Back on CR!

It’s now December 1, 2009. One month before New Year’s Day. And two weeks (approx) after my 39th birthday. I have major plans for transformation this year.


1. Get my diet under control.
This means choosing an eating plan and sticking with it. Minimizing the calories, and maximizing the nutrition. I know what needs to be done – I just need to do it.

 

2. Get back into the gym habit.
After my separation from J, a week with sick kids, a week of vacation/traveling, and a week of illness myself (head cold and cough), I haven’t been to the gym in a while. I went a few weeks ago, once. Clearly not enough for improvement in my cardiovascular fitness, or the size of my ass!

 

3. Yoga, yoga, yoga!!
I not only need, but want to incorporate yoga into my life regularly and often. I love it when I do it – I just need to do it.

 

4. Organizing my car/office/apartment.
The apartment isn’t too bad right now (kids’ rooms notwithstanding), but my office and van are another matter. They’re bad. Embarrassingly bad.

 

That’s good for a start, though there are other things I’m planning this year, too. Right now I’m starting with the diet.

 

I’ve waffled over the best way to get back into a more strict CR mode. Clearly my plan to be “moderate” and just generally eat healthy is a failure. If I am not regimented, it becomes way too easy for me to cheat. When I am carefully tracking calories and nutrition, I am WAY less likely to make poor choices. Plus, as almost any serious cronnie will tell you, people who think they’re getting required nutrition without tracking their input, probably aren’t getting their required nutrition.

 

So I thought to myself, the best way for me to really get motivated and stick to an eating plan is to have an actual plan (duh!). I debated what I should try out. Vegan? Vegetarian? Pescatarian? Zone? Low Carb? April Smith has pretty much convinced herself to go low carb, and I thought, I’ll just jump on that bandwagon. Thing is, what IS low carb? How do you define it? I ran by the library at lunch and picked up a couple of books on low carb living, including the bible of low carbers, Atkins.

 

I have to confess that I never really read the Atkins books over the years. I just felt like it was probably too extreme, and the one time I tried an uber-low-carb diet I lasted like 2 days. So in skimming the Atkins book this afternoon (Atkins for Life), I think there are things in there to learn, but I’m now not convinced that I want to do a REALLY low carb diet.  For instance, Atkins recommends you stick to less than 20 g carbs the first two weeks of his diet. 20 grams??!! For real??? There is no effing way!

 

Today I have been legitimately minimizing my carb consumption, and still I’m already at 40 grams of carbs for the day. Here’s what I’ve had so far today:

 

• Can of sardines in mustard and dill sauce
• 2 cups coffee with creamer
• 2 Halls cough drops
• Spinach salad with mushrooms, bell peppers, and a couple of cherry tomatoes (small salad), low fat Italian dressing with some extra red wine vinegar added for taste
• Green Giant immunity blend steamed veggies (broccoli, carrots, red and yellow bell peppers in a garlic-herb infused extra virgin olive oil seasoning)
• 4 oz 2% cottage cheese

Other than the cottage cheese, nothing was really starchy – no pasta, rice, potatoes, beans, etc. But still I’m at 40 grams! And when I did a preliminary planning test on Cron-O-Meter, I checked to see how many carb grams equate to 30% of my daily diet if I’m at 1200 calories for the day (am going quite low to start out – want to drop a quick few pounds before Christmas) – it came to 90 grams.

  

So now I’m thinking I’ll just shoot for a zone ratio, just like the good old days when I was first doing CR.

 

I wanted to write more here, but as time has once again slipped away from me, I’ve gotta go pick my kids up from school.

 

The plan for tonight – baked or stir fried chicken breasts (100 grams for me), one oyster (while plugging my nose and with lots of hot sauce and a soft drink chaser), 30 almonds (for my vitamin E), and more veggies. I’ll still be short on potassium, iron, folate, and B1, but I’m going to take a multivitamin just to cover my bases.

Ok. Seriously gotta blow this joint!

 

Post Thanksgiving Recap

So the Thanksgiving holiday has passed. We had a good one. We (the kids and J and I, along with my oldest stepdaughter and her two kids in a second vehicle) all road-tripped it to Arkansas to visit with J’s mom and sister. Despite our separation, things are fine between J and I so it was an ok visit. The drive totally blew, however. 14 hours in a vehicle with three small kids. Two of them barfed on the way. Yes, it was that kind of trip. Still, it was really nice to visit J’s mom. She is 78 and has cancer, so I’m more than a little worried that this might be the last Thanksgiving visit with her. I hope I’m wrong, of course, because she truly is a wonderful person. Picture a sweet little old southern grandma – that’s J’s mom.


Tonight I’m at home, sans children. That’s one thing I can’t get used to. The first thing after opening the door to my apartment it seems so quiet and empty and I always, invariably feel a catch in my heart and I think I’m going to cry. After I put the television on I manage to get over it, though. It’s funny that no matter how crazy, hyperactive and ornery my kids are when I’m with them and would give anything for a break, the second that I’m without them there’s like a giant hole in my heart. They just belong with me, I guess.

Ok. Gonna sign off. I’m tired and I just want to veg before sleeping, but I hadn’t posted for a while so I figured I’d better get off my duff and write something before I get out of he habit again.

Tomorrow I'm going to work out and make the right food choices, etc.  Am looking forward to it!

Back to normal

So life is back to normal now.  I've been too busy to write/blog/do anything more than just live lately, but I did want to check in and let the 5 of you who read this know that everyone is ok now.  Actually the whole family got sick last week.  Baby Colin was sick Monday through Wednesday.  Connor was sick with fever and cough Thursday and Friday.  Cailyn woke up Saturday morning with an ear infection. 

Good times.

Everyone seems to be back to normal now, though. 

I'm 39 years old now.  I'd like to say that I've been a pillar of willpower and stauch healthiness this week.  Umm.  Ups and downs.  Guess that's life!

Ok. Gonna go.  Am on annoying laptop with missing "shift" key (due to violence by almost-2-year-old during previous "Go Diego Go" computer episode).  Am going to wake up tomorrow, healthy, vital and ready for new future.  Right. . .

Sick child!

My youngest is sick.  He started getting a cough last weekend - and its a gross, wet nasty one.  Then Sunday he started acting lethargic and, well, sick.  I'd been dosing him with cold medicine and ibuprofin, by turns.  Then yesterday, he was obviously running a fever, so I took him to the doctor.  103.1 degrees at the doctors' office.  They did a flu test: negative.  They did a strep test: negative.  So its just an unnamed virus.  They say he has a throat infection and upper respiratory infection, so we're using a nebulizer for the cough, but that's basically it, other than using ibuprofin to try and keep his fever down.

I just hate when my kids are sick.  I'm not freaking out with worry - it's kind of a relief to know that the doctor has at least seen him.  But its still a concern that he's still got the fever.  It was high again last night and this morning, and he's sleeping right now.  Unfortunately, he HATES being poked at, so I haven't been able to really "take" his temperature - it'll take two people to hold the little bugger down if I want to get a true reading.  I could tell it was up, though, by how hot he felt.  I figure as long as the medicine is obviously bringing it down, I'm not going to worry about it too much.

I sure hope that after today the worst will be over, though.  Guess I'll go back and check on him again now.   

Kids!

So the kids are with me this weekend, and things are great - we've done tons of fun things (playground, Museum of Science & History - we have a membership, playing here at the apartment, etc.).  Then I think, why not check my e-mail?

20 seconds later (give or take), I look up and Colin (the almost 2-year old) has pulled approximately 27 wipes out of the wipe box and is systematically piling them up on the living room floor.  Yeah.  Kids!

At least they weren't chasing each other with the giant exercise ball at full volume throughout the apartment (like they were earlier).  Or deliberately tipping over the recliner in the living room just to hear it thump (like they were earlier).  I lovingly call my children "spirited".  In other words, my kids are the ones you cuss out under your breath in the restaurant/grocery store/post office (insert location here).  I SWEAR it isn't because they don't have discipline. 

Believe me when I say that there are definitely kids who are just ornery by their nature - I like to think its part of their unique charm.  Please be patient with us if you encounter us in your daily routine, and try not to think less of me as I yell/holler/scold/whatever to try at appear like a normal well-behaved family in public.

Thank you,
Amy

Giant stressball, plus, some Halloween pictures

Have you ever had one of those weeks when you feel so overwhelmed with stress that it’s hard to breathe and you feel like your stomach is the size and density of a walnut? Yeah. That sucks. And I’ve lived it this week, baby. I hate writing really bummer blog posts, which is one reason why I had been avoiding posting this past week. I’d been so upbeat and optimistic about the future, but right now I feel like I can barely breathe I’m so stressed. So I decided to post anyway, thinking it might be cathartic to vent a little. I don’t really have many people I can fully vent to.

I’ve been trying to be upbeat and positive, and there are many things that are very excellent in my life right now. My kids, for one. I love them, love them, love them. See photos below from Halloween!

I love the fact that I have my own apartment and am making a life for myself and decisions for myself again. I’m excited about trying to make the right choices for my health, but I must admit to struggling the past few weeks, mainly due to the stress. When I’m stressed I eat too much gak and drink too much wine. It’s a poor compensating strategy. My plan is to become a person who turns to yoga during times of stress instead of unhealthy behaviors – for obvious reasons. Frankly, lately I’m stressed, like, ALL THE TIME, so if I don’t find a healthier outlet, I’ll be 300 lbs and a full-blown alcoholic to boot. Thankfully, I haven’t reached that point yet, but this week just about did me in.

Work is awful. I’m not crazy about my job in the best of situations (for a lot of reasons that I won’t go into here or it’ll be a 30-page blog post), but on top of that my company has very little workload, which makes all of us fear being laid off and most of us feel like we have very little support from our boss on this issue – not going into detail here, but the morale in our office is REALLY, REALLY, bad, me included. I’m not the only one that’s feeling this way by a long shot, but while misery may love company, it doesn’t make you feel any more secure in your own personal situation.

I believe I’ve also mentioned that I’m broke. That’s also a major stressor for me right now. I’m really, really broke. I can pay my bills, barely, but there’s no fluff at ALL. The split with my husband might have been welcome emotionally, but neither of us was financially ready for this and it’s been really challenging these past few weeks. Frankly, being broke wouldn’t be so bad, but it makes me feel hamstrung in my job situation. I’ll be honest. If I could quit my job and be ok financially, I would right this second. But I can’t.

Besides, I really don’t want to quit until I figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I can tell you this – it isn’t a civil engineer, THAT’S for sure! Its funny – that’s actually one of the “transformative” changes that I was so looking forward to this year – researching potential careers, potentially takings steps to move forward in changing my career. But I thought I’d have time and leisure to do so. I’m just so overwhelmed here now that I’d give anything to be able to go back to school right away or move directly into something new; I just can’t do it financially, though, which is depressing, to say the least.

I guess I’ve vented enough. I’ll try to end this on an upbeat note. I have a plan for healthy CR eating for today and the weekend. I went to the gym this morning and logged 3 miles on the treadmill (much of it walking, but whatever – it was a workout!). I’m planning to do my new Rodney Yee yoga DVD each day this weekend (kid permitting – I have the kids this weekend – YAY!).

I’m sure the weekend will do me wonders. Somehow as soon as I leave the office about 75% of the stress leaves my shoulders and I’m able to have a good time of it. I just need to work toward finding a solution to the whole job thing. And just keep plugging away at the money thing. I have hope that after the holidays I’ll gain a little breathing room again in my budget.

Hopefully my next post will be awesome and exciting with lots of plans, schemes and good things to report. Until then, I think I’ll make some green tea and try to think deep, calming thoughts :-).

Transformative life?? More like insanely busy life!!

So life has been busy here.

I moved into my apartment over a week ago, and have spent the past week trying to get organized - putting together beds and bedding, moving furniture from one room to the other, etc.

Last weekend my parents came down from Tennessee, delivering a washer and drier that I’m buying from my youngest brother. Very helpful, as I am broke, broke, broke. They visited from last Thursday through this morning, and are now on their way back home after a nice visit in which they helped me organize my new space, bought the family some meals and were generally helpful. Nonetheless, I’m happy to have my space to myself again.

Tonight is my night with the kids, and we are having tilapia, rice and broccoli for dinner. And I’ll probably have a big salad myself in lieu of the rice as I’m trying to keep my calories low today, but ate not-so-low-calorie leftovers for lunch (ribs from Chili’s and a burrito from Cha Cha’s Mexican restaurant). I think the gakky leftovers should be all gone now, though, so tomorrow I can go back on the straight and narrow.

After doing really well with the eating and working out, this whole separation from the hubs, move into a new apartment, and really stressful financial situation have thrown me for a loop and I confess I haven’t been taking care of myself the way I should. In short, I feel fat, out-of-shape, and frumpy. So I’m looking forward to a fresh start.

I ordered a Rodney Yee yoga DVD, which should be delivered tomorrow, and I look forward to doing it daily. It’s one I had previously, but my kids lost it somehow. (As an aside – how the heck to things like DVDs completely vanish off the face of the earth? It’s like there’s a black hole for these kinds of things – the case is still around, but no DVD!)

This weekend is my first weekend without my kids, and while I know I’ll miss them, I’m also looking forward to it. I’m going to try and give myself at least one “home spa” day, where I fast, take long baths, work out and do some yoga. Kind of a detox. Think I’ll shoot for Sunday, as I really want to paint my kids’ rooms on Saturday. Plus, Saturday night is Halloween, and I know I’ll be with the kids doing the trick or treat rounds.

Guess that’s my only update for right now. These recent life changes have kind of taken over my whole being lately, so I’m hoping I can re-center and re-gain control of things. I hate feeling scattered and out-of-control! Wish me luck.