lunch I think I’m going to be fiscally naughty and buy a greek salad from the Saladworks place in the mall. I shouldn’t because I’m trying to save $$$, but it sounds really, really good right now! Will see if I change my mind in the next 30 minutes before I leave for lunch. (The alternative is to run home and grab the pasta/spinach meal I cooked up two days ago and forgot to grab when I left for work this morning. Frankly, the salad sounds tastier).

It’s been crazy rainy here lately. We’ve been having a nor’easter for the past few days, and we had another last week. For those of you who have never lived on the east coast, a nor’easter is a storm that blows in from the ocean from the north east. During the winter they’re real beyotches, especially if you live up north where it’s actually “cold” during the winter. Here they mostly produce lots and lots of rain. What makes them unique is they aren’t like a typical frontal system that just passes through – they kind of spin and just keep producing more rain bands over and over until they finally end.

Later, everyone . . .

Baby insomnia?

2007-09-19T02:43:00.000-04:00

It's now 2:45 am and my adorable daughter has been awake since 12:15 am. She is now back in her crib but I can hear her chatting away in her bedroom. It's insane! Of course, I was ridiculously tired when she first woke up, but now, I'm wide-ass awake, too. I'm afraid I'll feel differently at 8:00 tomorrow morning when I need to be at work and productive. Not to mention Cailyn at daycare - she's going to want a 4-hour nap! Will have to see how long it takes me to fall back asleep.

Good night!

Enough self pity!

2007-09-15T20:27:00.000-04:00

Ok. As promised, I deleted the self-pitying drivel I wrote earlier.

Yes, I've been really overwhelmed lately, but I feel better right now, so that's enough.

I'm about to go to bed after a long afternoon of stepdaughter chaos. I swear it amazes me how one child can be so hyperactive and create such . . . chaos is the word! We finally went to Ollie Koala's (kind of like Chuckee Cheese, but cheaper and less crazy), and let all three kids just burn off some energy. We came home about an hour ago and now Cailyn is in bed, but Connor and Alexis are still going strong. At this point, if they stay up, they're going to do it unsupervised by me, because I'm not going to be able to stay awake much longer. I'm just hoping they're worn out enough they collapse soon. Connor would normally be asleep by 9pm, but as near as I can tell, Alexis isn't given any kind of actual schedule at home, so she's always ready to stay up until midnight on weekends she's here. It's really hard to deal with a child who seems to have no limits at home, when you get them only every other weekend!

I do want to thank you guys who commented. Zeynep - long time no speak - I hope things are going well for you. I think things will be better for me in a year or so. If I can just get myself together enough (financially) to make a break, a lot of things will improve, I think. I'm just in a funk. And being hormonal and as big as a barn doesn't help.

As for nutrition, I'm sorry, but if I can remember to take my pre-natal vitamin I consider it a successful day. That's all I can handle right now. Which reminds, me, I need to take mine before bed.

Bye now . . .

Still hanging in there . . .

2007-09-06T12:10:00.000-04:00

I still haven’t heard about the job offer yet. I’m not overly concerned, and I’m telling myself not to get my hopes up too high, but . . . gosh, I really want this job! I’m just so tired of doing consulting engineering! Always worrying about project budgets (have we overspent it) and workload (do we have enough to keep us billable). It’s like its always either feast or famine – either we have so much that needs to be done that I’m freaking out with the stress of it or our workload has decreased enough that there aren’t any jobs to bill to, and we’re expected to stay a certain percent billable (on any given day, we are supposed to put a certain amount of time to actual projects, as opposed to marketing or overhead). Unfortunately, lately, I’ve had a combination of the bad things - a ton of things to do, but most of our projects are nearly overspent (for various reasons, many of which are out of our control). So that means I’ve been freaking out trying to get things done, while feeling worried about what the heck I’m going to put on my timesheet at the end of the week. It’s crazy.

And, as I said, I always feel guilty when I have a lot of work to do, but I don’t put in the overtime I should. Regardless of the fact that I have small kids at home and I shouldn’t have to feel guilty about not working 60 hours a week. Consulting engineering is just one of those fields in which you’re expected to just put in the time once you reach a certain level in your professional career. But I don’t have to like it. So I sure hope I hear SOMETHING soon.

Food wise, I’ve been ok. Still eating some bad stuff along with the good, which isn’t a good thing, but it’s just so hard when I’m having cravings and there’s a feeling of freedom to not having to watch my weight. I so regularly watch what I eat when not pregnant that being pregnant is like a get-out-of-jail free card or something.

My weight is now up to 160.5 lbs (as of this morning), which is about 8 pounds more than I weighed pre-pregnancy, and 13 pounds more than my lowest weight after about a month of pregnancy. So I’m still good on the weight gain front. I’m now at 25 weeks – for the uninformed, a pregnancy is “scheduled” to be 40 weeks. My son lasted to 41 weeks + 1 day and my daughter was 39 weeks + 2 days, so I don’t have major expectations of delivering early. Still, my due date is December 19th, so I’m really, really hoping I can go in at least a little bit early so I’m feeling up-to-snuff for Christmas. And believe me, one of the biggest hurdles from giving birth is the soreness afterward. Now that epidurals are around, the actual child-birthing experience isn’t bad at all – it’s the aftereffects that get you. No natural childbirth for me. I have no issues with those of you who chose to go the “natural” route (though I’m afraid, deep down, I think you’re INSANE) – for me, a (wise) doctor said it well – when you have a tooth drilled, do you avoid anesthetic because it’s more “natural”? I’m going with an epidural, baby!

My first two childbirth experiences were fabulous. I was induced with both. Connor was induced because he was a week late and my amniotic fluid had begun to decrease, which is a natural occurrence if the pregnancy lasts too long, but it isn’t good for the baby if it gets too low. Cailyn was induced a few days before her due date, largely because I already showed signs that labor would begin shortly and my doctor was going to be on-call the following day, so it was just easier to “schedule” it, rather than waiting for a climactic event like my water breaking or something. All in all, they were great. Now, I’ll freely admit, I’m very against scheduled c-sections unless there’s a medical reason for it, but being induced? My two experiences were wonderful, so if I can have an induction again, I’m all for it. There’s a real freedom in just waking up, packing your suitcase, driving to the hospital and having your baby. Nice and tidy, and no fear or freakouts about whether it’s “real” labor or false labor, whether your water’s going to break in the mall or grocery store, or if you’ll deliver before you can make it to the hospital. I highly recommend induction if your doctor agrees that it’s late enough to be safe for the baby.

Ok, 'nuff pregnancy talk (the boys are probably bored silly!). Going to get some lunch. Then back to the grind here at work.

I'm still here, but maybe with news. . .

2007-09-01T13:58:00.000-04:00

Gosh, it's been almost a month since I posted! In truth its largely been because I haven't been paying much attention to my food and work has been stressful and overwhelming and I've just felt blah.

On the other hand, recent occurences make the future look brighter. Through happenstance, I recently ran into an old acquaintence of mine who is now Chief Operating Officer for one of the local municipalities near here. They are apparently looking for a Public Works Director. And after our brief reintroduction (I was doing a presentation to the CIty for a project), he contacted me about the position. I still don't know if I'm going to be offered the job, but it looks as though I might! And if I am, I've already decided I'm going to take it! I am so psyched!

I truly believe that these seemingly coincidental occurences happen for a reason. I've been REALLY unhappy in my current job recently. Well, to be fair, I have a lot of friends there, and my boss is the best manager I've ever had, the benefits are outstanding and also the best I've ever had, etc. So there are a lot of things going for my current job. On the other hand, the stress is killing me! I'd just begun to think that consulting engineering as a senior project manager isn't conducive to having a family with small children. I ALWAYS feel like there's more that I should be doing. I take work home every day, but most days I don't actually do anything at home, which then leads me to feeling guilty that I'm not putting in the effort that's expected. It's very stressful. It means I don't ever really relax, even on weekends, because there's always that nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I should have gone into the office to get caught up on things.

So anyway, I'm told that my new position (again, should it be offered) will be very busy, but I won't be expected to take it home with me. Its very much a "day job", other than two nights a month of City Council meetings and the occasional midnight water main break :-). I think it'll be challenging in a vastly different way than my current position is.

I'm already excited at the good things I could potentially do as Public Works Director ("green" initiatives for the City, for instance). I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high, though. It helps that I'm not in "need" of a new job. This opportunity kind of just walked into my door without me hunting it down at all.

So we'll see. I'm hoping to hear definitively if they're going to offer me the position early next week. Right now, beyond wondering if they are going to make an offer, my main concerns are with my health insurance and maternity leave, two items which are on the negotiating table. I'm not too worried about it, but they are the issues that are somewhat up in the air right now.

The preganancy is apparently going fine. I'm now in my 24th week (I think - I've kind of lost track). Now its just a question of counting down the weeks until junior comes out.

I've been avidly reading everyone's blogs. Just not feeling social enough to post to my own :-). I'm sure if I get good news I'll be posting in a couple of days, though.

Will keep you all posted . . .

I'm alive . . .

2007-08-17T18:12:00.000-04:00

Still here. Just really, really busy at work, then exhausted when I get home. I'm so ready to have this baby, it isn't even funny. I'm having my next ultrasound on Monday, which will be good. We think we have a name: William Logan , and we'll call him Logan. William is a long-standing family name of Jerry's, so he wanted to use it. I'm ok with it, as long as he doesn't end up as Bill, or Billy, or Will, or (God forbid) Willy. Logan is fine.

I've been reading everyone's blogs, just haven't felt much like posting myself. I feel like I'm in limbo, what with the pregnancy and all. My "womb time", as Hiroko from Red Mars would say - in my case its both figurative and literal.

This week I've been really busy at work, but it hasn't been a stressful "busy", just busy, which is fine. I could skip the stress :-).

Well, I've gotta figure out something to feed the kids, so I guess I'd better get back to my night job :-).

Later . . .

Quickie post

2007-07-30T15:40:00.000-04:00

No time to blog. Major deadline at work (due last Friday, still working on it - bleck). Been eating gak, but I don't care :-).

Lots of ups and downs at work lately. Home is ok. Kids doing fine. V. Busy all around.

Hopefully can begin to post again in a day or two (provided I finish this bloody drainage study).

Later . . .

It's a good day . . .

2007-07-19T10:23:00.000-04:00

I’m feeling pretty good today. I’m still in a really “healthy” vibe regarding the future, my finances, my health and fitness, the baby, etc. In a good mood about life, basically.

My back pain is virtually gone, other than an occasional twinge. Saw the OB doctor yesterday, following my “big” ultrasound on Monday, and everything’s cool. Of course, at this point in the pregnancy (18 weeks), doctor visits are fairly useless. They take your blood pressure (90 / 60), weigh you (no weight gain since my last visit 4 weeks ago), the doctor talks to you for about 5 minutes, they listen to the baby’s heartbeat on the Doppler meter, and that’s pretty much it. Waste of an hour (travel time, time in waiting room), in my opinion. Still, no news is good news, I suppose.

Work still sucks. No, it isn’t particularly stressful this week. It’s just that I’ve reached a point where my motivation is seriously lacking. I just don’t care as much any more, and I hate feeling that way. I don’t know. It’ll be nice to have maternity leave in January – I’m going to use the time to truly take stock of things (if I haven’t already done so before then). Make some decisions regarding what I really want to do. Do I change my job? Do I go back to school? Do I stay where I am and save as much money as I can so I can retire early? The early retirement thing is actually really appealing to me right now. I actually make a very respectable living, and as much as I’m burned out on the job right now, I think it may be better to slog it out for another 10 to 15 years, get the kids through school (ok, 20 years), and then just retire early, rather than starting over, accumulating new student loans, etc. in a field that probably won’t pay as much as the one I’m in now. I’m even considering working part time as a way to deal with the burnout. I can’t afford to right now, but in a couple of years? These are all things that I’ve been thinking about lately.

In nutrition news, well, I’ve been regularly eating my breakfast of cereal w/ walnuts & blueberries, lunch is generally a salad of some sort (I’ve been craving greek salads lately – LOVE them), and dinner is whatever I scrounge up for the kids, which for the past few days, at least, has been those skillet meals that have frozen veggies (broccoli, carrots, etc) along with either seafood or chicken and a little pasta. Evening snacks are typically ice cream, almonds, maybe some pretzels, pumpkin seeds. Relatively healthy, I think - barring the occasional fast food (Taco Bell lunch two days ago :-). Am I getting enough nutrition? Probably not. I’m going to have to bite the damn bullet and start tracking again. I just wish it didn’t seem like such a major league pain the @$$. My biggest issue is the planning. I have Robin’s daily menus. I’ve purchased the veggies I need to make the biggest bang for my buck nutrition-wise. I just don’t feel like actually preparing meals any more! Even when I’m not tired (thank you Jesus for getting me into the 2nd trimester of this lovely unplanned pregnancy :-), I just don’t feel like doing meal prep. I WANT to want to. Every day, I PLAN to do the next day’s lunch prep in the evening. Then evening comes and I end up just sitting on the sofa fighting sleep until its time to get the kids to bed. It’s embarrassing! Shoot, half the time I don’t even feel like cooking a "real" dinner and my poor kids end up eating frozen entrees for dinner! It’s shameful!

I’ve been thinking if I can get my evening meals together and prepped and everything done really quickly, then maybe I need to start taking the kids for a walk in the stroller after dinner, tired or not. It would do ALL of us some good. Maybe the exercise would help with my overall energy levels. And I know the kids would enjoy getting out of the apartment in the evenings.

Guess I just need to commit to doing it. Tonight we don’t have any evening errands (last night was the dreaded Walmart), so my plan for tonight will be tilapia, pasta, veggies, and a walk!

It's a boy!

2007-07-16T11:22:00.000-04:00

Yes, you heard correctly: It’s a boy!

We’re both very happy. Of course, I didn’t care one way or the other; since I have one of each gender all ready, it didn’t make any difference at all to me whether the baby was a boy or a girl. Jerry, however, with his four daughters and one son, is thrilled. So now we can really concentrate on picking a name. I’m glad I didn’t go for Jerry’s “deal” where he’d pick the name if it was a boy and I’d get to choose if it were a girl!

My back still hurts this morning, but it isn’t excruciating the way it was yesterday. I have profound respect for anyone who lives their life with chronic back pain. To be blunt, it must completely suck. My mother is one of those individuals, and I don’t know how she does it. Every time I get a taste of it, I realize how difficult it must be to deal with pain like that on a daily basis. I’m optimistic that I just pulled a muscle or something and it’ll be back to normal in a few days.

Am doing well on the "new me" front. Have done a bunch of motivated reading lately (re: personal finance, planning for early retirement, etc.). Ate a healthy breakfast – Fiber One Honey Crunch (or something like that) with walnut pieces and fresh blueberries on top. Didn’t measure my portions, but in all honesty, I doubt I’ll track things until after the pregnancy. Might as well acknowledge reality :-). Unfortunately, despite purchasing a number of healthy greens, I didn’t feel like assembling them into a healthy lunch yesterday - due to the aforementioned back pain, so I guess I’ll be eating lunch out - bad for the aforementioned financial planning :-). That’s one of my major goals – much less eating out, and sticking to my weekly budget. Unfortunately, I think my weekly budget is a bit too tight in the food, gas, miscellaneous line item. Need to reassess and make sure the number I choose is realistic (I went over by $50 when purchasing groceries this weekend – not an unusual occurrence, and not from buying a bunch of frivolous crap).

Ok. Gotta go scrounge up some lunch . . .

Sunday

2007-07-15T18:20:00.000-04:00

It's been an ok weekend, but I did a bad thing yesterday. I bought groceries (just me and Connor) and I'm pretty sure I carried too much, because today, my back is killing me in a way I have never felt before. I've never had back pain in my life (other than sporadic issues on EXTREMELY rare occasions - like twice in my LIFE), but I think yesterday I lifted way more weight than my pregnant self should have. I've been dying all day. I'm ok as long as I'm sitting or lying, but as soon as I move and stand up - bad news. And the husband has been sick and hasn't left his bedroom since Friday (other than brief forays into the kitchen for food), so I've been left to deal with the kids. Ouch. I hate when I just feel relief that its almost their bed time. It makes me feel like a bad mother.

On the good news front, Cailyn's prescription meds for her constipation issue have finally kicked in. She still cries when she goes (at least she did this afternoon), but I'm not sure if its real pain or just memory and fear from the bad experiences she's had for the past month or so. I appreciate all the input everyone has provided. Ironically, I had decided to give soy milk a shot myself even before hearing the advice from Robert. I've known for some time that Cailyn drinks more milk than she should. Ever since we stopped the actual "bottles" ages ago, she's used milk as her comfort when she's upset. Plus, she invariably wants it first thing in the morning and last thing at night, plus they give it at meals during daycare (no doubt to make up for parents that don't give their kids milk at home). I've been pushing gatorade and even juice, but she still adores the milk. So soy milk should be a nice transition for her. So far, so good.

On the up-side, I finally stocked up on good healthy foods for the week. Hello, nutrition! I even bought some pumpkin seeds.

Shoot. This post will have to continue later. I hear screams from our apartment balcony. Cailyn's peeved about something.

Later

Pondering life changes . . .

2007-07-12T11:37:00.000-04:00

I’m feeling very motivated, rejuvenated, and psyched today. I really enjoyed reading Nenette’s latest blog post (Go, Nenette!) and I sort of feel that way myself. I’ve felt really stagnant lately, due largely to work and home life issues. While none of those issues are really resolved, I’ve reached a decision that I need to address the things that I can, which means discipline in my nutritional, fitness, and financial life. I think the next year or so is going to involve some major changes for me, and having a new baby is the least of it. I’m not going into detail here, mainly because I have a lot of things to work out for myself, and I’m still in the middle of the process of deciding what direction I want my life to go. I’m currently not living the life I want for either me or my children, and I really need to plan a path that will get us to where we need to be. This could involve changes in almost every aspect of our lives.

There’s more to life than just “existing”, you know? Lately I’ve felt like every day is a plod: first we frantically get ready for work/daycare, then it’s me trying to kill the hours until I can get home, then it’s the exhaustion and (frankly) relief when it’s finally time to go to bed! I don’t want this kind of life. The kids need more from me, and I need more from life. I just don’t feel stimulated and excited about the future lately.

I want hobbies; I want fitness and health; I want my kids to see an active, invigorated life; I want to be an active part of the environmental movement; I want to relish learning new things again. And mostly, I want to be happy.

What does all this mean? I have no idea.

I just know that it’s going to mean changes. Lots of changes.

Nuthin' new

2007-07-11T11:30:00.000-04:00

Work does seem to be much better today. I still have lots of things waiting to be done, but I’m taking a breather. Somehow, when I’ve been under a lot of stress and deadlines and general icky-ness at work, then its suddenly much better, I require a day or two to just veg. That’s not ideal in my profession, however, where you are expected to remain at least 75% billable at all times. That means in any given day, I’m supposed to be working on projects (which presumably have actual budget remaining in them) that I can bill to. That doesn’t even count time that is spent on marketing (doing proposals for new work, etc.) or actual time off, which also counts against ones’ billability. I often (more and more often) wish for a job that required my physical presence, but would let me mentally veg every once in a while! Right now, it’s lunch time, though, and I merely need to decide what I’m eating. I’ve wasted WAY more money this week on stupid stuff than I should have (dinners out, lunches out, etc), but I’m just not into the soup/frozen entrée life and I haven’t prepared anything ahead of time so far this week, either. Wouldn’t be so bad, but I’m trying to pay off some credit cards and any $$$ that goes to frivolous non-necessities doesn’t go to my card. Right now I’m just hungry, though, and will no doubt buy something, somewhere. Maybe a salad from the mall food court.

The kids are doing ok, except we’re currently treating Cailyn for, er ..., constipation issues. Bless her heart, she eats better than Connor does, but no matter what she eats or how much liquid I force down her, she has poop issues. She cries and sometimes screams when she has to go. Finally, after a particularly troubling episode on Sunday, I took her to the doctor (probably I waited longer than I should have). They’ve prescribed her a safe laxative to give her for a week or so, and just recommended more juice with pulp and fruit. The thing is, I’ve been trying juices and fruits! I’m not a complete idiot, so I’ve been trying everything I could save buying actual meds. I don’t know. At this point, I’m just hoping the Miralax works quickly for her. I think she may just be one of those kids whose digestion isn’t as smooth as others! If anyone has any brilliant ideas (or dealt with this with their kids), then by all means, let me know!

Ok. Guess I’m going to hit the mall (or some other restaurant) before the lunch crowds catch me. Later . . .

2007-07-10T16:33:00.000-04:00

I realize this blog has been very non-CR lately. Believe me, I have every intention of reinvigorating the “on” portion of my diet, at least in the near future. I’m not nearly as successful as our good friend April at maintaining my eating habits when work goes to hell and I’m busy with the kids at home. My blogging suffers also :-).

As I indicated in my last post, I have every intention of copycatting Robin’s daily menus to some extent, but I have yet to actually get to the “healthy” grocery store to pick up my supplies. Plus, work has truly been horrible the past week and frankly, I haven’t been as concerned about my food prep as I have about several projects at work that have been swirling in the toilet.

Things seem to be a bit better (this afternoon, at least), so I’m hoping that at some point this week I’ll begin implementing my healthier pregnancy diet. As I’ve said before, I’ve still been eating fairly healthily, but there have also been some not-so-good choices mixed in with the good. I’ve given up the idea of “giving up” the ice cream. Limiting my intake will have to suffice :-).

I don’t really have anything new to report today. Just felt like I ought to contribute some sort of post to the blog. As an example of my diet lately, here’s what I’ve had today:

Breakfast:
Banana
Cup of coffee w/ coffeemate creamer (french vanilla flavor)

Lunch:
Olive Garden Shrimp Primavera & Salad (didn’t eat much of the pasta, woofed down the salad).

Snacks:
Two (yes, 2!) Diet Pepsi’s (hello caffiene – my baby’s going to be as hyper as I am!)

I have NO idea what I”ll do for dinner tonight. I’m not really hungry. Maybe I’ll finish off my lunch leftovers. If so, I still need to figure out something for the kids. Their diet has really suffered with this pregnancy and my lack of motivation for cooking. I wish, I wish, I wish I had a personal chef!

So as you can see, there are certainly better food choices I could be making. I just need to get motivated to do it already. I'm so ready to have this baby and get on with my life! Unfortunately, I'm only 16 weeks along, which leaves 26 weeks to go! (On the other hand, I do get to find out the gender next Monday - Hurray!)

Ok. Gotta get a couple more things done before heading home from work. . .

Monday, and I actually feel good!

2007-07-02T09:30:00.000-04:00

Pregnancy update: I’ll be 16 weeks along on Wednesday, and I think I’ve finally gotten over the exhaustion wave of early pregnancy (thank heavens!). I’ll admit, I did take a nap yesterday, but it was a mistake that led to my inability to fall asleep until nearly midnight last night. Happily, I feel ok this morning. I don’t do well on not enough sleep, pregnant or not!

So now that I’m not incapacitated by exhaustion, I feel like I need to rededicate myself to a daily schedule, meal planning, and generally being more productive, both at work and at home. Lately I’ve become the queen of procrastination and it’s led to me feeling icky and ineffectual. The apartment is a slob-pit, and I feel like a bad parent because I’m not teaching my children the proper values (that living in a slob-pit is BAD, that a person should expect to stay busy for a good portion of the day, etc.) I’ve also been a slacker at work (at least on days where I’m not overwhelmed and HAVE to get things done). This also makes me feel like a loser. Being in a downer mood about my job isn’t a sufficient excuse to not get the things done that need doing.

So. Here’s the plan:

1. Begin an earlier wakeup again on work days (5 am). I had been getting up really early, but since the pregnancy kicked in, I’ve been gradually getting later and later, and frankly, the last few weeks have been really stressful in the mornings as I try to get myself and the kids together for work/daycare. In order to have a completely unstressful morning, I need to be IN the shower by 6am. And I really want to start doing some prenatal yoga. I feel I’ve lost a lot of my flexibility lately and I want to have this as a routine before I achieve beluga whale size near the end of the pregnancy.

2. Begin meal planning again. This should be easy because I’m planning to completely copy-cat (err. . . base my meals upon) Skinnybitch’s daily foods (at least for breakfast/lunch). This should allow me to achieve my daily nutrition and will allow me some flexibility at dinner. I can throw in some daily ice cream for extra calories (which I’m doing anyway to assuage my cravings).

3. Spend at least 30 minutes every night tidying up the apartment. This shouldn’t be too hard, and should teach the kids basic tidiness, as their bedroom is one of the biggest problem areas (trust me, it’s BAD!).

4. Go to the gym at least 3 times per week at lunch. At the gym, do at least 20 minutes on the treadmill (preferably 30) and lift baby-weights for 10 – 15 minutes. The weight training is largely going to depend on how my body feels. I’m already starting to feel the weird strains and pulls in parts of my bod that you never notice when you aren’t pregnant. I’m not trying to be Gabrielle Reece; I just want to build up my stamina again and maintain my strength as much as possible throughout the pregnancy.

I realize none of these things seem like a big deal, and you may be wondering why I couldn’t do them before. Trust me, these past three months I have been so tired it was all I could do to stay awake until I put the kids to bed at 8:30 every night. Every afternoon at work I would just sit and try to keep my eyes open. Seriously. I know I sound like I’m being overly dramatic, but I’m really not. It’s been a major bummer. And I was starting to get worried when it seemed to last longer than it did with my earlier pregnancies. The relief I’ve felt as I’ve had a bit more energy this past week has been unreal! I even contemplated going to the gym at lunch today, but then forgot my gym clothes (out of the habit of packing them!), so I guess that’ll have to wait until tomorrow. Still, progress!

I'm back . . .

2007-06-29T11:05:00.000-04:00

Hi all. Thanks for all the kind thoughts. Grandma finally passed away on Saturday, June 16, with most of the family around her, which was nice. I wasn’t there, unfortunately, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to go until the funeral. We had her funeral last Thursday, and it was a whirlwind trip up to Indiana and back. I didn’t take the kids, largely due to the expense, though I would have liked to. I flew up and couldn’t really afford to fly all of us, and I thought the drive (which would be a total of around 15 or 16 hours) would just be too much for all of us.

At any rate, after an exhausting week, I was happy to be back home. Then I went back to work and was SLAMMED with stuff – meetings, fee proposals, formal proposals for new project work, etc. The first few days of this week were really stressful and icky. Happily, the worst appears to be over and I’ve had a fairly relaxing last few days. Still, it’s nice that it’s Friday. I’ve already promised the kids that I’ll take them to the beach tomorrow. It’s been well over a month since we went, and I’ve been craving some beach time myself!

Still doing ok on the diet and weight gain front, though I’m sure my nutrition could be better. I haven’t been tracking due to all the stress & hullabaloo that have gone on over the past few weeks. Still, my weight was 149 lbs yesterday morning, which is a whopping 1.5 pounds more than my lowest weight at the beginning of the pregnancy, so it’s all still good.

I’ve begun looking for baby names. We find out the gender (provided junior isn’t shy) on July 16th, and this time, I’m determined to have a name picked out WELL before we go into the hospital to deliver. Cailyn was a debacle; I found the name Cailyn like two days before going in to be induced and Jerry didn’t agree on it until after she was born. Not that he had any suggestions! This time, I’m hoping we can have something agreed upon nice and early.

Well, nothing major is really going on here. Just trying to get through the day so I can get to the beach tomorrow. That should be fun. I always love the beach! It’s probably my favorite place to be. The only negative is the hassle it takes to get there: packing extra diapers, sunscreen, kids’ change of clothes, towels, beach toys, wagon, beach chairs, drinks, etc. I sometimes feel we’re going on a major expedition, when it’s really only a two hour beach visit! Still, once I’m out there, the stress just melts away – I can’t WAIT!

Bad news on the home front

2007-06-14T14:08:00.001-04:00

We've had some really bad news this week. My paternal grandma is seriously ailing and we don’t think she’s going to live more than a few days. She’s in a nursing home (in Indiana) and has severe dementia, so that she doesn’t know anyone anymore. Well, for over a week (closer to two now), I’m told she has been refusing both food and water (according to my Dad). I have to admit, I question the facts a bit, because its hard for me to imagine that a little old lady could survive for 12 days (yes, 12) with no food OR water, but if it is true, which is really devastating, then she surely will be passing on soon.

I just don’t know how to feel about it. She’s had dementia for so long that I feel as though she passed on mentally many years ago. The last time I was in Indiana, which was two years ago, I visited her, and I didn’t handle it well. I hadn’t seen her for a year or so, and it was shocking to see her in such a state. She didn’t recognize me, and I couldn’t stop crying, which seemed to just confuse her. From her point of view, I was a stranger in her room, crying. I showed her my son, and it was nice she got a chance to see him, but there was no recognition at all. I left after only a few minutes when it was clear to me I wasn’t going to be able to control myself. I felt like a failure as a grandchild. I suppose if I had lived in the area and seen her decline slowly it wouldn’t have been so shocking and I like to think I would have handled it better, but as it was, it was just upsetting.

And now this news. I just don't know how to react. It’s been a really strange week.

I actually have a lot to do at work today; I’ve just been procrastinating since lunch. I guess I need to get to it. I need to be sure everything is at a good point in case I get the phone call from my Dad that I’ve been dreading.

Bye for now, all. If I don’t post for a while, it’s probably because I’m taking care of family business.

June 12 Update

2007-06-12T08:49:00.000-04:00

I’m still struggling with my desire for ice cream. It has become my obsession. I’m still doing ok on the weight front, but I really think this ice cream thing has gotten out of hand! I had TWO bowls of cookies and cream ice cream with Nestles Quick powdered chocolate milk mix sprinkled on top on Sunday. TWO! I can’t believe I’ve only put on a pound! I guess its because I’m still eating pretty good otherwise, barring the occasional naughtiness (potato salad, fried shrimp, etc.). I generally try to limit myself to no more than one naughty thing per day, which is probably what’s helped me keep things under control. I think the women who pack on like 50 or more pounds during pregnancy are the ones who eat whatever they want all the time.

I'm simply going to have to get the eating under control and change the voice in my head that keeps saying, "You're pregnant, you can eat whatever you want!" Think I'll head to our office fridge and grab a cottage cheese snack. I'm hungry.

Things are still good on the pregnancy front. Had my 12-week ultrasound yesterday and it was awesome. The baby was waving its arms around and hiccuping and really looks like a miniature, fully formed baby! It’s still only 2.5 inches long, but looks like a baby – truly amazing! The other good thing (and the actual reason for the ultrasound) was that everything looks normal and there are no signs of Downs’ Syndrome. It’s truly scary that the risk for Downs’ is apparently 1:149 for a woman who is 37 years old at the time of delivery – isn’t that amazingly high? So they do an ultrasound at 12 weeks and 16 weeks to look for certain anomalies including increased fluid behind the baby’s neck and absence of a nasal bone between the eyes (that’s what gives Downs’ children their distinctive look). They also take some blood for a hormone check, if mom wants it, and I went ahead and had them do it. At any rate, everything looks ok right now, and the ultrasound didn’t reveal anything unusual.

Work is still sucky, but less so than last week. I’m just not in love with my job right now, so even though there’s no HUGE stress ball hanging over my head this week, I’m just not into it. I have a number of things that need to be completed and I’m so unmotivated to work on them its depressing. And procrastinating just leads to more stress (and self-loathing) because it just makes things worse. Vicious cycle.

More and more I’m itching for a change. It’s kind of fun trying to think about what I should do, where I should go. I’ve actually debated (very vaguely) relocating again. I think Florida won’t be a good place to live long-term due to global warming, hurricanes, and the overdevelopment that’s occurring at breakneck speed. For the past few years we’ve had lots of droughts and wildfires and it appears that global warming so far is causing less rain on the Florida peninsula. I don’t think I’d mind more rain, but less? I don’t know. None of the climate changes will happen over night, of course, but I’m thinking long-term. Where do I really want my roots? Where do I want my kids to consider “home”? I just don’t know. I like this area ok, but I can’t say I LOVE it, you know? Guess I just need to do more thinking and research and planning. I won’t be moving for a few years at any rate, so I have plenty of time to think about it without making any hasty decisions.

Back to 'ON

2007-06-06T11:41:00.000-04:00

I just ate a lovely large salad: mixed greens, some shredded carrot (not much), ¼ c (approx) of shredded cheese, sliced ham & turkey, grape tomatoes, chick peas, raw broccoli, 3 radishes, a bunch of mushrooms, some cranberries, fat-free sundried tomato vinaigrette dressing. Yummy! The meat, cheese and cranberries were part of a new lunch salad package you can get in the lunch meat section that’s basically a salad maker, but without the lettuce. It wasn’t bad, but if it hadn’t been on sale I would have considered it too expensive for the amount of food you get. Mixed with the extra veggies, though – not bad at all.

I’m determined to start tracking my nutrient intake again, but I’ll have to begin tomorrow, because this salad was put together two days ago and I didn’t even remotely measure things and I also didn’t have the packaging from the lunchmeat thingy, so no tracking today. Still, it feels good to eat non-gak! As I indicated yesterday, I haven’t really been eating poorly (compared to the general public), but I have made poor choices along with the good, and of course, with my energy being so low because of the pregnancy, I need all the food energy I can get - especially since I'm supposed to be minimizing the caffeine!

I had yet another ultrasound yesterday, which was cool, as usual. The baby is really growing like a weed, and I’m only at 12 weeks! It clearly looks like a baby now. My first major ultrasound is actually next Monday. The only reason I was at the doc yesterday was I had a little scare due to a little minor bleeding, but it turned out to be nothing. The doc thinks it was just due to the location of my placenta; it’s currently over my cervix a bit. She says it’s nothing to worry about, because generally as the uterus grows, the placenta kind of slides over. At any rate, I was just relieved there was nothing major going on in there, plus, it was nice to see the baby again! I’ve been spoiled because I’ve had so many ultrasounds so far; as things progress I’ll wish I could have more just to see what the little one is up to! Of course, I’m really psyched because one of my major ultrasounds (where I’ll be going to the specialist – due to my “advanced” age) will be at 16 weeks, and my doctor tells me that the machine at the specialists’ is good enough they will probably be able to tell the gender at that point, which is a full month earlier than one can usually find out! That will put it around the first or second week in July! Of course, I won’t know until I get there. The baby could be shy, with all my luck!

Ok. Gotta run home (lunch hour) to try and get some things done around the apartment. I’m so exhausted at night that things aren’t getting taken care of the way they need to be: our suitcases are still sitting in the living room, the bathroom is a pit, etc. I figure I’ll use the lunch hour to try to catch up over the next few days. Plus, it’s nice to get out of the office for a break.

BTW, I want to say that I'm really enjoying reading everyone's CR blogs, even if I haven't been terribly CR'ed myself. I fully intend to make a renewal effort and try to be more disciplined in both my eating and my posting (and my exercising) in the coming weeks. Hopefully as I enter the 2nd trimester of my pregnancy, I'll have more energy and general motivation to get 'er done (as Larry the Cableman would say - yes, I've lived in the south long enough that I can be considered a redneck :-)

Back at work on Tuesday. Bleck.

2007-06-05T17:30:00.000-04:00

Well, I’m back at it. Wishing I weren’t, but I gotta pay the bills. Unfortunately work is really sucking lately. I’m to the point where I HATE it! If I could only do it part time, it would be fab. That may be a goal for me. It won’t happen for at least a few years, because I need my paycheck too much right now, but in a couple of years, who knows? It sure would be nice to get a little relief from the stress, even if it were just another day or two off each week!

Pregnancy is still ok, though I abused the caffeine horribly during my trip last week. Happily, today I’ve been under the suggested limit, and I certainly won’t be taking in any more (it’s after 5 pm). I currently have a headache, which is becoming an annoyingly regular occurrence for me. I generally NEVER have headaches, so it’s particularly irritating. I have to assume it’s a combination of stress and the pregnancy. Hopefully the stress will decrease soon, but frankly, I see little signs of it.

My eating hasn’t been too bad, other than the ubiquitous junk food at my mom’s place. She made cookies. There were tortilla chips at the Mexican restaurant. A bowl of ice cream. Nothing hugely out of control, but at least one bad thing each day. Oh well. Onward and upward :-).

BTW to Jake – I totally agree with your comment about my kids’ photo and their stiff looks. The photographer (at the daycare) took about 10 minutes of photos to try and get one in which Cailyn wasn’t crying. She was pretty freaked at first. So by then, Connor’s smile was a bit forced and if you look closely you can still see tears in Cailyn’s eyes. Kids!

I’ve gotta hit the hills. It’s currently 5:30 pm and I need to leave work for my evening “home job”, which involves dinner, baths, and eventually the bliss of sleep. I can hardly wait!

Stuff on a busy Wednesday!

2007-05-30T14:36:00.000-04:00

Before I begin, I want to say thanks for everyone's kind thoughts and hellos and generally commenting now and again when I've been lax in posting. That means you, Judith and Illiah, and Jake, and Deborah, and Arturo, and of course, April - CR mother to us all :-).

I’ve had so much fun reading everyone’s 8 random facts! From classically trained pianists, to accordion players – who knew?!! I thought of another totally random fact after reading some of the other blogs: I almost NEVER wear nail polish on my hands (maybe clear once in a while), but ALWAYS wear it on my toes. And the toes have to be bright. Bright pink, red, copper. And trust me, it isn't because I have adorably cute feet! (To Lauren - I don't know if you read my blog, but 7 1/2 is NOT a huge shoe size, even if you're only 5'1" tall - trust me on that -(I say from my size 8 wides at 5' 3").

BTW, I also wanted to say how inspired I am by all the Yoga bloggers I’ve been reading lately – yes you, Arturo, and Lauren’s cool blog that I stumbled on from April’s place. And others. I’ve gotta start doing yoga again. Thanks for all the inspiration!

Lots of things to do today! I’m taking the kids to visit my family in Tennessee tomorrow through next Monday. I’m going to do my best to get up REALLY early – like 3:00 am – to leave for TN tomorrow morning. My thinking is the kids will do way better, the more they can sleep on the trip. Plus, it should make for less stops if they’re asleep most of the way. The husband isn’t coming, which I’m looking forward to, and I know he is too. He’s always complaining that he wishes he had a weekend to himself. Well, now he’ll have his chance.

The only downside to the trip is all the preparation that needs to happen today. I still have clothes to fold (only one load, thank goodness) and packing to do for myself and the kids. I have my new van in the shop to have cruise control installed (did I mention that I finally traded my pathetic little Kia Spectra in for a 2006 Dodge Caravan? As soon as I realized we were going to have 3 car seats, I knew it would have to be a van). I need to get the new portable DVD player hooked up in my van and switch the van seats around (its one of those that you can rotate which seats go where, and I need the long seat in the front so the kids have more room). I need to stop by a store to pick up snacks and drinks for the road (to minimize stops) and I’d also like to get some activities for the kids (new coloring books and crayons, I don’t know what else – just cheap stuff I can find that will hopefully help keep them occupied). One good thing is that I recently joined the Disney DVD club and our first shipment (6 movies for $1, plus discounts on 2 more!) arrived last weekend, so we’re flush with new cartoon movies that the kids haven’t seen yet (Cars, Toy Story, Alladin, The Rescuers, Winnie the Pooh, and a couple of others). Plus they’ve got a bunch of old ones that they haven’t seen in ages since our old car DVD player kicked out several months ago. Hopefully that will keep them occupied, and me sane, throughout the 9 to 10 hour trip. I’m really looking forward to getting out of town for a few days, away from work, and away from our apartment.

--------------------

OK. It’s now later in the afternoon. I started the post this morning, then got pulled away to do actual work (imagine!) in the form of staff meetings, phone calls, and miscellaneous BS, none of which I am remotely interested in because I want to get packed for my get-out-of-town funfest. Well, as much of a funfest as one can have while pregnant (so no alcohol consumption) and visiting ones family.

I’ve finished a number of my “need to do” items already. And I’m actually thinking about taking another “errand break” to go get the trip snacks and drinks so they’ll be at home and ready for when I get home later. When I pick the kids up from daycare, they’re generally completely starved and get grumpy if we have to make a stop on the way home. Or worse, they’re thrilled to go to the grocery store, but I spend the entire time taking things away from them - candy from the checkout counter, Dora books from the sale display, crackers, juice boxes, you name it – and that was just yesterday’s trip to the grocery store!

Food has been a mixed bag, as usual. Had a sandwich for breakfast which wasn’t too unhealthy, but lunch involved fast food from Wendy’s, which was bad (good, but bad!). I had a Frosty! I can honestly say that ice cream is the only real pregnancy weakness I have. When I’m not pregnant I have no real desire for ice cream, but pregnant, it is my wildest fantasy. Happily, I haven’t lost complete control to its sweet charms. I haven’t gained any weight, so I know things are still under control. My goal is to gain between 20 and 25 pounds with this pregnancy. I’m actually planning to develop a “weight gain schedule”, which will help me track when I should be gaining how much. That way, I won’t worry that I’m not gaining enough for the baby, but I won’t find myself the size of a hippo in December when junior comes out to play.

BTW, for those of you who are anxiously counting (yeah, right), I'm now 11 weeks pregnant, as of today. Almost out of the first trimester. And I'm sitting here at work with the top button on my pants unbuttoned because it was just too uncomfortable after lunch. Note to self: must go maternity clothes shopping this weekend!

Ok. Think I’ll do my grocery store errand and try to get back to work within an hour. I probably won’t be posting until next week – so have a good weekend everyone.

BTW: Jennifer Sewell, if you’re reading this, I read your blog the other day and the baby is ADORABLE! I haven’t had time to write yet, but I will, I promise! Can you believe I’m freaking pregnant again? Later . . .

Showing off the kids!

2007-05-28T14:30:00.000-04:00

(Deborah's wisdom inspired me to remove my kids' photos, too).

Here they are, in all their glory. Taken about a month ago. Connor just turned 3 on Friday and Cailyn is now 19 months old.

I WUV THEM SO MUCH!!!

Ok. Enough proud momness. Must get some work pulled together. Am at work on Memorial Day so I don't have to take PTO for my minivacation later this week (visiting the family in Tennessee), but I'm NOT into it. Haven't done a damn thing since I got here, so I guess I'm going to take some stuff home and try to do some things at 4 am tomorrow morning, which surprisingly, works for me more often than not (due to the freaky waking up without an alarm clock thing I mentioned in my 8 random facts earlier).

8 Random Facts

2007-05-28T13:27:00.000-04:00

1. I’m clearly one of the most fertile women on the planet. Not going into details, just saying that if I have unprotected sex, I get pregnant. Period. Good to know for future reference.

2. One of my major goals for when my kids get older is for my family to do at least one Earthwatch Institute vacation, where one pays to volunteer for a scientific expedition. Educational, and potentially cool as all get out.

3. I was planning to be a career Air Force officer, but had a repetitive shoulder injury that caused me to be medically disqualified right before going to camp after my sophmore year of college. Not only that, I found about this career change while more than a little bit buzzed at an Air Force ROTC Party due to the poor timing of one of my college ROTC instructors. Idiot. I cried all night long. Looking back, I’m glad it happened. I’m not politically suited to a career in the military.

4. I was selected as one of the top 40 students in Indiana my senior year in high school. Haven’t done much with my so-called intelligence, so I’m still reliving my glory days :-).

5. I’m an apartment dweller obsessed with gardening. Gardening books, gardening TV shows, botanical gardens, arboretums, you name it.

6. I’ll save my copycat facts for a single listing: like April, I have only a few pairs of shoes (dressy brown, dressy black, brown leather sandals, black leather sandals – oh, and running shoes) and I also despise “Prairie Home Companion”, while being obsessed with almost everything else on NPR (I’m listening to “Day to Day” right now). Spooky similarities! However, I do know what my natural hair color is due to the inch-wide trailer-trash roots I’m currently sporting due to my inability to have my hair colored during the 1st trimester of pregnancy! Let me put it this way: it isn’t blonde by a long shot!

7. I haven’t used an alarm clock for over a decade at least. I almost always start waking up around 4 am, then I just lay in bed dozing until its time to get up.

8. The very first career I wanted from the time I was very young was astronomer. Changed my mind in high school. I still haven’t decided what I’d really like to be when I grow up. I’m pretty sure it isn’t civil engineer :-) – I’m still searching for my path, I think.

No freaking clue who to tag. Guess I'll see who in our little CR circle hasn't been tagged yet:

Mary, Deborah, Joanna, Chris, hmm. Everyone else looks like they've been tagged already. and I'm don't frequent blogs outside our little circle; I'm lucky I don't get fired as it is for the amount of time I spend skimming everyone's pages :-).

I'll try to write a CR'ish post later. Suffice it to say that with the pregnancy, I haven't been good. I've had just enough morning sickness that I don't feel like cooking, preparing, or planning. I've therefore been eating whatever is handy when I get too hungry to put it off any longer. Not good.

Still, I haven't gained any weight, but I am starting to show a bit. I'm back to wearing my fat pants and I purchased my first maternity pants this weekend. They're still too big, but I've cinched them in with safety pins so I'll have something to wear - yesterday I had to wear a pair of my husbands shorts because none of mine fit!

Back in Florida and on-line . . .

2007-05-21T13:24:00.000-04:00

Ok. I’m back!

Went to Eau Claire, Wisconsin last Wednesday and flew back to Florida on Saturday. It was an ok trip. Went for work, so it wasn’t like a vacation, but I had a decent time. Still, I was more than ready to return home. I missed the kids like CRAZY!

I’ve been kind of freaked about this pregnancy ever since my bout of strep throat three weeks ago – added to the fact that I haven’t had any morning sickness to speak of. Well, I had another OB appointment today and everything seems ok. They did another ultrasound to reassure me and there was still a heartbeat. I’ll be having another, more detailed ultrasound in another three weeks (due to my “advanced maternal age” – or AMA). I’m really looking forward to that one. That and the blood work will help them know if there are any potential issues with the baby. I’m not exactly over-the-hill, but I will be 37 by the due date, which means we’re at greater risk for lots of things, from Downs Syndrome to Neural Tube Defects, etc. Scary stuff. I feel like I won’t relax until the baby is born! Its especially stressful since this wasn't a planned pregnancy and its going to have a serious financial and emotional impact on me. I'm sure the hormones surging through me aren't helping with the stress either!

Today has been a weird day at work. I have tons of things that need to be done, but I’m having problems focusing. First, I was out for the better part of a week, then I came in this morning and had to leave shortly after getting here for my doctor’s appointment. Now it’s 1:20 pm and I’m still feeling unfocused and unmotivated. And tired.

The tired thing is probably a direct link to me trying once again to get my caffeine intake back under control. I had WAY too much caffeine last week when I was on my trip. I was operating under a serious sleep shortage in combination with the pregnancy, and I drank much more coffee and caffeinated soft drinks than I should have. I am determined to get myself back together today. I had a Diet Pepsi at lunch (fountain-style, which has less than canned), but no coffee. The problem is that I’d give real money for a major nap right now!

OK. Guess I’ll post this and try to get some things done this afternoon. I’ll be too depressed if I come in tomorrow and still don’t have anything accomplished!

Another week, nothing new . . .

2007-05-15T14:16:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone. Another brief update to a nothing-really-new-going-on kind of week.

Still no real morning sickness, which kind of makes me nervous. I just don’t feel pregnant! I go back to the doc next week, so maybe she’ll reassure me. Things just seem so . . . normal. Last two pregnancies I at least felt a little bit yucky. With this one, I barely feel gross at all. If it weren’t for the ultrasound two weeks ago, I’d doubt I was pregnant at all.

Work has been insane lately. Lots of stressful things going on with a number of our projects. We had a senior project manager who was, in short, incompetent, who headed up a majority of our projects for our biggest client. He was finally fired (mutually agreed upon resignation, I’m told) three weeks ago. Well, those of us who have been working on projects that he instigated are still dealing with the fallout. Three of my major projects, which he was only involved with early on, are seriously in the crapper due to issues that arose from that time period. It’s not like you can pin any one thing that this individual did wrong on any of these projects, but he’s the common thread on all of the ones that have “issues”. The stressor is that the City (our client) is now holding our feet to the fire to get things fixed, and that’s going to require money and time. Just stressful. I hate being held accountable for things that occurred before I ever was involved with the project. Ick.

I definitely won’t be posting for the next few days because I’ll be flying to Eau Claire, Wisconsin for a work thing tomorrow and won't be back until Saturday afternoon. Eau Claire is where our corporate headquarters is located, and those of us big shots (ha, ha) are going there for the Spring Managers Conference. I’m stressed because it’s the longest I’ll have been away from my kids. Silly, I know, given that even Cailyn is 18 months old, but I just don’t like being away from them! I’m the MOM, for heavens’ sake! I know they’ll be with J. and will probably be fine, but it isn’t the same.

Ok. Gotta get back to work. Have things to finish and I really want to get out of here early today to (a) finish laundry, (b) get packed, (c) cook a good dinner (planning lean steak, baked red potatoes and corn on the cob w/ mushrooms & onions as a topper – YUM!).

Au revoir till later . . .

Is it Wednesday already?

2007-05-09T12:04:00.000-04:00

Sorry I haven’t updated in so long – it’s just been really busy in my life lately, and I’m still dealing with first trimester pregnancy fun. Yesterday was the worst exhaustion I have experienced so far this pregnancy. I was so tired I had to go out to my car and take a nap yesterday afternoon at work! I tried just laying my head down on my desk, but it wasn’t enough. I did fell better after the car nap, but I still ended up going to bed EXTREMELY early last night. I lay down right after finishing my frozen entrée dinner – got up to give the kids their bath – then lay back down again. I only had wakeups when the kids came into the bedroom at various times wanting to climb up on the bed. I slept until 4am, when Cailyn was awake with a poopy diaper, and she was WIDE awake and didn’t want to go back to sleep. After about 30 minutes I was able to bring her into our bed and she finally concked out and I fell back asleep until a little after 6 am – and after all that sleep, I still feel completely wrecked!

Otherwise things are fine. No morning sickness yet. And I don’t want my bitching to scare you childless ladies away from having kids – believe me, the first trimester is the worst. Once you’re past that, its smooth sailing! I mostly felt fabulous with my first two pregnancies. Only at the very end with Cailyn did I start feeling really tired of being pregnant. Hopefully this one will be more like my first – totally awesome up to the very end (and Connor was born a week late!).

I haven’t been all that great nutritionally lately. Not bad, really, but not good either. I’ve been really busy and tired and relying on frozen entrees and quick eats to get by. Again, I’m hoping once I get through the next 6 weeks or so and into the 2nd trimester I can get back to a more normal routine (instead of collapsing into bed at 7 pm every night!)
OK. Gotta go. Out-of-town meeting at work this afternoon that I’ve gotta run to. Later . . .

The good, the bad, and the ugly

2007-05-04T14:37:00.000-04:00

Very icky past few days.

It started out good. Tuesday afternoon I had my first OB appointment (that obstetrics for all you boys out there). It went fine, I love my doctor; she’s the same one who delivered my son, is very cool, only a few years older than me and is great. She did an ultrasound using the magic wand type ultrasound they use when the baby is teeny (kind of looks like a giant vibrator – no joke). This was fabulous because it confirmed that there’s only one baby in there (the Good)! Hurray! And, of course, the best news was that it also confirmed that everything is looking normal and ok at this point, which is also very important.

Left the doctors office, picked the kids up from daycare, headed home, and decided that morning sickness must be truly kicking in because I started feeling really lousy. By the time I got home, I was wrecked. I went straight to bed (at 5:30) and didn’t crawl out until the next morning at 6 am, when my son woke me up. I felt like complete ca-ca. I told Connor I was going to have to get showered, but when I dragged myself into my closet to pick out clothes, I couldn’t imagine going to work, I felt so horrible. My throat was killing me, but I thought it was just a sore throat from a cold. I was thinking: if this is what my morning sickness is going to be like, how the heck am I going to work for the next 12 weeks?! I didn’t think I felt feverish, but I had serious body aches. I went back to the sofa with Connor and cuddled with him for a few more minutes before I decided to check my temperature: 101.4. I almost felt relived that I was sick and it wasn’t just horrible morning sickness.

Then I remembered reading how fevers are very bad in the first trimester. So then I’m freaking out about my temp, so I took it approximately 10 times over the next 10 minutes with my ear thermometer. And I have to say that those things must be fairly unreliable because my temperature varied from 101.2 to 102.8 over the course of that 20 minutes. In any case: high (the Bad).

My doctor’s office didn’t open until 8:30 and I didn’t feel like this warranted an emergency call, so I just took some Tylenol, managed to get the kids to daycare, got back home and crawled into bed. By then I was convinced that I had strep throat again. At 8:30 I rang the doc, and her nurse suggested I go see a regular doc about the throat and to not worry about the fever as long as medicine brought it down to more reasonable levels. So I dragged myself back out of bed, went to the walk in clinic and they confirmed it was strep, gave me a prescription for a baby-safe antibiotic and I went BACK to bed again. I then spent the better part of Wednesday and Thursday in my bed, just sleeping and feeling miserable. By Thursday my temperature had leveled off at a lower level (around 100.3 at its highest), but my throat still was NASTY (white, grossness the likes of which I’d never seen in my throat before - the UGLY!).

So I’m back at work today, but my throat still hurts like a bee-otch. My bod feels ok, but I question whether the throat will be completely healed by the time I finish my antibiotics tomorrow. It makes me think my last round of strep made the little buggers somewhat antibiotic-resistant.

It’s now 2:30 pm and I’m EXHAUSTED! After sleeping the better part of 3 days you’d think I’d be well rested, but I think the combo of the illness, not eating for most of that time, oh, and being pregnant (lest I forget), have just knocked me on my ass today. I’m already fantasizing about collapsing into bed tonight.

Still, I’ve already promised Connor we’ll go to the beach again this weekend. The kids and I went last weekend and had a blast! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I LOVE THE BEACH! It just makes me feel good to be there. Like being at the library.

Unfortunately, I also need to work some this weekend to make up for lost time this week.

In so-so news, my weight was at 145 lbs this morning. This from eating hardly anything for the past three days. Good for my ass, probably not so good for my baby. I’m already freaked about the long fever and the multiple doses of extra strength Tylenol I took for two days in a row. I know they say Tylenol is perfectly safe and the doc told me not to worry about the fever as long as the meds brought it down, but gosh, how can I not? I guess I’ll just look forward to my next ultrasound when they can once again confirm that everything’s ok.

OK. Gotta get back to work now. Unless I decide to lay my head down on my desk and sleep!

The best fish tacos EVER!

2007-04-28T18:13:00.000-04:00

Earlier today I watched Ellie Krieger's show on Food Network (one of my addictions) - I think the show is called "Healthy Appetite with Ellie Krieger". She did a fish taco recipe with healthy "refried" beans. It looked so good I decided to make it myself. . . OMG, the tacos were bliss! And the beans were ok too. To summarize:

Tacos:
Tilapia, grilled on my brand-spanking new grill pan (LOVE IT!)
Low Carb tortillas
Onions
Tomatoes
Cilantro
Lettuce

Sauce:
1/2 c. fat free plain yogurt
2 Tbsp light mayo
2 tsp ancho chipotle pepper in adobo sauce

It was the sauce that did it for me. It was so good, I can hardly describe it. It honestly tasted like restaurant food!

Beans were just kidney or pinto beans stirred into sauteed onions & garlic, w/ 2/3 cup of low sodium chicken broth. V. tasty, as well.

Ok. That's all for now. I'm going to try and kick back and relax for a few minutes - I ate WAY too much (three tacos and 1 serving of beans). Happily, all healthy, but I still feel like a baluga whale!

Early Saturday Morning

2007-04-28T05:27:00.000-04:00

5:00 am
Weight after peeing: 149 lbs.

All is well. I've been eating very well lately. I'm pleased that I've dropped a few pounds from my high of 152 before I go to the doctor Tuesday. I'm going to continue to not really CR but hopefully still drop a few more pounds before I get to the point in the pregnancy when the baby needs the weight. If my last two are good go-bys, that's generally in the 2nd trimester. According to Babycenter.com, my baby is only the size of a lentil bean this week, so the weight gain is a ways off.

I've started feeling the teeny-tiniest bit nauseous, but nothing significant. In fact, its been so insignificant that I'm not entirely sure I'm actually experieincing it. It could just be stress!

As I indicated above, my nutrition has been good and the calorie intake has also been ok this week, except for one day when I was EXTREMELY late picking my kids up from daycare. I walked in like 2 minutes before the 6:30 pm deadline. We ended up doing McDonalds on the way home, and I bought a Big N Tasty Value Meal, which I later discovered has about 850 calories (total). I was ok calorie-wise for the day - a little over 1700, as I recall, but the fat! Saturated and trans fat! Ick! Still, as long as its an isolated incident, I'm not going to dwell on it.

Well, I may try to lay back down before the fun-fest begins when the kids get up for the day - and if I'm up, they're more likely to get up early, too. Just wanted to touch base.

Tuesday - asleep at the wheel

2007-04-24T10:18:00.001-04:00

I started to make a post yesterday, then felt I didn’t really have much to say. Everything is pretty much same-old same-old here. Food yesterday was pretty good, though I didn’t do a crunch.

Breakfast:
Kashi Go-Lean Cereal
1 Tbsp brewers yeast
1 c. skim milk
70 g blueberries (about ½ cup)
2 packets Splenda

Snacks:
25 almonds
2 brazil nuts
Fat free cottage cheese (4 or 6 oz, I’m not sure)
Handful of goldfish crackers

Lunch:
South Beach Diet Supreme Pizza

Dinner:
Chicken Alfredo (not a whole lot, though, and it was the box variety so I don’t think it was too bad health-wise – it wasn’t restaurant fare)

I think that was it. I can’t remember anything else, anyway. The nutrition was lacking, as you can see from the lack of veggies. Need to do better on that today. I’m planning to actually cook this evening. I couldn’t last night because a meeting at work went long and I didn’t get home with the kids until almost 6:45. That’s why I made the quicky box of chicken alfredo. Fast and easy and the kids will almost always eat pasta!

I was in bed by 8:30, the second I put the kids down to sleep. I can’t wait until the first trimester of this pregnancy is over so I don’t feel like sleeping constantly! Even now, at 10:00 am, I’m just SLEEPY – and I didn’t even get out of bed until almost 6:15 this morning! Of course, the reduced caffeine in my diet may be a slight factor. I was never a caffeine addict, but I typically had one cup of coffee in the morning and perhaps a soft drink and some green tea during the day. Now I’m still allowing myself the green tea, since its caffeine levels are so much lower than coffee and the occasional caffeinated soft drink, but it’s certainly less than I had before!

Weight this morning: 150.5 lbs. So I’ve dropped about a pound and a half. The morning sickness hasn’t kicked in yet, at least. Though I almost want it to. That’s one way of not gaining weight too quickly – that month or so where you just don’t feel like eating much is an excellent way of managing the pregnancy weight gain!

On fitness and pregnancy

2007-04-20T08:47:00.000-04:00

I’ve updated my links on this blog to try and accommodate all the new names and faces I’ve seen commenting of late. If I’ve forgotten anyone who wants to be added, by all means, give me a shout and ask to be listed. I’ve been so overwhelmed with everything lately that the blog has suffered a bit, but I don’t want anyone to think I’m deliberately excluding them.

I’m so happy it’s Friday, words can barely express it. I’m so pooped. The good news, which I haven’t posted about yet, is that I’ve been working out regularly. I went Monday, Thursday, and I’m planning to today, though I also have some errands that could stand to be run. Guess I’ll save those for tomorrow. My goal is to go to the gym at least 3 times per week, preferably more. I’m not overdoing it, though. I’m mainly lifting light weights and doing the treadmill, for light jogs and walks. If this pregnancy is like my others, things will be going along fine and then a day will arrive and I’ll hit a wall in which my bod simply says: "Hey dummy, you're pregnant! You can’t walk that far any more." I remember with my first, I felt FABULOUS, so I was all cocky and taking long walks same as before the pregnancy, and then one day I left for a two mile walk, which is not exactly a marathon, but then I reached about the one mile point on an out-and-back course, and I thought I was going to DIE! The thought of walking the remaining mile back just about killed me. I made it, but it sucked! Needless to say, the gym definitely has advantages in that respect. I get tired, I just get off the treadmill :-).

I’ve also been doing some very light yoga in the mornings. Really only about 5 to 10 minutes worth. Just trying to stretch out again. Its amazing how fast one loses one’s flexibility when one doesn’t keep up with the practice! I swear my hamstrings are as tight as a bow! The only negative I had with my last pregnancy was I had some back pain and was fairly uncomfortable by the end of it. I’m hoping if I can keep my fitness and flexibility up with this one, that won’t happen again, 37 years old or not!

Food was ok yesterday. In an attempt to maximize my fiber intake, I’ve been eating Kashi Go Lean cereal for breakfast with 1 Tbsp Lewis Labs Brewers Yeast and 70 g frozen blueberries with 1 cup skim milk and 2 packets of Splenda. It’s a very filling breakfast and the blueberries and splenda completely mask the nasty taste of the brewer’s yeast and Kashi, which I confess, is not the yummiest cereal I’ve ever eaten. But with the fruit and splenda, it’s downright tasty! For lunch I had a Wendy’s BLT Salad with Low Fat Honey Mustard Dressing. 1 Brazil Nut and 29 or 30 almonds for snacks. Dinner was baked chicken with stuffing (the box kind where you add the chicken so too much sodium) with steamed fresh broccoli, asparagus, and baby carrots. V. delish. I also had 4 crackers w/ cheese-ball spread that my parents bought and left in my fridge to tempt me during the dinner cooking process. Still, I don’t think it was too bad health wise. As I indicated previously, I’m not CR’ing, but I still don’t want to go overboard. I was good on the weight gain with my first two, and I definitely want to hold to the course with this one!

Feeling fine . . .

2007-04-19T20:17:00.000-04:00

So I'm still feeling fabulous, though I have to admit that my boobs are HUGE and downright uncomfortable. I definitely don't remember them getting quite so Pamela Anderson-esque only a few days after missing my period with my first two. I find it omenous. Why? My fear of . . . TWINS!

I realize it's probably just me being paranoid, but I feel really bloaty and large already. Oh, and did I mention that my dad is a fraternal twin? If this were my first child, I would feel thrilled to have twins, but now? Jeez, the thought makes my blood turn to ice. Not only the stress and work of it all, but frankly, I don't think we'd be able to afford daycare. Honestly. I'd probably have to find some way of working from home or something. Even with one new one, I estimate I'll be paying around $500 per WEEK in daycare. I don't even want to think about the possibility of two. That'll be the first thing I ask my doctor: when is the absolute earliest they would be able to tell if its one or two. I won't sleep easy until then!

Nutrition is going OK, I think, though I haven't been tracking. By now, I know the stuff I need to be eating: Brewer's Yeast? Check! Almonds? Check! Brazil nut? Check. I'm probably a little low on some things, but I am using a multivitamin for now, because of the baby.

Ok. Gotta get to bed. It's now almost 8:30 pm, and frankly, I'm pooped! That's the other fun symptom of early pregnancy - the urge to sleep like 13 hours per day!

Bye for now . . .

Baby Number 3!

2007-04-17T14:52:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone, if anyone out there still checks my blog. It’s been a crazy month, and continues to be. I have some momentous news: I’m pregnant! Yes, the reconciliation between my husband and me led to a make-up baby. It was a shock but I knew there was a good chance given the timing, so it wasn’t as big a shock as it could have been. So now I guess this blog is going to morph into a nutrition and pregnancy blog, if any of you can stomach it, since I clearly won’t be doing CR for the next 9 months! On the other hand, what better impetus to give up the gak than being pregnant. Needless to say, the wine went bye-bye before anything else.

Due date: December 21, 2007

It's still very early days yet, so I may be premature in announcing things, but this blog is so personal that I can't imaging biting my tongue for the next 12 weeks! It's just not in me. I’m quickly getting past the freak out stage and am entering the excited stage! I’m scheduled to go to the doctor for the first time two weeks from today. I haven’t started feeling any major pregnancy side-effects, other than my breasts suddenly got bigger overnight on Sunday night (sorry guys, if that’s too much info!). Yes, the girls are back in town – that’s one of the best benefits from being pregnant.

Frankly, I can’t complain much about either of my first two pregnancies. I think I’m one of those women who were made to be pregnant; with both of my first two pregnancies I barely had any morning sickness at all. I NEVER threw up; I just felt a little icky for a month or so. I gained exactly 27 pounds with both pregnancies – which is exactly what someone my size is supposed to gain (25 to 30 lbs). I was induced with both, and both labors were completely uneventful and I felt pretty good afterward, other than soreness in the usual places. All in all, very easy pregnancies. Of course, I’m now 36 years old and will be 37 when this baby is born, so it may not be quite so smooth sailing; not to mention that I also have a 1 and 2 year old to deal with during the fun-fest. Still, I’m determined to be more consistent with my exercise with this one and my nutrition is already pretty good, so there’s no major worries there - though I confess, I did eat tortilla chips and salsa for lunch today, which is completely ridiculous. I have only the excuse that I was in the grocery store and starving right before lunch. I feel gross now, though :-).

I haven’t told my family yet (no, they don’t read this blog), mainly because I think they’ll freak. There are still tensions between my parents and Jerry and while they’ll welcome another grandbaby, I’m sure they’ll question my timing (not that it was family planning at its best, by any means!). Jerry is waiting to tell everyone he knows because he’s embarrassed to say he'll actually be the father of 6 kids :-)! He would have been content to stop after our first. He loves both our kids, and already seems slightly less freaked about this one, but he definitely wasn't first in line to sign for more. God and nature will have their way, though, won't they?

Hopefully my clean eating (tortilla chips notwithstanding) will allow me to drop a couple of pounds before I go to my first doctor’s appointment. No, I’m not dieting, just trying to eliminate the gak, but if my previous experiences are anything to go by, I’ll probably drop between 5 and 10 pounds this first month, just from eating better and eliminating the alcohol from my diet. We’ll see.

Today’s weight: 152 lbs - I think some bloating is already happening (see boob comment, above)

Will keep everyone posted as to how it goes, but will try to not be too boring :-).

Bye for now!

Life changes . . .

2007-04-04T16:08:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. I’ve truly been swamped (and overwhelmed) at work, and home has been a combination of stressful and eventful.

Ironically, after I’d made the decision to go ahead and move out ASAP, things really improved between J. and me. I began looking at condos and apartments, and for the most part, J. came with me when I’d go to look at them. I ended up finding an apartment fairly close to work and to J’s and to the kids’ daycare, so it was all good. But then it was our anniversary. Three years of marriage. I won’t get into the details of my personal life, but some things happened that led to us actually talking about the issues in our marriage. Long story short: we’ve decided to try reconciliation. We still have issues, but somehow things feel like they did back in the beginning. It was weird; I went from almost disliking him to feeling much like I did when we got married. I think one of our major problems is communication. We’re both non-confrontational so we let things that annoy us just build up inside and we vent to our friends, but not to each other. Since we’ve been talking it’s been so much better. I actually enjoy him again. It’s really strange to me that my emotional outlook could do a 180 so dramatically. Hand of God/Goddess/Fate/the Universe? I don’t know, but I have to wonder. So I’ve called off the move out and we’re making a new start. That’s the good news.

The bad news is that I’ve been ridiculously non-cronned over the past few weeks! I haven’t worked out, I’ve been eating gak. Not good. I blame stress, but really, it was me buying the wine and cheese (and pizza, and Doritos, and Taco Bell . . . ). Happily, I haven’t really gained any weight – or not much at any rate. Maybe a pound or two. So all is not lost. I’m just going to have to rededicate myself (again). Rethink my routine (again). And mainly, kiss the wine goodbye (again).

Right now I am at work and really need to get back to it. I just wanted to post to let everyone know I’m still alive and kicking and interesting things are happening in my life. My goal is to jump start the new me campaign for this weekend.

Busy, busy, busy

2007-03-20T14:06:00.000-04:00

Busy week. Stressful busy workplace. Sick kids. Moving up the date of my move-out, which means money stress. Haven't been eating particularly well or exercising consistently. On the other hand, I haven't gained any weight, so there's that as a plus.

Just trying to survive the next month or so. I think I'm going to be moving into a new place in mid-April. I'm looking at a condo in an excellent location tomorrow. I'm looking forward to checking it out.

Ok. Gotta get back to work. I have a meeting in 30 minutes I need to prepare for and Cailyn has yet another follow-up appointment with her ENT (Ear, Nose, and Throat Doc) on her ear tubes at 4:15.

Oh, and it's my anniversary. Ironic.

Bye till later.

Ms. Liz and my Bring It! Plan

2007-03-13T08:58:00.000-04:00

Ms. Liz is now 53, I believe. And you should see the picture she took a while back that shows off her . . . glutes. I was gonna post it, but I was afraid she'd think I had a crush on her if I revealed I had too many photos of her :-). I went through a period when I was first starting CR that Liz was my hero - no joke. She seemed so balanced - was in CR - ate around 1400 - 1500 calories per day, but also enjoyed working out. I know some of the hardcore cronnies are negative on too much exercise, but I think weight training is a win-win, especially since so many cronnies have bone-health issues. At any rate, during my obsession with/interest in Liz’s routine, I saved all of her blog entries and several of her photos because I found them to be so motivating. I thought about hanging one on my fridge as a reminder of the goal when I’m feeling challenged – actually, a more appropriate place for me would be in my car, to remind me as I’m driving to the store for a bottle of wine :-).

After reading my post from yesterday, which was written in a bit of a hurry, I realized I hadn’t actually posted my Bring It Plan. Not that it’s really any different than what I’ve been trying to do for the past two months, but now that there’s a time frame and a serious goal, I’m thinking the motivation will hold out longer. Ironically, 12-weeks is almost exactly the time frame for my move-out from the husband. It would make me feel so good if I could start my new life with a new bod and a new routine that’s already ingrained in my psyche.

Amy’s Bring It! Plan:

1. Cardio 5 days per week
2. Weights at least three days per week
3. Yoga at least three days per week
4. Maintain CR at least 6 days per week – only 1 cheat day(!) and that day shouldn’t be a go-overboard cheat day

Right now my CR goals are still to maintain between 1200 and 1500 calories per day. Obviously days I’m doing cardio may require more. I actually think that at this level the weight will drop off rather quickly, which may lead to me upping my calories, much like a lot of you have done. Otherwise, I think I’m going to shoot to have my macronutrient ratios in this range: carbs 40 – 50 %, protein 30%, fats 20 – 30%. Recently I’ve been higher in fat and protein and lower in carbs. I’m not scared of fat, but I would like to do better about minimizing it to some extent. Basically I don’t want it to be higher than 30% of my calories, even if they are good fats.

In the interest of complete disclosure, I will also post my physical stats, though I may have to close my eyes as I type this:

Weight: 148.0 lbs
Body Fat: 35% (by Tanita – see disclaimer, below)
Calf (L): 14”
Thigh (L): 23.5”
Hips: 41.5”
Waist: 33”
Under Breasts: 34”
Upper Arm (L): 11”

The body fat measurement is bogus. When I first joined my gym, my body fat on my Tanita was in the same range 34-36% consistently; when they measured me on their high-tech, uber-cool, video-game-looking body fat thingamajiggy at the gym, it measured at 29% and the personal trainer told me she had visually estimated I was at 28%. So I’m recording the Tanita value as a method of tracking, but I’m comfortable that I’m not, in fact, that fat :-).

Ok. I have to drive to the County south of here to walk a neighborhood that I’m doing a drainage study in (fun!), so I’ve gotta go.

Bring it!

2007-03-10T07:53:00.000-05:00

I’m really psyched to challenge myself along with Jake on his Bring It challenge. I know fitness isn’t something that a lot of cronnies really focus on, other than for maintaining health, but I’ve always aspired to be a real hardbody. I really respect those women who have physiques like fitness models. Not “body builders”, but chicks with muscles who still look gorgeous. In fact, the person whose bod I’d most like to emulate is our old friend Liz, who used to have a CR blog many moons ago, but is now posting as Lymphopo in the As the Tumor Turns blog I have posted in my list of blogs. She’s in her early 50s, and while she’s now in the process of getting back into shape after a bout with chemo and cancer (whose ass she kicked, by the way!), back before her run-in with cancer, she ROCKED! Thin, but with muscles. In fact, even after cancer she looks like she could kick my ass all over town.

Liz: Pre-cancer - look at those arms!

Liz: Post cancer - still looks killer!

Went to the gym during lunch. Only did cardio, though – no weights today. I had to run home before the gym so my time was limited, plus, running late meant that my gym time pushed into the noon hour, when the gym gets busier. I didn’t feel like competing for space after doing my run, so I’ll content myself to do weights tomorrow, and I’m going to try to get their earlier, too.

Work is really insane, so I’ve gotta post this and get back to it.

She got me 'riled up

2007-03-07T18:16:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know I shouldn't bother justifying myself to someone who's just spouting negativity while knowing nothing about my situation, but I'm going to anyway.

1. As most of you know, the only way I have time for yoga in a normal day is to get out of bed between 4:30 am and 5 am. I have to be in the shower by 5:30 to get ready in time to get my kids up - including my toddler - at 6:30 am. We then leave for daycare and work between 7:15 and 7:30 am, and yes, I generally find some cuddle time for both my kids during that period. Is it enough? Of course not. They'd like more and so would I, but since I'm the primary breadwinner in my family, that's how its always been and how it has to be. There's no way that we could survive financially if I didn't work full time. It's that simple. And believe it or not, my kids aren't really interested in getting up at 5 am - go figure!

2. I don't see how me talking about doing yoga makes me selfish. Is it selfish to want to be a healthy person? I guess if I truly were taking away time from my kids, maybe. But as it is, I need to get up early to do yoga, and in order to go to the gym for cardio or weights, I go during my lunch hour. Both of these are the reasons that I only work out sporadically, at best. Do I wish I could work out more? You bet I do! I'd have more energy for when I am with my kids, I think.

3. Finally, I'm going to resort to one of April's discussions. This blog is about longevity. It's about health. Therefore, I mostly talk about health related issues. My kids are a vital part of my life, which is why they get mentioned so often, but I usually feel sheepish for talking about them so often in what is supposed to be a CR Blog.

At any rate, my rant is over. Probably Miss Negativity won't even check back to see if I respond, but at least I'll feel better for having done it. Kind of sucks to have someone rain on my parade, though, when I was actually feeling pretty good today.

For those who do give a damn, Connor is completely back to normal this evening. He ate well at dinner and seems perfectly cheerful. Cailyn's doing fine, too, thank you very much. Now, excuse me, because I need to clean up after dinner and get the kids their baths before we all collapse from exhaustion.

Wednesday . . .

2007-03-07T12:16:00.000-05:00

I’m feeling quite good again today, even though I didn’t do yoga this morning. I am surprisingly sore from my weight/yoga combination from yesterday. Which is, of course, a good thing. I was still going to go to the gym at lunch, but, as usual, something came up. It’s my bosses birthday and we’re doing a “thing”. Not sure what this will entail, but it means I’m not going to the gym. Probably not a bad idea anyway, as I’m not nearly finished with one of the things I really need to finish today. Gym at lunch = long lunch.

This morning I changed it back over to the whey protein smoothie, with 1 tbsp of the brewers yeast added along with strawberries and blueberries (no time for cereal - had to eat and run). This time I added extra splenda, and it is AMAZING how well the splenda helps mask the taste of the brewer’s yeast. I wouldn’t have even known it was in there if I hadn’t been the one to put it in :-). So now I have TWO quotidian breakfasts!

Lunch was the sardine/kale/spinach treat I devised yesterday. And its just as yummy today! I really do like the flavor of sardines. They’re similar to tuna or salmon, but much milder tasting, to me. You don’t smell like cat food for the rest of the day!

Changing the subject: I’m seriously in the mood to cut my grocery budget. I was reading online (MSN, I think) about these women who pay only around $250 / MONTH for groceries for a family of four. That’s about what we pay each WEEK, counting dinners out (probably more, to be honest). It makes me think I need to be way more aggressive in meal planning, coupon cutting, etc. These women said that advanced planning was how they saved so much money and it actually saved them a lot of time, as well, meaning they were less stressed, etc. Sounds good to me – where do I sign up? I don’t think there’s any WAY I could get that low – I pay around $120 per month (at least) in diapers and wipes alone. Still, cutting costs will definitely help me apply my money to other things (credit card debt, anyone?) I already cut coupons, but I confess, half the time I forget to grab my handy-dandy coupon thingy. And I tend to go to the grocery store almost every day, which is not good for the budget, because every time I go, even if its for a single item, I always seem to buy more than I intended, even if all of it is “useful” or things I know we’ll consume. It still invariably busts the budget every time. So something I need to work on. I love planning for stuff.

The other thing I’m planning for is to be much more aggressive in my exercise and diet routine starting next Monday. I’ve decided to take up Jake Silver (see his link in my links section), on his “Bring It” Challenge. He’s going to spend 12-weeks buffing up and has issued his challenge to anyone else who’s interested to take part, in however large a commitment they feel up to. Well, I have yet to determine my level of commitment, but I have a few more days to formulate a plan (Yes! Yet another plan!).

Ok. Its lunchtime, but I actually have some errands to run before the party, so I’ve gotta go. Later.

OH. BTW, I ended up yesterday as follows:

1515 calories
117 g Protein, 29%
149 g Carbs, 38%
40 g Fat, 23%
7.3 g Sat Fat
32 g Fiber
WAY over 100% on all my vitamins, and only short on the following: Iron (83%), Potassium (86%), and Sodium (80%).

Yay me.

New food faves!

2007-03-06T13:00:00.000-05:00

I have a new favorite breakfast and lunch. Well, I wouldn’t call the breakfast a “favorite”, but it was palatable and included lots of nutrients.

Breakfast a’ la Skinnybitch:
¾ cup (39 g) Kashi Lean Cereal, 111 cal
2 tbsp (30 g) Brewers Yeast, 116 cal
1 cup organic skim milk, 90 cal
70 g frozen blueberries, 36 cal
Breakfast Total: 342.5

Mid-morning snack:
15 almonds, 104 cal
½ cup coffee w/ coffeemate creamer,

Lunch:
40 g kale, raw, 20 cal
40 g spinach, raw, 9 cal
40 g baby carrots, 14 cal
40 g grape tomatoes, 7 cal
40 g red bell pepper, 10 cal
15 g mung bean sprouts, 5 cal
15 g lentil sprouts, 16 cal
1 oz Fat Free Feta Cheese, 35 cal
1 can sardines (canned in springwater, but drained), 140 cal
Juice of 1 small lemon, 12 cal
Lunch Total: 268 calories

Subtotal so far today: 740 calories, and I’m already at 92% on my vitamins and 84% on my minerals. Tonight will be baked tilapia (100 g), and 100 g Brussels sprouts w/ a snack of a Dannon Lite and fit yogurt and 15 more almonds.

So, props to Skinnybitch for hiding the brewers yeast in the breakfast cereal. I added some Splenda and that was sufficient (along with the blueberries) to mask the taste. And the lunch salad actually also copies Robin’s fairly closely as well, but with the addition of sardines. And man, was it good! Totally tasty. I really think I could eat this every day. Oh, I should add that I didn’t eat the salad raw, though. I actually threw it in the microwave for 1:30, then added the sardines, feta and lemon juice. It was just enough of a steam that both the kale and spinach were nice and tender, but the peppers and carrots were still really crunchy. Yummy!

I also did 15 minutes (or so) of yoga this morning, and went to the gym at lunch for some treadmill and a little bit of weights. All in all, I’m pretty darned proud of myself, and I feel fabulous!

My son is still fighting the stomach virus and has been in a really grumpy mood for the past few days. I don’t know what’s up, if he just needs more time to return to his charming self, or what. Yesterday, the daycare said he didn’t drink much at all, to the point where they were a little worried, then near the end of the day he finally drank some water. He also didn’t eat well and his paper said he was “teary”, instead of the usual “happy” or “chatty”. He was also a major pain this morning, was really clingy and threw multiple temper tantrums when I wouldn’t cuddle him more than 5 minutes, when I held Cailyn to give her some milk and put on her shoes, etc. etc. ad nauseaum. Not one of our better mornings. I’m sure he’s still not feeling 100%, but there’s little I can do for him when he doesn’t have any specific symptoms, other than the diarrhea.

Ok. Got a meeting and I need to finish the last 2 bites of my salad. Bye for now!

Monday Update

2007-03-05T08:32:00.000-05:00

At last I'm back to work and can relax :-).

Well, the shot of finergan seemed to do the trick. Connor slept from 2:30 pm on Saturday to 4:30 am Sunday morning, and didn't vomit again. The illness did move south, however, so we're still dealing with that. Happily, he's feeling like his normal self again; cheerful, loving on Cailyn, beating up on Cailyn, ornery, whiny, etc. What can I say, he's 2! At any rate, he was well enough to go back to daycare and I can be at work playing catch-up from all the things that I didn't get done last week.

We took Cailyn in to the doctor on Saturday, too, to have her look at a sore spot on her ankle that wasn't healing well. Ironically, Cailyn is now the one on antibiotics and will be for the next 10 days. The bummer part about this is the medicine they prescribed is Keflex and apparently it tastes completely nasty, because Cailyn does NOT like to take it, and she has to have it 3 times a day. Fun.

My food intake was completely gaky for the past four days, so I'm actually looking forward to being back on a routine and getting this cleaned up healthwise this week. I think I'm going to follow the Robin route and mix my brewers yeast in with a breakfast cereal. I bought some Kashi Lean and we'll see how that goes. Ironically, I won't be doing the brewers yeast this morning because we were running late and I didn't have time to pull it together. Four days away from daycare creates chaos in our morning routine. Everything just took longer!

Ok. Gotta get some work done. Thanks for all the kind thoughts everyone. It's been a stressful few days, but I think we're all getting back to normal now!

SIck Child Update

2007-03-03T16:35:00.000-05:00

Well, we ended up taking Connor to the doctor, where they gave him a shot of finergan (sp?) for the vomiting. Everything seemed ok and the doc didn't seem too concerned until she double-checked his weight. We had just taken him in for a well-baby visit one week ago. In that time, he's lost over 1 pound. At that, the doctor almost admitted him to the hospital. After watching him for a bit, though, she decided to give him until tomorrow morning. If he's still unable to keep anything down and still has diarreah, he's going into the hospital. Good times.

I guess the part that freaked me out the most was his lethargy today. Yesterday he seemed so normal, that even though he still threw up a couple times, in very small quantities, I figured he was over the worst of it. So to get up this morning and see him feeling just awful, well, that stinks.

The good news was that he wasn't dehydrated. That was a relief. So I guess I'll just keep an eye on him this evening. Will keep you posted . . .

Sick child

2007-03-03T09:38:00.000-05:00

So for the last two and a half days, I've been at home with my son, who has a stomach virus. I guess it started in the middle of the night Wednesday night. He woke up and threw up a very small amount. I thought he just ate too many of the baby corn that I had given him for a snack that evening. The next morning, his chocolate milk came back up right as we arrived at daycare. They said they would let him stay and just call me if he got sick again. About 30 minutes later I got a call and they said he had already been sick three times. So Thursday was pretty rough. Yesterday he seemed much better, was his normal energetic and ornery self, so I figured everything would be completely normal this weekend - I even told him we might go to the zoo today. Flash forward to this morning and he's been sick twice already, and its only 9:45 am. Not only that, he's listless and just lying on the sofa watching Sesame Street. My husband has been making hints like he thinks we should take him to the doctor, but honestly, I don't know what they could do. He isn't running a fever. He's able to drink some things - I'm not really worried about him being dehydrated, though that is my biggest concern, I suppose.

Advice from any of you expert moms (or dads) out there?

A good start on Wednesday!

2007-02-28T05:27:00.000-05:00

So it's 5:30 am and I've been awake since about 1:30 am. My son woke up and came trotting into the bedroom, so I let him up into the bed. I couldn't fall back asleep, however. I put him back into his bed about 30 minutes later (I've made a concerted effort to make sure both kids are comfortable in their own beds and don't get dependent on sleeping with Mommy), but I still couldn't go back to sleep. Got up for a while, read some blogs, posted to a few, then tried to go back to sleep. It wasn't happening. Finally around 4 am I just got up, drank some caffeine then went to the exercise room here at our apartment complex around 4:30. Got a decent little workout in, too! Ran a little, walked more, but had the treadmill set at a decent incline (hello, glutes!). Did some squats, some tricep kickbacks, some pushups, and the dreaded crunches and situps. So whatever else happens today (like me falling asleep during my 1:30 meeting), at least I got a workout under my belt.

I've been thinking about taking a cue from Deborah and begin taking my brewers yeast like a supplement. I just don't love the flavor - and, yes, I have Lewis Labs brand. I don't hate it, but neither do I love it on my food. So I'm thinking of mixing 2 tablespoons in 4 oz of skim milk and having that as a pre-breakfast breakfast (and using another 4 oz of milk as a chaser). With the milk it would be 25 grams of protein, 6 grams of fiber, and all those excellent vitamins! I'm actually excited about the idea. I'll see how it goes. I really do enjoy my whey protein smoothies, but I forgot to buy any frozen blueberries this week, and variety is good for the soul. Plus, I really WANT to eat the brewers yeast, and so far the only way I've been able to stand it is mixed with my rice at dinner, but even that I don't love and I don't always have rice, so my options are limited. I tried adding it to my smoothie, but then my smoothie was way less yummy (and was more than a little gritty, too), so not a good answer. I don't know how April does it by making it into a soup (ick!).

I didn't do the crunch, but I'm nearly positive I was really good yesterday. I'm in a wierd situation with COM. I need to load it on my laptop, but our internet is attached to my husband's desktop computer, so it'll be an effort to unhook that and hook mine up. Not a hideous effort, but enough of one that I keep procrastinating. AT any rate, it means I don't have COM at home, so I've been just doing my crunch before I leave work and just trying to either plan my evening before leaving work or adding it up mentally during the evening. At any rate, yesterday looked like this:

Breakfast:
4 oz low fat cottage cheese (90 cal)
25 almonds (not sure but in the mid 100's as I recall)
coffee (16 oz)
coffeemate french vanilla creamer (30 cal)

Lunch:
Wendy's Chicken BLT Salad (340 cal)
Low Fat Dressing (110 cal)
Croutons (60 cal)

Dinner:
1/2 c rice (140 cal)
1/2 c beans (110 cal) - this is probably an overestimation in quantity
125 g tilapia (estimate)
8 skinny asparagus spears
lots o' kale - didn't measure it, but steamed it and had maybe a cup, cooked
1 tbsp brewers yeast
2 little sweet pickles while cooking dinner

So I'll crunch it later today; I am curious about how things look nutrition-wise.

OK. It's now 5:50 am, so I'd better get my butt in the shower and start getting ready for work.

Lunch:

Monday night and all's well

2007-02-26T19:28:00.000-05:00

Hi everybody. Everything's cool here. I just never feel like blogging on the weekends, and today was so swamped at work that I didn't have time. I'm not going to say much tonight, either. Frankly, I'm on the computer all day at work, so when I get home, I rarely feel like spending my free time on it. I do like to surf the blogs, but that doesn't require as much thought and effort as actually posting to my blog. Hopefully tomorrow will be slightly less frantic at work. Bye for now.

Thursday, still groovin'

2007-02-22T11:20:00.000-05:00

The good news is that I didn’t gain as much weight during my gak-fest the past week or two. When I got on the scale yesterday morning, I was at 147.5. Not pretty, but actually not as high as I thought it might be. Today it was already back down to 146. That I attribute to water loss, as I’ve felt pretty dehydrated lately from not drinking enough H2O – I figure I was retaining water, big time. My face even looked kind of puffy, which lends credence to my theory. So its still higher than my all-time low, but lower than my weight in December. It’s all good.

And (drum roll please), I’m about to leave for the gym in a few minutes. Hurray! Of course, my stamina will probably be laughable, but it’s the effort that counts, right?

Yesterday I did quite well. In fact, better than I even thought when I went to bed last night. I didn’t have my COM with me at home and was estimating in my head how much I was taking in and figured it came to around 1200 calories. Got to work this morning and input my data and found the following for yesterday:

Calories: 1091
Protein: 67
Fat: 45
Carbs: 118
Fiber: 18

I was a little low on a few items, but given that I hadn’t really made an effort to meet my RDAs and was just winging it by eating generally healthy foods, I’m pretty satisfied! My calories were under 1100! While lower than my real goal, since I’m starting from some overeating, I don’t think being a bit low on day 1 will kill me!

I’ve been really productive at work this morning, which always makes me feel better about myself. I have a number of major projects that have been in a stall because I just haven’t really had time (or motivation) to get to them. That always makes me stressed. I’m planning to come into work on Saturday morning butt-early to knock out 3 or 4 hours of work before Jerry has to leave the apartment to go pick up his daughters. He’s generally not very supportive of me working overtime, but my boss is becoming increasingly stringent that I need to be putting more time in the office to get some things done. I got a very respectable raise this year and am feeling the pressure to perform at a higher level. I actually think this may be easier once J. and I split up, since I’ll have every other weekend in which the kids will be with Jerry that I can put in whatever time at the office I need to without feeling guilty that I’m abandoning my kids. Likewise, I’m planning to propose that J. pick up the kids from daycare one or two nights a week and spend a few hours with them, feed them dinner, etc., which will also allow me to work over, while allowing him to have more time with them. A plus for all parties involved. Right now I’m trying to be all things to everyone, and frankly, it’s exhausting!

Ok. Gotta get to the gym before it gets too busy. More later, maybe . . .

Normal Tuesday, but I feel fine

2007-02-21T10:42:00.000-05:00

I feel good. That’s saying something because I’ve been feeling fairly lousy for the past month or so. I’m tired, but that’s my own fault: I woke up around 11:15 last night and had to pee, no doubt due to the bottle of water I chugged right before bed because I realized I hadn’t had nearly enough H2O yesterday. After getting up, I gave in to the urge to have a snack (chips & salsa) and watched television for an hour. Just plain dumb. I don’t think I was off calorie-wise because I’d been pretty low all day long, but still, it just wasn’t necessary. So this morning I’m tired.

I’m also disappointed because I am once again, not making it to the gym today. It’s pretty funny, actually; every day, I pack my gym bag, go to the trouble of loading up the makeup, curling iron, etc. for going to the gym during lunch. And invariably, something comes up. Monday, I had the kids with me all day because the daycare was closed for inservice or training or some other such rot. Took the kids with me to work for a couple hours of chaos then spent the rest of the day at home with them. Yesterday, I had a Florida Engineering Society luncheon that I had forgotten about. Today, Cailyn has a follow-up appointment with the ear-nose-and-throat doctor for her ear tubes, which were installed one month ago. Tomorrow shows promise, but Friday Connor has a physical. And as unusual as most of these events seem to be, every week it seems to be the same old story. There’s always SOMETHING that comes up. Of course, my butt could have gotten up at 4:45 and gone over to the apartment complex gym, so I guess I shouldn’t complain – there’s always some time in the day that a person can make time for fitness. Somehow 4:45 am just doesn’t appeal to me :-).

Nothing significant to blog about today. Just trying to get the CR back on track. I haven’t eaten much so far. Plan to go light at lunch as well. Need to run back home and take something out of the freezer for dinner, as I once again forgot. I’m so bad about menu planning! I think tonight will be tilapia w/ stir fried veggies and rice. Nothing fancy. Just fast and easy. My favorite kind of meal!